Day 106 of 365

Well, I've made a decision.

Actually, I didn't really make the decision. The decision was made by the universe.

I've always believed things work out the way they're supposed to. When things are rough for my daughter I remind her of that. When things are rough for my mom, I remind her. And sometimes I have to remind myself.

The belief that things work out for the best started back before we were married.

The week before our wedding we were shopping at a mall and my husband had a seizure. The mall was closer to his parents' house than ours, so I drove him there. On the way we got a flat tire. A lovely older couple stopped and the gentleman changed our tire for us. After getting to his parents' and then to the hospital, he was referred to another hospital. He had to undergo numerous tests and was prescribed anti-seizure medication the week before our wedding and  I wound up replacing all four tires.

As bad as things were emotionally, physically, and financially during that day and that week I knew it worked out the way it was supposed to. A week later we were on our honeymoon, in the mountains, in a remote cabin without a phone. I kept thinking how much worse things would have been if the seizure had happened while we were there with no way to contact anyone. And how much more difficult it would have been to get down from that mountain with a flat tire. And how much farther the hospital would have been. It worked out for the best.

Last year when I decided to take a year's leave of absence because of the problems with my back, I wasn't confident it was the right decision. Who could have predicted I would need to have two more surgeries after the leave of absence started and would wind up in physical therapy for eight more months? Continuing to work would have been a disaster. The leave of absence worked out.

I knew taking the leave came with risks. Like not having a job to return to. Which is what happened this spring. I found out budget cuts meant there would be no job for me to return to. I was okay with that. I figured the universe was telling me it was best I stay home and recover for a bit longer.

I do love how I spend my time now. And if I had my druthers, I'd continue doing what I'm doing with no changes. I've enjoyed this non-stressful, non-adrenaline, nonchalant, working-on-getting-healthier filled life. But I know in the back of my mind that my time here at home - all day, every day, all by myself - isn't allowing me to live up to my full potential. I know I have some skills that I should be putting to better use.

And it just so happened there was an unexpected resignation in our school district recently. I had contemplated applying for this particular position a few years back. A position that folks I worked with were encouraging me to go for. After careful consideration, I had decided not to pursue it.

Now it was open again. A part-time gig. In the same school district. Not working with kids. More time working on technical writing type things - reports, budgets, grants, meetings. Some flexibility in the days I went in. (Like being able to avoid some of those pesky Thursdays and Fridays I have.) Would get to keep my own office.

If someone analyzed my skills, strengths, and experience and created the perfect job to highlight those things, this job would be it. A position the universe believes is the best for me at this time.

So I have a new job. I'm going back to work.

I'll still have some time off during the summers. Since it's a part-time position, I'll still have time during the school year to work on my 365 days of pictures and blog writing. I'll still continue my exercising and my charity quilts.

My one hope in going back is that I can hold on to the person I've become and be better at my job because of it. I know I'm a different person than I was when I walked out of the school building a year ago. A more whole person. Whether it was having to suffer through pain, or writing every day, or ?, but it has changed me.

So in a couple months the balancing act between home and work will begin.

My balancing act today was between inside and outside, roses and quilts. My Cotillion roses won.

Day 105 of 365

Today was a yay-wow-yum-cool-good-ouch-oh-whew-yes day.

My husband accuses me of making too many comments about things. It could be I picked it up as a teacher being used to kids using words like cool and yesss and awww in the classroom and on the playground. Or it might come from being home all by myself with no one to talk to. There would be no voices heard all day if I didn't say ouch when I got up or oops when I dropped a fork or oh no when the washing machine leaked.

Now that he's home I'm still making those comments. Like today.

My new free fabric kits came for making some more kids quilts. Yay!

I took him to his barber here in our town so he could get a hair cut. She also trimmed an inch or so off my hair. And only charged me $5 for the trim. Wow!

Our video store is right across the street from the barber so we stopped and got soft serve twist ice cream cones before heading back to the house. Yum!

I got an e-mail from Marcie who shared a link (here) for quilts made with baby clothes. So cool!

I received a phone call from my doctor. The biopsy they did of my esophagus last week came back okay. Good!

We also worked in the vegetable garden today. We weeded and I clipped back some of our tomato plants. I sat on a five gallon bucket with lid to clip the tomatoes. In between plants I stood up and my kneecap slipped out of its groove. I've learned when that happens not to force it back into place. Just straighten the knee, bend the knee, straighten the knee, bend the knee, until it goes back. Ouch!

Bending over pulling weeds? Oh, the back!

Getting through my time on the exercise bike with my knee still hurting a bit? Whew!

Seeing what was hiding under all those tomatoes vines? Yesss!

Day 104 of 365

I've always had a hankering for vocabulary.

Although my writing style is informal on this blog, I can be more formal when necessary. It takes me some time, but I can sound like I'm quite intelligent when it comes to the written word.

When I was in high school and took the ACT for college, I scored in the 99th percentile on the English portion of the test. Just fine for getting me out of taking some English classes in college.

When I was working on getting into graduate school a couple years back, I had to take the GRE (Graduate Record Exam). It was an incredibly long and difficult test. I came away with very respectable scores on the verbal section (which included vocabulary). Not bad for being away from college for 15 years.

But this week I learned a new use of a very common word. A word that was not on the GRE.

Crumbs.

Not there are crumbs in the bottom of the toaster. Not don't get crumbs on the floor. More like I have a lot of crumbs left over from the quilts I've made. Crumbs meaning small scraps of fabric. Pieces too small to do much with.

I not only learned what a crumb is this week, but I learned I could do something with them. And boy, am I using them!

I'm making more quilt blocks out of them. From the tutorial here, I've started a blue themed baby boy quilt - another one for the Quilts for Kids organization.

I've been mindlessly running my sewing machine for the last couple days putting these together. The next step will be to do a white (?) border and put them into a quilt top.

And the best part? No more blue scraps filling up my scrap basket. The worst part? Now I'm hooked on making them and have to decide what color to use up next.

Hope to have this crumby one put together soon.

Day 103 of 365

We've always had a thing for roses.

Back when we were in college and had just met, my husband (then boyfriend) was renting a house that had rose bushes out front. Huge rose bushes that had been neglected for many years. We took pruners to them and clipped them low. In the spring they came back with abundance, covered in gorgeous flowers.

After we were married we lived near a park that had a rose garden in it. My husband used to bring me roses from that rose garden. (I think that's called stealing.) Now that rose garden in the park is quite large and has clearly marked signs about taking (stealing) those roses.

When I first started teaching, we moved into a rental where the landlord gave us free reign over the yard. We could dig, plant, tend - whatever we wanted. We put in flowers, a vegetable garden, and a rose garden.  At least we attempted the rose garden. We had spent Spring Break on the Oregon Coast and on the way back made a stop at Jackson and Perkins to buy roses straight from the grower. Despite our best attempt at getting the roses to grow, we failed. At that time we didn't know anything about soil or nutrients, or even how best to water them.

But when we moved into the house we own now, there was a section of the yard that was dirt and weeds. It had a sprinkler system within it and looked like it possibly had been a garden at some point. We didn't know what to do with it so we left it.

By the next year, we decided to make it a flower garden. We dug up the weeds, rototilled it, and mapped out where the beds would go. We purchased landscape timbers for the beds and gravel for the pathways. Over the course of the spring, summer, and fall, a rose garden came into being.

Since then, we've continued to add roses. At one point we had 75 roses in the garden, but after 10 years of Idaho winters, we've lost some of them to the cold. Bugs and diseases have taken some others. But we still have a lot left. Oranges, reds, yellows, whites, peach, pinks, and purples.

It's certainly not like the Lynn Anderson song I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.

Actually, it is exactly like Lynn Anderson. Since Lynn Anderson is the first rose ever planted in our garden. And another one of my favorites.

Day 102 of 365

For me, Sundays aren't what they used to be. They're turning into lazy Sundays.

I used to listen to the radio every Sunday morning. At 9 every Sunday, Casey Kasem's American Top 40, the 70's edition, used to be on the oldies radio station. So I'd get up, read the paper, eat some breakfast, and clip and file coupons all while listening to the 3 hours of music. For years that was my routine.

But several months ago Casey Kasem was moved to Sunday night instead Sunday morning.

Then a couple months back we stopped our newspaper because the carrier just couldn't get the delivery straight. Sometimes we'd get a delivery every day even though our subscription was only a Sunday and holiday one. Some Sundays the paper would be in the driveway, some Sundays it would be in the paper box, some Sundays it would be in both places, and some Sundays we wouldn't get it at all. After six different calls to the newspaper office, we finally decided to stop our delivery.

And no Sunday paper means no coupons. No coupons means an empty coupon binder. But it also means no clipping, filing, and sorting on Sunday. Which actually isn't a bad thing. After couponing since 1984 it's been kind of nice not to be tied to that routine anymore. I still print some coupons from the internet, and one time we went to the store to buy the paper, but now I'm relying on my daughter's leftover coupons to get me through.

So no Casey Kasem, no newspaper, and no coupon clipping has freed up my Sundays.

Except Sundays are becoming "watch NASCAR on TV" days. Before this year I had never watched NASCAR before, but now it's the one and only routine we have on Sundays.

Sundays seem lazier when the most exciting part of the day is watching television.

Being a lazy Sunday, it only makes sense that I take a picture of a lazy cat.

Day 101 of 365

I think I might add squirrels to the list of things that scare me.

Lizards are probably number one. That goes back to when I was a little girl at my Great Grandma and Granddad Hudson's house. There were lots of lizards, darting everywhere. My cousins would run around catching them. Catching them and pulling their tails off. 35 years after that is when I saw my next lizard - in Moab, Utah. I couldn't hardly even look at the thing without getting scared. Keep them away from me, please!

Snakes are number two. I never cared much for snakes. I knew to respect them when we used to go hiking when I was a kid. I learned to make sure your walking stick hits the ground before your feet. It's better they strike at that as opposed to striking your ankles. But another incident is what pushed me over the edge in the snake department.

When my daughter was a baby we were living in a rented mobile home out in the country. We had a mice problem (mice might be considered my number three scary creature). We had traps set all over and caught mice every week. We kept searching for where they were getting in and were always plugging up holes. But we obviously missed one under the cabinets/sink somewhere. Because one day I opened a cabinet under the counter to find a large snake. And snake babies.

My first reaction was a scream. Followed by a call to the landlord who asked me what kind of snake it was. I had no intention of finding out. They sent their grandkids down to take care of the snake problem. These were ranch kids who had seen - and dealt with - plenty of snakes before. They opened the cabinet, but the babies were no where to be found. They did get the big snake from the cabinet.

But not before that snake got out, slithered across the floor, and went under the pantry door.

A sight I will never forget. A sight that, to this day, keeps me as far away from snakes as possible.

But now, a squirrel. As I was headed out to the clothesline today to hang up my newly finished baby quilt, I encountered a squirrel. Running under my feet as I rounded the corner of the house. Which wouldn't have scared me, but that same squirrel jumped right up on the tree trunk. The tree trunk closest to my clothespin bag. And that squirrel parked himself on that tree trunk and stared at me. And wouldn't move. And looked as if he was about to pounce on me. As I tried to get closer to the clothespin bag, he reminded me of the squirrel jumping out of the tree in the movie Christmas Vacation. If you haven't seen the scene, it's here. Notice the look on the squirrel's face as he's ready to jump out of the tree. That's what I saw. Exactly like it. Not nearly as cute to me like he was back on Day 89.

Even after telling the squirrel a couple times that he was scaring me (like he'd listen), he refused to move. Finally, he decided to jump on a higher branch.

That gave me the chance to get my quilt up and my picture taken. Better this picture than a squirrel attack picture.

Day 100 of 365

Wow. One hundred days.

A hundred days of taking pictures. A hundred days of writing.

Of finding a way to get through the day. A hundred days of trying not to think about pain. (Some of those days I wasn't good at that one.) Of trying to mask the pain and frustration I feel from those around me. (Okay, not always good at that one, either.)

One hundred days worth of sewing, baking, gardening, bird watching, and Target shopping. Of paying it forward with quilts and and concert tickets and expired coupons.

Of downsizing, yet buying more fabric to finish up quilts. One hundred days of trying to focus on the needs of others and on life around me.

A hundred days of self-reflection. Of telling my story.

Of physical therapy, doctor's appointments, medical tests, injections. A hundred days of hoping for a better life.

Of learning to start an exercise habit (54 days in a row now, a little over 16 miles on the bike this week), of kicking the sugar addiction, and of starting to eat salads (even though I still have to mix it with something else).

One hundred days of (trying) to coming to terms with my physical limitations.

Of trying to answer the crucial questions. How do I move on? How can I be a useful, productive citizen when I can't even stand long enough to wash dishes, cook dinner, or brush my teeth? (Not to worry - I do brush my teeth properly, but I have to sit.)

Back on Day 1 I didn't know if I'd ever make it to Day 100.

But here we are. I am still here. I am alive and breathing.

Back on Day 1 I was thankful for my family, for my husband as breadwinner, and for my daughter who let me live with her for my last surgical recovery. I was thankful for the cat that climbed up on me when I wasn't feeling so great and for the roof over my head. I was thankful for the view of the river I have from my living room window. And thankful that on some days I was able to do things that benefited others like collecting coupons to send to military families, making blankets for babies, and making cookies for my physical therapists.

After 100 days I can now add more to that thankful list.

I'm so thankful for my gardens, my ability to write, my camera (for sure!), my commitment to exercising, my time spent sewing for others, the birds that appear out my window, and the beauty around me.

100 days ago I wasn't spending time searching and recognizing the beauty around me. I was lost and didn't know where I was going. I was wandering and floundering in my own pool of unknowns. Bitter and angry.

So many unknowns are still present, but I'm learning to be a better (as opposed to a bitter) person despite my physical restrictions.

And 100 days later I'm thankful to those of you who read my blog and to those who comment on what I write. I'm thankful for your support as I continue to move forward. And thankful that you hang in there with me even when the only things you're reading about are complaints from me.

I couldn't have predicted I'd be where I am now 100 days ago. I can't even imagine where the next 100 days are going to take me!

But on this day - Day 100 - I again discovered beauty in my rose garden. Another rose opened up today.

It just so happens to be the one called "Peace".

Day 99 of 365

I don't think my mind is playing tricks on me this time.

Back on Day 83 I had left the doctor's office in a funk. I had gained weight despite exercising for 37 days in a row. I had started to clean up my diet, was starting to eat salads, and was extremely disappointed that the scale showed I had gained weight when I was expecting it to show I'd lost weight.

Yesterday when I had my test at the hospital, I didn't get weighed so I didn't worry about weight gain or loss.

But today when I got home from spending the night at my daughter's and was getting ready to go to a meeting at school, I put on a new pair of pants. Actually, a pair of pants I bought several months ago. A pair I've never worn because I couldn't fit into them. But today I put on those pair of pants. And they fit just fine.

So despite what that darn scale said at the doctor's office two weeks ago, my body is changing shape. In a good way. And that makes it easier to keep doing what I'm doing - like exercising for the 53rd day in a row.

The other nice thing about today when I got home from spending the night at my daughter's? My husband was crafting a big bouquet of huge peonies from our garden.

Not bad for a guy's flower arrangement.

Day 98 of 365

Today is a day I'd just rather forget. Mostly I'd like to forget the time between 12 and 1 o'clock.

Up so I could dress and exercise before 7.

So I could leave by 8.

So I could be at my daughter's by 9.

So I could be at the hospital by 10.

So I could have a procedure that was scheduled to start before 11.

So I could wait more until it finally started before 12.

So I could come out from under the sedation in the middle of the procedure and be awake while a tube and camera were down my throat looking into my stomach.

So I could gag and choke as the procedure continued on while more sedation didn't kick in.

So I could find out that I have a hiatal hernia, had my esophagus biopsied, and that I may need surgery, all before 1.

So I could be back at my daughter's by 2.

So I could sleep until 5.

So I could eat by 6.

So I could go home.

But not today. I was given strict instructions not to drive until tomorrow. I'm camped out at my daughter's, sleeping in her bed and taking it easy. And hoping to get back home tomorrow.

Thank goodness I had time to snap a picture of my wildflower-turned-perennial garden before I left the house. My pink oriental poppies are getting ready to show off.

Better them than my upper digestive system.

Day 97 of 365

The weather aided me in opening the sewing room again. It rained all morning and made me feel not as guilty about getting into the sewing more than the gardening.

Looking back over these last 97 days I've done a lot of sewing!

• Day 1 pincushions 
• Day 3 flag quilt top
• Day 8 memory games
• Day 11 baby quilt
• Day 14 camera bag  
• Day 17 and 27 pillowcases
• Day 20 t-shirt grocery bags 
• Day 29 clothespin bag
• Day 34 potholders
• Day 35 makeup bag 
• Day 38 bread basket liner 
• Day 39 baby quilt top
• Day 41 Dick and Jane magnets
• Day 44 baby quilt tops
• Day 46 baby quilt tops
• Day 75 finished baby quilt 
• Day 76 finished baby quilt 
• Day 77 finished baby quilt 
• Day 78 finished baby quilt
• Day 79 finished baby quilt
• Day 86 quilt top

I'm glad I game myself permission yesterday to get back into it. And boy, did I get into it. I usually always use another person's pattern (even though I sometimes alter it a bit) when I make something. I saw a quilt pattern I wanted to try but didn't want to shell out the money, so I tried to duplicate it myself. I'm still working away on it and hope to have the top finished by the end of the week. I think (I hope) it'll be one of my pictures soon.

But for today's picture - after the rain stopped and the sun started shining I went to take a look (not work) in the garden. And my roses have started blooming! The first official rose that has bloomed is one of my favorites - Rio Samba. A yellow rose with orange highlights and a nice spicy fragrance (and if I wasn't sick I'd be able to smell it).

Day 96 of 365

I don't know why I think I can do it all. I should be able to garden, sew, and bake all in the same week.

But the amount of time I'm taking to get myself going in the morning has to change. On any given day I might get up, go to the lift chair, have breakfast, go back to bed for a few minutes, back to the chair, then to a shower, then get dressed, then back to the chair or bed, then to the computer, then get my shoes on. It can take three or more hours for me to finally be showered, dressed, and fed. Then another hour or so before the body is warmed up enough where I can start moving to work in the garden.

I've tried to move the process up, but depending on the day - and the severity of the pain in the back and the joints - it's tough to do. Those days where I do speed it up, I wind up paying for it because I'm hurting even more. So realistically if I wake up at 7, it can be noon before I can start to do anything worthwhile.

It's not any different than a few months ago. But then I could work quietly in the house, organizing something, maybe do some less taxing work like sewing, and get by. With the garden season in full swing there isn't much less taxing work available.

So yet again I'm frustrated. Frustrated with my body, with my limitations. There is a lot I can do and a lot I am thankful for, but gardening is not becoming one of them.

I think the best remedy is to open my sewing room again. Back on Day 80 I had decided to close it for summer. But I now need it. I need to have somewhere to go and something to do on these rough mornings. Something that will get my mind off my pain and troubles. Get myself focusing on someone and something else.

I thought gardening, one of the things I love so dearly, was going to help me get moving in the right direction. I was wrong.

Back to what I know makes me feel better about myself and something I know my joints can tolerate. Sewing for others.

And perfect timing on that decision. Outside my sewing room window I spied a pair of quail in the garden.

Day 95 of 365

Today was an I'm just plumb worn out day.

After going to Boise on Monday, birthday shopping with my daughter on Tuesday, going to school on Wednesday and Thursday, celebrating her birthday on Friday, and back to Boise on Saturday I'm just worn out.

With still fighting the flu, still fighting the icky-ness I'm feeling from the injections, having hubby home all the time, and having this busy week it just did me in. I can't remember the last time I had a week like this. I like my quiet days (that was before my husband was out for summer). It was me, the cat, and the sewing machine.

But now I have the husband, the cat, the gardens, the daughter this week, school this week, and the car I'm having to drive everywhere.

When I originally started this blog, I was hoping it would help me get back to the land of the living instead of the land of the existing. Right now I'm kinda longing for the land of the existing. I've just done too much living this week for this body to handle!

I was so tired last night I fell asleep early and didn't wake up until 6:30 this morning. I was super thirsty so I went to the kitchen to get a drink of water. And found my picture of the day. First thing. Before I even had a chance to get that drink of water.

I took a picture of the sun coming up through the clouds (it was prettier in person). Then I took my drink and went right back to bed.

Day 94 of 365

On my way to and from town I saw tons of signs directing me to things that were happening today.

Gun show. Open House. Wine Tasting. Free Car Wash. Farmer's Market. Sign Recall Petition Here. Dozens and dozens of yard sale/garage sale signs.

I used to go to yard sales a lot. Mostly for books. I was looking for a cheap way to build my classroom library, and my daughter would tag along hoping to pick something up for herself. But then I stopped. I don't know why, but I just did. Then we only went to yard sales in Sun Valley when we had girls' weekend. But we haven't been to Sun Valley in a couple years, so we haven't been to any yard sales in a while. Honestly, in the past few years I've been so plagued with health issues I haven't had any interest in going to a yard sale, let alone leaving the house.

But every time I saw a yard sale sign today, I wondered why I'm not even considering stopping at one now. Maybe it's because I'm trying to get rid of our stuff we already have. Maybe it's because I know I don't need any more books. (We have an entire living room wall of bookshelves full of books.) I don't need any more fabric, or household items, or junk.

So after I dropped my daughter off I came straight home, skipped all yard sales, and went outside. I spent time doing what I consider to be more important than acquiring stuff. Watching the hummingbird bring more fluff for her nest. Watching the cat wander around. Checking out my flowers that are blooming.

And I watched a bee working hard in my oriental poppies. I'm not sure what the spider's role was, though. It doesn't matter since both of them are more interesting than a yard sale would have been today.

Day 93 of 365

It's been 23 years exactly.

23 years since our one and only child was born. It wasn't meant to be that way. We planned on having several kids, but things don't always work out as planned.

We tried for many years and wound up with nothing but two ectopic pregnancies that never made it past the first couple months. Then any chance to have more kids ended when I had to have a hysterectomy when I was 30. We briefly considered adoption, but my husband nixed that quickly. He had seen plenty of students in his high school classes who were adopted, struggling to find who they were and where they came from, that he had absolutely no interest in being part of that heartache.

So our one girl was all we would ever have. There's a perception that only children are spoiled. In one respect, that is true. But we learned early not to spoil her with "stuff". We never bought her a car, a cell phone, an ipod, or a computer. We spoiled her with experiences and opportunities. Museums, camps, trips and travel. Before she went to college, we had made sure she'd visited all 50 states. She's been on two cruises. She's driven on the beaches of Texas, swam in the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans and the Gulf of Mexico. She's played in volleyball tournaments around Idaho, Utah, and Nevada. She's snorkeled in the waters of Alaska and hiked a volcano in Hawaii.

At 23 it's getting to the point where she'll start paying for her own experiences and opportunities. What we will continue to do, though, is make her feel special on her birthday. Special with a few presents, a good homemade barbecue dinner of her choosing (steak, grilled onions, garlic bread, and asparagus, baked potatoes, and salad). Special with a cake decorated by her mommer (me).

I didn't spend the amount of time I should in decorating it, but it'll do for the three of us. I'm taking what my horoscope said today to heart. "Don't beat yourself up for not being perfect!"

And kiddo, remember that for yourself too. Happy Birthday!

Exercise update: Today was 47 days in a row. I've been down with the flu all week so it's been difficult to exercise every day, but I did it. I cut back on the amount of time I usually bike, so the total biked this week was only a little over 15 miles.

Day 92 of 365

I keep drawing these lines in the sand. And I keep moving them.

First it was the handicapped placard for the car. Long before I had my knee replacement the joint had deteriorated to bone on bone. I went more than a year that way, limping and in a lot of pain. Even going from the parking lot into the doctor's office was tough. Once in a while I would make some comment about how parking in the handicap spot might help some.

But I had no intention of ever doing that. I drew a line in the sand. In no way would I ever get a handicapped placard. I am not handicapped. I will not ever consider myself bad enough to park in one of those spots.

Except the pain kept getting worse and worse. And the walk from the car to the doctor's office, or the grocery store, or work, became more and more painful.

So with the encouragement of my family, I got up the nerve to talk to the doctor about it. The line in the sand was moved when the doctor said, based on my knee, that I absolutely needed one.

When it arrived in the mail, I again drew a line in the sand when I refused to use it.

More pain, more difficulty in walking, and the insistence from my daughter that I use it. So I started to park in the handicapped spot - only sometimes - thus moving the line again.

Then I drew a line in the sand about using a cane. Nope, never will I use a cane at work. If I'm that bad off, I'll quit working. Except I had things to do at work. And as the bones began to wear down more and more my leg started to become deformed.

I had to use a cane to get me around. Moved the line.

Then came the shots for arthritis. Would I ever give myself my own shots? Nope, never. I'm drawing the line there, doctor.

Two months ago my pain, swelling, and stiffness was keeping me from being functional and I was desperate. There goes another line moved.

Thank goodness it's a prefilled syringe that I push down and click, so there's no looking at the needle. There's no way I could ever give myself a shot where I had to measure it myself and watch the needle go in. That is definitely my very last line in the sand. I will not budge.

But that line has been crossed. I give myself weekly injections of Methotrexate. I have to measure it, I have to watch the needle go in.

I can't believe it's come to this. I can't believe this is my life.

I can't believe I have to, in addition to all of the other medications I take, do this. Do this to be able to get out of bed. To be able to type. To be able to tie my shoes, ride an exercise bike, open a jar. To just get through the day.

Day 91 of 365

I have to take back the statement I made last week. I had written that I wasn't really into birds all that much.

But I think I am becoming a bird person.

After the goldfinch on Day 81, the kissing goldfinches on Day 83, the red winged blackbird from Day 85, and the multiple bird encounters from Day 87 how can I not?

Then add in this one hummingbird that keeps hanging around that is pushing me into the bird watching territory. It's out the front window, out the window when I'm at the computer, and out the bedroom window. We hadn't been able to figure out where she's going (or more importantly where her nest is). We have a hummingbird that returns every year to a nest near our garden, but she has not returned this year so we've been getting a bit worried. We hope it's the same one but have been disappointed with no nesting.

So when a hummingbird link came up on the quilting board site that I visit, I clicked on it. A live hummingbird nest, complete with two tic tac sized eggs. Maybe this live camera of a hummingbird sitting on her eggs and fluffing her nest would be a good substitute for not seeing our hummingbird nesting.

The website also had a live loon camera from Minnesota. On and off for the last two days my daughter and I have sat watching baby loons breaking out of their shells, being cared for by their parents, and riding on the backs of mom and dad. Last night we went to bed worried because one of the babies had gone off into the lake in the dark. Alas, this morning all was okay as baby was back. Such drama! But we've enjoyed checking on the little ones throughout the day.

Then, to top it off, we finally found a nesting hummingbird here at home. Have a seat at our patio table and look straight up. You'll see a momma bringing in some fluff and building an ever-so-soft nest. Can't wait for the babies!

Yep, I'm a birdwatcher now.

Day 90 of 365

Today was one of those busy days I was not looking forward to. Being sick and having to go out isn't what I would call fun.

Except I spent the day out with my daughter, shopping for her birthday. Which made it a little more fun. Now that I'm not working, money is a bit tighter so we're not spending as much on birthdays and holidays. So it's a good thing that her tastes aren't too expensive.

Actually, her tastes are expensive. She works in one of the clothing departments that cater to her generation (and her size) at a high end department store. So while she works long and hard at that job, she has also acquired a taste for some of the finer, brand-name labels. But she makes her own money and spends her own money (and a lot of it is spent there at her store). She knows better than to ask us to purchase anything for her from there. We don't even shop in that particular store ourselves.

Growing up in a small rural farming community of less than 900, belonging to clubs like FFA (Future Farmers of America), she knows the value of hard work. She also has learned that as long as your basic needs are met, it's not necessary to live a lavish lifestyle.

So as we were shopping for her birthday today she was conscientious about where we shopped. Mass retailers were her preference. We picked up a purse (on sale), but the best couple deals we found were at (surprise) Target. She hit the clearance racks and found a couple of presents that fit her style.

She found:

• A shirt, regularly priced at $17.99, marked down to $4.48 minus a $3 coupon for a total price of $1.48.
• A swimsuit top (she already has a bottom) regularly priced at $14.99, marked down to $3.74

$5.53 (including tax) for $32.98 of clothes. That's over $27 off.

I just might be able to afford to keep her!

Day 89 of 365

Today was the day I was giving away that lovely, yet difficult for me to quilt, quilt top. We had 10 people interested, so I used random.org to randomly choose the winner.

Congrats to Cheryl, who wrote:
You have made a very beautiful quilt. For sure to wrap around someone in love while they see stars in there eyes keeping warm. I'm am putting quilts together for my daughters "Childrens's Heart Disease Foundation. There will be a auction this June. I would so love to add this in the auction and include your name on the back. thank you for allowing me to share and be a part of your drawing, most of all thank you for sharing something you at one time so loved. Blessings Cheryl 

As soon as I get your address Cheryl, I'll get it in the mail.

So the quilt will head out, but the batting and backing is still sitting on the sewing room table. With a cat still on it. Just like yesterday.

And just like yesterday, I can't get myself out of the house or out of my sweats. But today, now I can't get hardly get myself out of bed. This week is going to be busy - daughter will be home, have to go shopping to buy her a birthday present, have two meetings on two different days at school this week, and then her birthday. I'll be leaving the house every day this week. I don't know the last time that happened.

The last time a bird talked to a squirrel about the best place to meet me? Looks like today. Thank goodness for cameras and windows. Even if they aren't totally clean (the windows, that is).

Day 88 of 365

Today was spent watching racing. First Indy 500, then NASCAR. On TV, of course.

We've actually been to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. It was one of our must-stops on the cross-country trip we took a few years ago. The day we went the Richard Petty Driving Experience was going on. That's where folks plop down a nice chunk of money (like over $100 if I remember right) to ride along in a NASCAR race car for a couple laps around the track. We didn't do it, but could certainly hear how loud those cars can be flying around the track at 150+ miles an hour. We also could certainly appreciate how difficult it is to capture pictures of cars going that fast. I probably used more film on that one day of our trip than any other day anywhere. And half of those pictures turned out to be of an empty racetrack. The cars were just too darn fast!

But I know at some point in our lives we'll go back. And we'll go back on Indy race day. But not this year, and not next, and I imagine not the next. It's one of those things we talk about that we always say we are going to do, (and I hope we can), but things have to improve for me substantially before I can see myself traveling that far again. Just security at the airport is going to be an ordeal for me now! I'll be carrying needles and prefilled syringes - and the full body scan is going to light up like a Christmas tree - 3 screws in the right shoulder, 4 screws in the left, and big chunks of metal in my left knee.

So the Indy 500, the Kentucky Derby, and Mardi Gras all get put on a "someday" list.

As if I don't already have enough issues, with the way I'm feeling again today (going into week 2 of the flu) I can't even get myself out of the house or even out of my sweats. I haven't even had enough energy to fold up that batting and backing I took off of the quilt top a couple days back.

Which works out fine for the kitty. She's not looking to leave the house, either.

Day 87 of 365

I think the birds have been talking to each other. About me and this blog.

I imagine the ones I've snapped pictures of have been telling others to stick close to the house and if they happen to see me, pose. That they might get their picture on the internet and might be seen around the world.

In the past 24 hours, I've had several bird encounters:

• Yesterday evening as I was on the computer, a small bird (don't know what kind) grasped his little claws on my window screen and held himself there. I don't know what he thought he was trying to do, but if it was to get his picture taken it didn't happen. I was so startled it took me a bit to grab the camera out of my purse. By the time I had the camera ready to go, he was gone.
• This morning as I was getting out of bed, one of the yellow goldfinches was sitting on the trellis right out my bedroom window. I was able to go get the camera, but as I was focusing he flew away.
• Many mornings I head to my lift chair first to help my back get ready for the day. As I was sitting in the chair looking out the window, a hummingbird hovered right in front of the big window. To get out of the lift chair takes forever since you have to push a button to get the motor moving before you can get out. By the time I got out of the chair, grabbed the camera, and got back to the window I thought he'd be gone. He was still flying around a bit, but came back to the window again. The big ole quilt frame from yesterday was in the way, and just as soon as I moved it to get closer to the window to take the picture, he flew off. And hasn't returned yet.
• I still didn't have my picture for the day, so I decided to go outside for a while, hoping for a bird to show up, or a flower to be blooming - anything. As I was bending over replanting our watermelon and cantaloupe plants, two mallard ducks came flying low overhead. I had my camera with me, but by the time I got it ready (and got myself upright) they were gone.
• And just now, as I sat here typing my blog, a bird in the tree outside the window with a big worm hanging from it's mouth. Geez, why don't I just leave my camera on all the time?

What are the odds of all of these missed opportunities happening within the same day of each other? And what are the chances it's going to happen again? Pretty slim on both counts.

My picture search for the day is not yet over, but at this late hour the chances are also pretty slim of getting a good picture, especially with me feeling as crappy as I feel.

How about a picture I took yesterday at the end of the day as the storms finished up? It's worth posting, even if it's a day late.

Day 86 of 365

Today was a very rainy day and I got frustrated.

Not by the rain, but by what I decided to to do inside to fill my time.

A darn quilt that's been giving me trouble since the beginning. I should know by now that if I'm cursing at something, it can't be good.

And this one isn't good. It all started back on Day 38. Way back then I spent some frustrating time getting a quilt into the floor frame. Was looking forward to the refreshing change from machine quilting. I had big plans to spend several days a week looking out the front window while I sat working on the quilt.

Except here it is, 48 days later and I haven't done much more than a foot by foot square on it.

So today I decided to work on it. But as I sat there thinking about how long it would take me to finish it and how long it's already been taking up space in my living room, I changed my mind. I decided to machine quilt it instead. It was already on the frame, so I pin basted it. Except when I got it off the frame, it was all bunched up. All 100 or so safety pins came right back out. Spread it out on the table, repinned it, then started to sew. But even with my walking foot, there was some bunching happened.

I also have a frame that I can use with my plain Jane sewing machine. So I unpinned the quilt again to roll it onto the rails of the other frame. The other too-small frame.

Fold over part of the quilt to fit on the frame, roll it, and it starts rolling crooked. Again. And again, and again.

This quilt has been an enemy to me for almost two months now. I originally was quite fond of it, but have now come to not like it so much. So I decided to take out the stitches, keep the batting and backing, and give away the quilt top. I'm sure there is someone out there who can love it in a way I can't.

Any takers?

It's a quilt top only (no batting, no backing), approximately 61"x67". I hope it can find a loving home. Just leave me a comment here (be sure to leave a screen name or something). Or, use the "Contact Me" button at the very bottom of the page. If more than one person is interested, I'll draw a name.

Check back Monday to see if I'll be mailing it your way.

We have a winner! Congrats to Cheryl, who wrote:
You have made a very beautiful quilt. For sure to wrap around someone in love while they see stars in there eyes keeping warm. I'm am putting quilts together for my daughters "Childrens's Heart Disease Foundation. There will be a auction this June. I would so love to add this in the auction and include your name on the back. thank you for allowing me to share and be a part of your drawing, most of all thank you for sharing something you at one time so loved. 

Exercise update: 40 days in a row! Since I ride the exercise bike everyday, I'm going to switch from a daily report to a weekly miles rode report. Look for an update next Friday!

Day 85 of 365

I'm not really into birds all that much. I have a bird book that we use to look up the birds we see here at the house, but we don't ever go birdwatching.

Since we live by the river, we have ducks and geese we see around ever so often. There are some quail in our neighborhood, a hummingbird that has nested in our tree a couple times, the pretty goldfinches that eat at our sunflowers in the fall (and were oh-so-friendly this week), the robins we see every day, and the occasional woodpecker.

But the most pain in the rear birds we have around are the blackbirds. They've capitalized on the holes the woodpeckers have made in the shed. We cover up the holes, but the persistent blackbirds hurl themselves against the covered holes and punch their way through again. They've nested under the eaves in the shed. We cover the hole, they peck and push again and again until they get the hole big enough to squeeze through.

We probably don't have as much patience for them because they're not as pretty as other birds. I'm not sure we'd complain if we found pretty blue robin eggs in the shed. Or if the goldfinches had nested.

But when I've had just about enough of the blackbirds, one of them goes and does this. Sitting still, singing away, just begging me to take his picture as he (or she) is perching on my not yet blooming rosebushes.

Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh to judge. It had better stay away from my shed, though.

Exercise update: 39 for 39.

Day 84 of 365

After being in a funk for most of the day yesterday, today became a let's get all this crap done day.

Between the high school kid we hired, my husband who is home every day now, and me, we have moved along nicely on the to-do list.

• Cut out winter damage in roses.
• Clip back tulips and other spring bulbs.
• Dig grass out of all gardens.
• Cut up broken branch from last week's windstorm.
• Replant herbs (except parsley and oregano).
• Cut landscape timbers to fit around new climbing roses.
• Bring out patio table.
• Put new bench together.
• Plant morning glory.
• Cut branches back from roof.
• Pinch off peony side shoots.
• Empty garbage cans of dirt/weeds.
• Cover woodpecker hole in shed.
• Weed strawberry bed.
• Pinch off blooms from strawberries
• Build trellis for tomatoes.
• Put sealant on new bench and rocking chair.
• Finish cement edging in wildflowers.
• Remove landscape fabric/edging around tree.
• Use edging from around tree to edge vegetable garden.
• Finish terracing behind shed
• Re-stain all landscape timbers.

As we've been working on the list, I again am reminded of how much I miss being outside. Fresh air helps with grumpy attitudes.

Without being outside I wouldn't get to see that we have blossoms on the tomatoes and pumpkins.

I would also have missed my clematis blooming.

Exercise update: 38 for 38.

Day 83 of 365

I had a doctor's appointment today and left there in a funk.

I got weighed. I usually decline having myself weighed but was excited today to see how much I lost. I've been exercising faithfully for 37 days in a row. I've been watching what I eat. We cut out sugar a while back, I'm eating salads (only 4 days so far, but jeez), and I've been cutting down my portions. But when I stepped on the scale, I was shocked. I have gained weight. So as I sat waiting for the ever-so-late doctor to show up I was alone with my thoughts. My frustrated, angry, and downright upsetting thoughts.

Then, based on the medications I'm taking, my weight gain, and some other symptoms, the doctor decided to run some tests. Seven different tubes of blood. Not two, three, or five. Seven. I almost got out my camera and took a picture right then and there, but decided there had to be something better in my day than that.

And because of my ten years on anti-inflammatories that are tough on the stomach, the almost two years spent on pain pills and Methotrexate, and some bad stomach issues I've been having, a referral to a gastroenterologist for treatment of a possible ulcer or hiatal hernia.

When I left there for the hour long drive home, I wasn't a happy camper. I had to stop at the grocery store and drug store and was still a grump.

When I got home I read up on how to give myself the new prescription I picked up. (The new Methotrexate injections.) After that I was even grumpier.

So I sat down here to write. Without a taking a picture yet.

As usual, I looked at the tree out the window. My goldfinch from Day 81 was back. But he wasn't alone. On a nearby branch sat another goldfinch. A goldfinch that kept inching closer and closer to my buddy.

I couldn't help but smile at what happened next.

Day 82 of 365

I set a personal best last night. A record of something I've never done before.

It's not that I've taken a picture and written about it every day for 82 days. It's not that I've exercised for 36 straight days. (Even though those are also personal bests.)

It was that I had a salad for two days in a row.

My husband loves vegetables. I don't. To say I hate them would be more accurate. Can't stand salad. Can't stand radishes, broccoli, cabbage, kohlrabi, peas, carrots, spinach, arugula, kale - all of which we planted this year. Tomatoes? Only if they're in salsa. Cucumbers? Only when they are pickles.

The fact that I handpicked the spinach, arugula, and radishes from the garden isn't a big deal. Making a salad from them was no big deal. But the fact that I actually ate some of that salad these last two days is a very big deal. It is quite comical to watch me eat it, though. I can't eat it plain, but I don't like salad dressing. So I mix it into something else we're having. Take a bite of potato and pile the salad on it. Anything to get it down. And down it went two nights in a row.

There are a couple vegetables I wouldn't mind eating so much. Of course they are starchy vegetables that aren't as healthy as the others. At least I'll be able to eat potatoes and corn without grimacing.

Come on corn, grow!

Day 81 of 365

It appears there are more and more times where I find that I don't notice something because it's just been there too long.

It's become part of the landscape, part of the furniture, part of the decor. It's there all the time so it's not noticeable anymore.

Like one of the puzzles I got for Christmas. I haven't opened the box and don't even know what the picture is (although I think there's yellow/orange and green in it). Yet, it's been sitting on the table with my sewing machine since December. Next to the sewing machine I've been using most days for the last couple months. The puzzle box has been in my way the entire time. Sometimes I move it to the left, sometimes I move it to the back. But for some reason, I keep forgetting it's there. Keep forgetting to actually pick it up and put it away. Or even pick it up and see what the picture is. The only reason I finally realized it was there (and didn't belong there) was because I was cleaning up the sewing room and had to dust it. (And believe me, after five months it was quite dusty.)

And like the quilt I have in the living room. The one in the huge frame. Even though I see it there every single day, it's like it doesn't register. I haven't done much more on it. Even yesterday when I was writing on my blog about being done quilting, I forgot all about it. So technically, I'm not done with quilts. I don't know how I missed that big thing in the middle of my living room.

And yesterday's radishes, too. First thing planted, first thing harvested? Nope. How did I forget that we've been eating off the arugula these last few weeks? Spinach? Yep, had that for dinner last night with the arugula and radishes. But I thought radishes were the only thing we'd planted that we'd been eating.

Finally I did catch something before it became too familiar. Every day when I'm typing away here, I look out the window. I might look at the lawn, the rose garden, or the tree right out the window. In one of my glances a couple days back I noticed a tree limb that had busted in the latest windstorm. Which then lead my mind to wander about how we're going to get it out since it's so high up in the tree, we don't have a ladder tall enough, don't want to have the high school kid climb the tree (liability issues), and how my daughter will probably have to climb it or we'll just have to leave the dead branch up there. So every day I glance up there to see if the leaves have completely died yet and how bad it would look to just leave it.

But something yellow was sitting on a branch up there. Something new, not part of the landscape, not expected. So I snapped a picture through our double paned (and somewhat dirty) windows.

Exercise update: 35 for 35.

Day 80 of 365

Now that the quilts are gone, I've decided to close up my sewing shop for the summer.

I really don't have a sewing shop, but I've used my sewing machine more in these last couple months than I have in probably the last five years combined. But the sewing room is a disaster with all the bits of pieces of fabric left over, and all the different colored threads around, and batting pieces, and ... The list goes on and on. So I'll be cleaning it up in there, organizing it all pretty, and then not messing it up again for some time. I do still have a couple small projects I'd like to get to, but nothing like doing five quilts in five days. What was I thinking?

I know what I'm thinking now, though. Now that the weather is warmer, and the gardens (and the weeds) have been calling my name, it's time for me to focus on something else for a bit.

Every year I do that anyway. For the past 17 years I've been working full time, crazy hours, bringing work home with me. Usually around the first or second week of June or so, I'm out of school and ready to leave it all behind. And ready to focus on the outside stuff. Since my husband had his last day of school yesterday (and I'm not working), I'm ready to start that outside focus now. A whole month early.

Focus on the outside of the house and the gardens. Focus on watering and weeding. Pruning and clipping. And on harvesting the vegetables we planted.

Like radishes. Our first thing planted back on April 1 is the first thing we got to eat from the garden today.

Exercise update: 34 for 34.

Day 79 of 365

There's a lot I didn't do today.

I didn't pull the tree seedlings out of the rose garden and wildflower garden, or cut out the winter damage in the roses.

I didn't dig the grass out of all the gardens or bring out the patio table.

I didn't put the new bench together or cut branches back from the roof.

I didn't empty the garbage cans of the dirt and weeds or cover the woodpecker hole in shed.

But I did do something important.

I met a goal I set this week. Quilting, binding, washing, clipping threads, sewing on labels. Five kids' quilts in one week. Quilt number five is finished. Now all of them are done, over, washed, folded, boxed up, and at the post office. Headed to the Quilts for Kids organization.

The lofty goal is now a completed goal. 

Exercise update: 33 for 33.

Day 78 of 365

I was watching someone being interviewed on TV today and she was talking about having had 9 surgeries in her lifetime. That number seemed shocking when she said it.

But as I started to think about it, I've already bypassed that number these past several years.

My body has been making things more difficult for me. I'm aging faster than I should be. I had to have a hysterectomy at age 30. Had to have a total knee replacement at age 44. And just yesterday the doctor told me I have the back of a 60 year old. Excuse me, I'm only 45? What's that back going to look like when I am 60?

And the next not-so-great news from the rheumatologist? That Methotrexate that I take on Wednesday nights? The pills that I take 8 of all at the same time? Well, it's time to switch to an injection there, too. So next week I will start taking two shots. One injection of the chemotherapy drug Methotrexate and one injection of the TB and cancer-causing drug Enbrel.

I know my situation is not unique. I know there are others out there suffering (or managing) better than I am. But some days I just have to live one day at a time.

One more day of exercising (that's 32 in a row now). One more day of finishing up a kids quilt.

Day 77 of 365

It's true that one thing leads to another.

I had an appointment with the rheumatologist today. Since I had to drive towards the big city to get there, I went ahead and went all the way to the city to see my daughter. And since Target is at the freeway interchange on the way to the doctor's and my daughter's, I made a Target run, too.

My Target take: (AC=After Coupons)

• 4 trays of Whiskas Cat food $2.28  ($1.14 AC)
• Up & Up baby shampoo $1.37  ($.62 AC)
• 2 bottles French's Mustard $2.14  ($.57 each AC)
• 2 packs Dentyne Gum $2.08  ($.04 each AC)
• 2 Dulcolax $9.48 ($.74 each AC)
• 2 Propel $1.84 ($.42 each AC)
• 3 Crystal Light $7.47 ($1.49 each AC)

I paid with a gift card my husband received last week, so no out of pocket expenses for me.

When I got to my daughter's she gave me my Mother's Day present. A new rolling pin from Williams-Sonoma. Just the one I wanted! (Thanks kiddo.) And she treated me to lunch today - sandwiches from Jimmy Johns (thanks again kiddo).

After my doctor's appointment I went to the McDonald's across the street and picked up my free frozen strawberry lemonade (from the coupon in Sunday's paper).

My only expense was the doctors co-pay. (Except there will be a bill that follows for the several tubes of blood they took.)

Didn't pay at Target, didn't pay for a new rolling pin, didn't pay for lunch, didn't pay for strawberry lemonade.

And on top of that, finished a quilt and exercised for the 31st day in a row.

A productive but cheap day.

Day 76 of 365

What a day.

Some days I sit down at the computer and am not sure what I want to write about. Today was not one of those days. It seemed that so much happened out of the ordinary that I wanted to write about too many things.

I wanted to write about that fact that we had a frost last night and I'm not sure if our plants made it or not.

I wanted to write about all I did this morning - got up early, exercised first thing (30 days in a row), paid bills, got a load of laundry on the clothesline. (All before 9:30.)

I also wanted to write about how I went to school for a meeting, visited there for a while, picked up a hamburger for lunch, and worked on the computer in the afternoon.

Of all of those things the only thing that is in a normal, average day is the exercise. (Well, that and laundry and bill paying ever so often.) Laundry, bill paying, and all of those other things combined to make it an unusual day.

But since I've done too many me, me, me posts lately, I won't be writing about any of those things.

Today's it's all about the kids quilt I finished. These first few I'm finishing are with material that the quilting for kids organization sent me. Two down and three to go.

Now when I send these five quilts out the door, can I count that as downsizing?

Day 75 of 365

By reading back on my posts, it seems I've been a bit selfish lately. My garden, my to-do list, my exercising, my pain, my fabric, my organizing, my downsizing, my unknown job status. My, my, my.

Time to get back to doing what I set out to do. Be thankful for what I have. Be thankful for being able to, on my good days, do things for others.

So today I finished one of those things I was oh-so-excited about doing a few weeks back. Doing kids quilts for charity. I was so excited when I received fabric, excited when I made the quilt tops, but the excitement waned as the spring garden season came around.

The weather has cooled off again so the work in the gardens can wait (even those weeds).  This week's goal is to get five (yep, 5) quilts finished. All the top parts are ready, but I need to add the batting and backing (which I now have thanks to that fabric arrival a few days back). I'm quilting all of them on the machine, then will wash them and send them on their way. Having them done by Friday might be pushing it, but that's the plan.

Today's picture is one of the now finished quilts hanging on my clothesline. (Which in itself is exciting - my shoulders work well enough that I can hang things on a clothesline now!)

Exercise update: 29 for 29.

Day 74 of 365

I've never been one to write in a journal.

There have been a couple times in my life where I've put pen to paper at the end of every day, but in total it probably hasn't been for more than just a few months.

So I'm surprised at myself for actually writing here each day. And putting it out for all to read. When I first started this blog I didn't know if anyone would read it. Now I have a few followers, a few people who post comments, but according to the statistics I have access to, many more read it every day.

I'm glad I'm writing things down here. Writing down my thoughts and activities, taking a picture of something noteworthy, and keeping track of how many days I'm exercising has given me a project. Something to keep me moving forward and a record of how far I've come.

But most importantly, it has kept me accountable. Especially when it comes to the exercise department.

28 days in a row. 28 days of riding the exercise bike. 28 days of getting my blood pumping. Of getting my shoulders, arms, and legs stronger.

I can honestly say I have never in my entire life exercised for 28 days in a row before. There's an interesting thing that happens when you exercise every day for a month. Your muscles feel stronger. Your clothes fit better. You stand up a bit taller. And you don't feel like you need to eat as much.

Last time when I lost a significant amount of weight, I was on prescription amphetamines. Kept me going all day, kept me up all night. They made me not want to eat, but they didn't necessarily make me want to exercise. So some days I did, and some days I didn't.

But by having people I don't even know check up on me and give me encouraging words does make me want to exercise. And makes me want to do it each day.

So to all who read my blog daily or occasionally, and to those who are on this road with me, I thank you. I thank you for your positive comments, your encouragement, and your interest in what I'm doing. Just a few short months ago, I certainly didn't think I was going to make it out of the mess I was in.

Now I feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. (And this time I don't think it's a train.)

I'm like the peas my daughter replanted a couple weeks back. The first batch was planted back on April 1. Those dissolved in the ground from too much rain and not enough warmth. The second batch was planted just 10 days ago. The combination of good weather and enriched soil has them bursting from the ground and inching toward the trellis, looking to grow tall and strong.

And thanks to the combination of my daily writing, picture taking, and your positive support, I'm doing the same.

Day 73 of 365

Some days I have no sense of time.

I used to (when I was working) always wear a watch. I even wore a watch on the weekends. Being on time, knowing what time it was, knowing how much time something was taking - all important. Crucially important. But now? Now that I have nowhere to be and no schedule to keep, time just flies by. On those days I get a lot done, time flies by. On those days where I feel like I get nothing done, time flies by.

And all without looking at a watch or a clock. My watch battery died last year and I have no intention of replacing it. When I was taking down my watermelon things out of my kitchen back on Day 68, I knocked my kitchen clock off the wall and broke it. Haven't fixed it, haven't even thought of getting a new one.

Really, how many clocks do we need? We've cut down the number in the last few years, but we still have a clock in the kitchen (on the microwave), one in the dining room, one in the living room, one in the sewing room, the alarm clock in the bedroom, the one on the computer, the one on the cell phone, one in my daughter's old room, and one in the room off the carport.

In the summer we definitely don't pay attention to time. As a high school teacher, most of the year for my husband revolves around time, specific to the minute. A class might start at 1:13. Not 1:15, not 1:20, but 1:13. So during the year he - and all other teachers - have to be obsessive about the specific time. When summer break comes (five days and counting), all time seems to disappear.

Which is where I've been living for quite some time now. So much time under the influence of doctor-prescribed pain medication. And now, as I'm getting back to living, so much time doing the things I love. Sewing, baking, and gardening. It's been so long since I've been able to get out and enjoy working outside, I am now remembering how much I missed it.

Time flies so fast when I'm outside. My typical sewing/workout/blog writing schedule got skewed today because I was still busy outside, not a care in the world, doing what needed to be done. And thanks to me exercising everyday (27 out of 27 days so far), I'm feeling stronger. Stronger to do my outside work.

But a storm is brewing, and outside work time is over for today. Black skies are all around and thunderstorms are headed our way. Nothing like the pretty clouds billowing up when I was outside earlier.

Day 72 of 365

I spent quite a bit of time outside today.

I still got my exercising done (26 for 26) , got some quilting work on the kids' quilts done, but with the weather heading towards 80 degrees today, I just couldn't resist.

Part of the reason I stayed outside more than usual was because of the issues with the blog. Not just my blog, but everyone who has their blog hosted by Google had service issues for the past couple days. We were able to look at our blogs but not able to post anything. So instead of getting all upset and ranting and raving like some folks were, I decided to ride out the down time outside working on that huge list from the other day, crossing off things as I went.

• Pull tree seedlings out of rose garden and wildflower garden.
• Cut out winter damage in roses.
• Clip back tulips and other spring bulbs.
• Dig grass out of all gardens.
• Cut up broken branch from last week's windstorm.
• Replant herbs (except parsley and oregano).
• Cut landscape timbers to fit around new climbing roses.
• Bring out patio table.
• Put new bench together.
• Plant morning glory.
• Cut branches back from roof.
• Pinch off peony side shoots.
• Empty garbage cans of dirt/weeds.
• Cover woodpecker hole in shed.
• Weed strawberry bed.
• Pinch off blooms from strawberries.

And a clarification about the pinching of the strawberry blooms. We planted brand new bareroot strawberries this year. Since they are in their first year and they are everbearing strawberries (setting fruit more than once), it's necessary to pinch off all the blooms until the first of July. By doing this, the plants will be stronger and healthier and we'll have a better crop next year. We won't have to pinch the blooms again - it's just a first year thing.

As for pinching off the side shoots from the peonies, that's an every year thing. By pinching off the side flowers early, the main flower will be bigger and stronger.

Since I'm starting to feel like a photographer (and a gardener), I started taking my camera outside with me every time I go. As I was cutting back the tulips (not the leaves, just the main stem of the spent plants), I took one last picture of them. I have a few pink ones that are just now coming on, but for the most part the tulips are gone. So one last attempt at taking a close up picture.

Day 71 of 365

I look at what my husband eats and don’t get why I weigh more than him.

Stopping at restaurants he had seen on the Food Network and Travel Channel was a high priority when we traveled coast to coast a few years back. It seems every trip we’ve taken has revolved around food.

Hot Dogs in New York City. Beignets in New Orleans. Barbecue in Memphis. Pukka Dogs in Hawaii.  Reindeer Sausage in Anchorage. Throwed rolls at Lambert’s Café in Missouri. Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream in Vermont.

And my husband always eats more than me. And he doesn’t exercise (unless you count teaching). Yet year after year, I always outweigh him.

Some years I change my eating habits, some years he does. We never seem to be on the same schedule.

A couple years back, we coordinated our change in eating habits. He had some to lose; I had a bunch to lose. I was on a “medically supervised program” (meaning the doctor prescribed me amphetamines and restricted me to less than 1000 calories a day). We both lost weight, but I lost quite a bit more than my husband. But when we started veering from the plan, we both gained it back. And mine came back on a lot faster.

So now that summer is just about here, my husband and I have been talking about looking at an anti-inflammatory diet. Fruits and veggies, fish and some lean meats. With rheumatoid arthritis, inflammation is something I have big problems with, so it might be a good option for both reducing inflammation and losing some pounds. My exercise routine is already in place (25 days in a row now!), so maybe it’s a good time for us to try controlling the diet.

But not tonight. We had pulled pork sandwiches and homemade oven fries. But as usual, my husband had to turn it into Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives (a Food Network show).

Pulled pork, coleslaw, and fries all in one. Yuck.

Day 70 of 365

I sat down today and made a to-do list of all the things that need to happen outside in the next couple weeks.

The list is long:

• Pull tree seedlings out of rose garden and wildflower garden.
• Cut out winter damage in roses.
• Clip back tulips and other spring bulbs.
• Dig grass out of all gardens.
• Cut up broken branch from last week's windstorm.
• Replant herbs (except parsley and oregano).
• Cut landscape timbers to fit around new climbing roses.
• Bring out patio table.
• Put new bench together.
• Plant morning glory.
• Cut branches back from roof.
• Pinch off peony side shoots.
• Empty garbage cans of dirt/weeds.
• Cover woodpecker hole in shed.
• Weed strawberry bed.
• Pinch off blooms from strawberries.

And in prioritizing them, a few projects that can wait a bit:

• Clean out gutters.
• Cut board for ditch.
• Build trellis for tomatoes.
• Put sealant on new bench and rocking chair.
• Finish cement edging in wildflowers.
• Remove landscape fabric/edging around tree.
• Use edging from around tree to edge vegetable garden.
• Finish terracing behind shed
• Re-stain all landscape timbers.

Now that the weather is finally warming up, we're a bit behind. We will hopefully have the high school student help us out with a few of the more labor intensive ones. And two things on the list I already did today. I (finally) weeded the strawberry bed, and since it's the first year for them, I had to pluck off all the blossoms.

Before I did, I snapped a picture of one of them. I see that I missed some weed roots, but the strawberries sure look different than when I planted them as bare-roots back on Day 16.

Exercise update: 24 for 24.

Day 69 of 365

I feel like a slacker today.

I'm so far behind on everything. I thought I'd be farther down the road on the downsizing. I'm working at it quite often, but it isn't my priority so it slides. I'm falling farther behind on the quilt that's in the frame. I've worked on it a few days, but haven't even finished one section of it yet. My rose garden is full of tree seedlings that have sprouted after the seed pods dropped from the trees last year. If I don't watch it, we're going to wind up with a tree farm instead of a rose garden. My strawberries still haven't been weeded. And thank goodness my husband has been watering our newly planted vegetable garden, because I certainly haven't.

I don't know where the time goes. I spend an hour or two on the computer each day, working on the blog and printing recipes, coupons, and patterns. I exercise. I eat cereal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and cook dinner. I don't sit down to watch TV but a couple times a week in the evenings.

So where does it go? I can't get a handle on it. I spend time figuring out what I'm going to take a picture of. I walk across the street to get the mail. I take a shower. I get dressed. (Not in that order.)

I look back at the blog and know I've done a lot. And some days I'm excited about it. But today even that isn't enough to pull me out of my funk. Maybe I'm just tired. Or maybe it's because I know I only have a few days left to be home by myself. Next Friday is my husband's last day of school. Out for the summer, home every day, never leaving (unless I drive him). My private quiet time days are going to be gone, replaced with a husband who has no hobbies (unless you count watching sports on TV). I'll miss my quiet times, but I'm not sure I really deserve them if I can't figure out how I'm using them.

One thing that did take some time today will help me get one of my projects finished up. When I put backings on quilts, I've always used sheets. I made several kids' quilt tops a little while back, but wanted to put some brighter backings on them instead of the basic sheet colors I usually use. So I found a great deal (less than $15 for over 35 yards) on some solid colored fabrics on ebay a couple weeks back. They arrived today (there goes the downsizing) and I have them all nicely folded, ready to pick from so I can finish up these tops and get them out the door.

I just need to have something finished. Maybe then I can feel good about where my day has gone. Because right now I don't.

Exercise update: 23 for 23.

Day 68 of 365

When we moved into this house, we went from a rental that had less than 900 square feet to our own home with 2000 square feet. It was the first house we'd ever owned after many years of renting.

In the past 12 years in this house we've proceeded to fill up every empty room, every empty wall, every empty corner. Furniture, pictures, books and magazines, and wall quilts. A couple of rooms are especially bad. The bedroom and the kitchen.

For some reason (which I don't remember now), we decided when we moved here we wanted a cabin-themed bedroom. So all the furniture is dark wood, the walls are green, the bedspread is woodsy, and the walls are covered with pictures, signs, and cabin decor. Moose, bears, trees - anything that could resemble the mountains. But last year as I spent torturous hours and hours in bed with my leg strapped in the CPM machine (a machine that forces your knee to bend after replacement surgery), I had nothing to do but stare at the walls and ceiling. And I started to have a strong dislike for the bedroom decor. I wanted it simpler, more peaceful. Even after I was up and about out of the machine and spent fewer hours in the bedroom, I realized I was just plain tired of all the junk in there.

A spa theme might be more relaxing. Some blue, some brown, and minimalist decorations. So when I was at my daughter's recouping from the shoulder surgery, my husband took down all the cabin themed things. And the bedroom looked empty. Now I'm used to the blankness of the bedroom. I may change the wall color and come up with a different bedspread, but am not at all interested in adding anything back.

Then there's the kitchen. A watermelon-themed kitchen is what I started out with here. And I've added to it, and added, and added. Now it's time to take away. I love the look of red and white, but the watermelons are going. No more signs, decor, pictures (well, maybe one picture). And just like a few months back, it now looks blank. But I'm sure I'll get used to it. I know I have more watermelon things around, but I must have stuck them somewhere else because I can't find them today.

Maybe I can't find the rest because it's harder for me to give these things up than the bedroom things. But I'm sure I'll be glad I did (eventually).

The downsizing continues...

Exercise update: 22 for 22.

Day 67 of 365

Today is Mother's Day. But since we celebrated on Thursday when my daughter was home, today isn't Mother's Day for me.

My husband never has been one to celebrate it with me. When my daughter was young, Mother's Day often went by unnoticed. His belief is that the child should be the doing/ buying for the mother, so until my daughter got old enough and had some money, I knew not to expect the day to be anything special. I'm sure there are other men that feel the same way, but I also know there are other men who, no matter how young the child is, celebrate the day with their wives.

So today is a plain ole' day for me. My daughter did call this morning to wish me happy Mother's Day. And I called my mom. She and her good friend Nona had a wonderful - and sugar filled - time eating the treats I sent her way. She even sent me a picture of the remains of their feast and I'm posting it here today. (Although when I spoke to her this morning, she let me know the goodies have now all been devoured.)

In looking for my picture for today, I decided on a single red rose. We don't have any of our roses blooming yet, but the new climbing rose we planted this week is blooming.

So for all the moms out there, here's a rose and a wish for a Happy Mother's Day!

And to my mom, Happy Mother's Day. Here's her picture of the leftovers (what little there is) for all to see! (Remember what it looked like on Day 65?)

Exercise update: 21 for 21. That's 3 weeks straight!