Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Day 189 of 365

I almost cried last night. Not because I had a bad day, or because someone said something to me, or because I stubbed my toe.

I almost cried last night because I was utterly and totally exhausted. Another late night at work and a day full of meetings. Every time I go to a meeting, I'm carry a big bag of books, files and binders. A heavy bag. And my shoulders and my back have borne the brunt of the pressure.

Then there are the hands. When I started back to work and greatly increased the amount of time I spent on the computer, my hands started swelling up from the arthritis. Now my hands aren't working so well. I've even resorted to putting the tube of toothpaste on the edge of the sink and using the heel of my hand to squeeze. No more squeezing toothpaste tubes in the morning for me.

And my wrists? In worse shape than ever. From loading and unloading books and binders, and typing and typing and typing. And getting the laptop in and out, and filing papers.

I have an appointment at the pain clinic tomorrow, but I'm not holding out hope of any relief there. Unless it's comic relief. (See Day 145 for my experience there last time.) Rheumatologist is in a few weeks and I'm counting on some suggestions for arthritis pain relief. Maybe. I'll even take arthritis pain management instead of relief at this point.

So when I got home last night, hurting beyond belief, exhausted beyond belief, I wanted to cry.

But I didn't. I had a great dinner prepared by my husband, went to bed for a little bit, then got back up to take a shower. Showers always make me feel better. It just didn't make me feel as good as I wished, but it kept my tears away.

Today here I went again, back to a meeting in Boise with my big bag of folders and a laptop to carry to and from the faraway parking lot to the meeting.

Nice sunrise on the drive in, though. A bit of haze in the air made for a pretty picture.