Day 100 of 365

Wow. One hundred days.

A hundred days of taking pictures. A hundred days of writing.

Of finding a way to get through the day. A hundred days of trying not to think about pain. (Some of those days I wasn't good at that one.) Of trying to mask the pain and frustration I feel from those around me. (Okay, not always good at that one, either.)

One hundred days worth of sewing, baking, gardening, bird watching, and Target shopping. Of paying it forward with quilts and and concert tickets and expired coupons.

Of downsizing, yet buying more fabric to finish up quilts. One hundred days of trying to focus on the needs of others and on life around me.

A hundred days of self-reflection. Of telling my story.

Of physical therapy, doctor's appointments, medical tests, injections. A hundred days of hoping for a better life.

Of learning to start an exercise habit (54 days in a row now, a little over 16 miles on the bike this week), of kicking the sugar addiction, and of starting to eat salads (even though I still have to mix it with something else).

One hundred days of (trying) to coming to terms with my physical limitations.

Of trying to answer the crucial questions. How do I move on? How can I be a useful, productive citizen when I can't even stand long enough to wash dishes, cook dinner, or brush my teeth? (Not to worry - I do brush my teeth properly, but I have to sit.)

Back on Day 1 I didn't know if I'd ever make it to Day 100.

But here we are. I am still here. I am alive and breathing.

Back on Day 1 I was thankful for my family, for my husband as breadwinner, and for my daughter who let me live with her for my last surgical recovery. I was thankful for the cat that climbed up on me when I wasn't feeling so great and for the roof over my head. I was thankful for the view of the river I have from my living room window. And thankful that on some days I was able to do things that benefited others like collecting coupons to send to military families, making blankets for babies, and making cookies for my physical therapists.

After 100 days I can now add more to that thankful list.

I'm so thankful for my gardens, my ability to write, my camera (for sure!), my commitment to exercising, my time spent sewing for others, the birds that appear out my window, and the beauty around me.

100 days ago I wasn't spending time searching and recognizing the beauty around me. I was lost and didn't know where I was going. I was wandering and floundering in my own pool of unknowns. Bitter and angry.

So many unknowns are still present, but I'm learning to be a better (as opposed to a bitter) person despite my physical restrictions.

And 100 days later I'm thankful to those of you who read my blog and to those who comment on what I write. I'm thankful for your support as I continue to move forward. And thankful that you hang in there with me even when the only things you're reading about are complaints from me.

I couldn't have predicted I'd be where I am now 100 days ago. I can't even imagine where the next 100 days are going to take me!

But on this day - Day 100 - I again discovered beauty in my rose garden. Another rose opened up today.

It just so happens to be the one called "Peace".

Day 99 of 365

I don't think my mind is playing tricks on me this time.

Back on Day 83 I had left the doctor's office in a funk. I had gained weight despite exercising for 37 days in a row. I had started to clean up my diet, was starting to eat salads, and was extremely disappointed that the scale showed I had gained weight when I was expecting it to show I'd lost weight.

Yesterday when I had my test at the hospital, I didn't get weighed so I didn't worry about weight gain or loss.

But today when I got home from spending the night at my daughter's and was getting ready to go to a meeting at school, I put on a new pair of pants. Actually, a pair of pants I bought several months ago. A pair I've never worn because I couldn't fit into them. But today I put on those pair of pants. And they fit just fine.

So despite what that darn scale said at the doctor's office two weeks ago, my body is changing shape. In a good way. And that makes it easier to keep doing what I'm doing - like exercising for the 53rd day in a row.

The other nice thing about today when I got home from spending the night at my daughter's? My husband was crafting a big bouquet of huge peonies from our garden.

Not bad for a guy's flower arrangement.

Day 98 of 365

Today is a day I'd just rather forget. Mostly I'd like to forget the time between 12 and 1 o'clock.

Up so I could dress and exercise before 7.

So I could leave by 8.

So I could be at my daughter's by 9.

So I could be at the hospital by 10.

So I could have a procedure that was scheduled to start before 11.

So I could wait more until it finally started before 12.

So I could come out from under the sedation in the middle of the procedure and be awake while a tube and camera were down my throat looking into my stomach.

So I could gag and choke as the procedure continued on while more sedation didn't kick in.

So I could find out that I have a hiatal hernia, had my esophagus biopsied, and that I may need surgery, all before 1.

So I could be back at my daughter's by 2.

So I could sleep until 5.

So I could eat by 6.

So I could go home.

But not today. I was given strict instructions not to drive until tomorrow. I'm camped out at my daughter's, sleeping in her bed and taking it easy. And hoping to get back home tomorrow.

Thank goodness I had time to snap a picture of my wildflower-turned-perennial garden before I left the house. My pink oriental poppies are getting ready to show off.

Better them than my upper digestive system.

Day 97 of 365

The weather aided me in opening the sewing room again. It rained all morning and made me feel not as guilty about getting into the sewing more than the gardening.

Looking back over these last 97 days I've done a lot of sewing!

• Day 1 pincushions 
• Day 3 flag quilt top
• Day 8 memory games
• Day 11 baby quilt
• Day 14 camera bag  
• Day 17 and 27 pillowcases
• Day 20 t-shirt grocery bags 
• Day 29 clothespin bag
• Day 34 potholders
• Day 35 makeup bag 
• Day 38 bread basket liner 
• Day 39 baby quilt top
• Day 41 Dick and Jane magnets
• Day 44 baby quilt tops
• Day 46 baby quilt tops
• Day 75 finished baby quilt 
• Day 76 finished baby quilt 
• Day 77 finished baby quilt 
• Day 78 finished baby quilt
• Day 79 finished baby quilt
• Day 86 quilt top

I'm glad I game myself permission yesterday to get back into it. And boy, did I get into it. I usually always use another person's pattern (even though I sometimes alter it a bit) when I make something. I saw a quilt pattern I wanted to try but didn't want to shell out the money, so I tried to duplicate it myself. I'm still working away on it and hope to have the top finished by the end of the week. I think (I hope) it'll be one of my pictures soon.

But for today's picture - after the rain stopped and the sun started shining I went to take a look (not work) in the garden. And my roses have started blooming! The first official rose that has bloomed is one of my favorites - Rio Samba. A yellow rose with orange highlights and a nice spicy fragrance (and if I wasn't sick I'd be able to smell it).

Day 96 of 365

I don't know why I think I can do it all. I should be able to garden, sew, and bake all in the same week.

But the amount of time I'm taking to get myself going in the morning has to change. On any given day I might get up, go to the lift chair, have breakfast, go back to bed for a few minutes, back to the chair, then to a shower, then get dressed, then back to the chair or bed, then to the computer, then get my shoes on. It can take three or more hours for me to finally be showered, dressed, and fed. Then another hour or so before the body is warmed up enough where I can start moving to work in the garden.

I've tried to move the process up, but depending on the day - and the severity of the pain in the back and the joints - it's tough to do. Those days where I do speed it up, I wind up paying for it because I'm hurting even more. So realistically if I wake up at 7, it can be noon before I can start to do anything worthwhile.

It's not any different than a few months ago. But then I could work quietly in the house, organizing something, maybe do some less taxing work like sewing, and get by. With the garden season in full swing there isn't much less taxing work available.

So yet again I'm frustrated. Frustrated with my body, with my limitations. There is a lot I can do and a lot I am thankful for, but gardening is not becoming one of them.

I think the best remedy is to open my sewing room again. Back on Day 80 I had decided to close it for summer. But I now need it. I need to have somewhere to go and something to do on these rough mornings. Something that will get my mind off my pain and troubles. Get myself focusing on someone and something else.

I thought gardening, one of the things I love so dearly, was going to help me get moving in the right direction. I was wrong.

Back to what I know makes me feel better about myself and something I know my joints can tolerate. Sewing for others.

And perfect timing on that decision. Outside my sewing room window I spied a pair of quail in the garden.

Day 95 of 365

Today was an I'm just plumb worn out day.

After going to Boise on Monday, birthday shopping with my daughter on Tuesday, going to school on Wednesday and Thursday, celebrating her birthday on Friday, and back to Boise on Saturday I'm just worn out.

With still fighting the flu, still fighting the icky-ness I'm feeling from the injections, having hubby home all the time, and having this busy week it just did me in. I can't remember the last time I had a week like this. I like my quiet days (that was before my husband was out for summer). It was me, the cat, and the sewing machine.

But now I have the husband, the cat, the gardens, the daughter this week, school this week, and the car I'm having to drive everywhere.

When I originally started this blog, I was hoping it would help me get back to the land of the living instead of the land of the existing. Right now I'm kinda longing for the land of the existing. I've just done too much living this week for this body to handle!

I was so tired last night I fell asleep early and didn't wake up until 6:30 this morning. I was super thirsty so I went to the kitchen to get a drink of water. And found my picture of the day. First thing. Before I even had a chance to get that drink of water.

I took a picture of the sun coming up through the clouds (it was prettier in person). Then I took my drink and went right back to bed.

Day 94 of 365

On my way to and from town I saw tons of signs directing me to things that were happening today.

Gun show. Open House. Wine Tasting. Free Car Wash. Farmer's Market. Sign Recall Petition Here. Dozens and dozens of yard sale/garage sale signs.

I used to go to yard sales a lot. Mostly for books. I was looking for a cheap way to build my classroom library, and my daughter would tag along hoping to pick something up for herself. But then I stopped. I don't know why, but I just did. Then we only went to yard sales in Sun Valley when we had girls' weekend. But we haven't been to Sun Valley in a couple years, so we haven't been to any yard sales in a while. Honestly, in the past few years I've been so plagued with health issues I haven't had any interest in going to a yard sale, let alone leaving the house.

But every time I saw a yard sale sign today, I wondered why I'm not even considering stopping at one now. Maybe it's because I'm trying to get rid of our stuff we already have. Maybe it's because I know I don't need any more books. (We have an entire living room wall of bookshelves full of books.) I don't need any more fabric, or household items, or junk.

So after I dropped my daughter off I came straight home, skipped all yard sales, and went outside. I spent time doing what I consider to be more important than acquiring stuff. Watching the hummingbird bring more fluff for her nest. Watching the cat wander around. Checking out my flowers that are blooming.

And I watched a bee working hard in my oriental poppies. I'm not sure what the spider's role was, though. It doesn't matter since both of them are more interesting than a yard sale would have been today.

Day 93 of 365

It's been 23 years exactly.

23 years since our one and only child was born. It wasn't meant to be that way. We planned on having several kids, but things don't always work out as planned.

We tried for many years and wound up with nothing but two ectopic pregnancies that never made it past the first couple months. Then any chance to have more kids ended when I had to have a hysterectomy when I was 30. We briefly considered adoption, but my husband nixed that quickly. He had seen plenty of students in his high school classes who were adopted, struggling to find who they were and where they came from, that he had absolutely no interest in being part of that heartache.

So our one girl was all we would ever have. There's a perception that only children are spoiled. In one respect, that is true. But we learned early not to spoil her with "stuff". We never bought her a car, a cell phone, an ipod, or a computer. We spoiled her with experiences and opportunities. Museums, camps, trips and travel. Before she went to college, we had made sure she'd visited all 50 states. She's been on two cruises. She's driven on the beaches of Texas, swam in the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans and the Gulf of Mexico. She's played in volleyball tournaments around Idaho, Utah, and Nevada. She's snorkeled in the waters of Alaska and hiked a volcano in Hawaii.

At 23 it's getting to the point where she'll start paying for her own experiences and opportunities. What we will continue to do, though, is make her feel special on her birthday. Special with a few presents, a good homemade barbecue dinner of her choosing (steak, grilled onions, garlic bread, and asparagus, baked potatoes, and salad). Special with a cake decorated by her mommer (me).

I didn't spend the amount of time I should in decorating it, but it'll do for the three of us. I'm taking what my horoscope said today to heart. "Don't beat yourself up for not being perfect!"

And kiddo, remember that for yourself too. Happy Birthday!

Exercise update: Today was 47 days in a row. I've been down with the flu all week so it's been difficult to exercise every day, but I did it. I cut back on the amount of time I usually bike, so the total biked this week was only a little over 15 miles.

Day 92 of 365

I keep drawing these lines in the sand. And I keep moving them.

First it was the handicapped placard for the car. Long before I had my knee replacement the joint had deteriorated to bone on bone. I went more than a year that way, limping and in a lot of pain. Even going from the parking lot into the doctor's office was tough. Once in a while I would make some comment about how parking in the handicap spot might help some.

But I had no intention of ever doing that. I drew a line in the sand. In no way would I ever get a handicapped placard. I am not handicapped. I will not ever consider myself bad enough to park in one of those spots.

Except the pain kept getting worse and worse. And the walk from the car to the doctor's office, or the grocery store, or work, became more and more painful.

So with the encouragement of my family, I got up the nerve to talk to the doctor about it. The line in the sand was moved when the doctor said, based on my knee, that I absolutely needed one.

When it arrived in the mail, I again drew a line in the sand when I refused to use it.

More pain, more difficulty in walking, and the insistence from my daughter that I use it. So I started to park in the handicapped spot - only sometimes - thus moving the line again.

Then I drew a line in the sand about using a cane. Nope, never will I use a cane at work. If I'm that bad off, I'll quit working. Except I had things to do at work. And as the bones began to wear down more and more my leg started to become deformed.

I had to use a cane to get me around. Moved the line.

Then came the shots for arthritis. Would I ever give myself my own shots? Nope, never. I'm drawing the line there, doctor.

Two months ago my pain, swelling, and stiffness was keeping me from being functional and I was desperate. There goes another line moved.

Thank goodness it's a prefilled syringe that I push down and click, so there's no looking at the needle. There's no way I could ever give myself a shot where I had to measure it myself and watch the needle go in. That is definitely my very last line in the sand. I will not budge.

But that line has been crossed. I give myself weekly injections of Methotrexate. I have to measure it, I have to watch the needle go in.

I can't believe it's come to this. I can't believe this is my life.

I can't believe I have to, in addition to all of the other medications I take, do this. Do this to be able to get out of bed. To be able to type. To be able to tie my shoes, ride an exercise bike, open a jar. To just get through the day.

Day 91 of 365

I have to take back the statement I made last week. I had written that I wasn't really into birds all that much.

But I think I am becoming a bird person.

After the goldfinch on Day 81, the kissing goldfinches on Day 83, the red winged blackbird from Day 85, and the multiple bird encounters from Day 87 how can I not?

Then add in this one hummingbird that keeps hanging around that is pushing me into the bird watching territory. It's out the front window, out the window when I'm at the computer, and out the bedroom window. We hadn't been able to figure out where she's going (or more importantly where her nest is). We have a hummingbird that returns every year to a nest near our garden, but she has not returned this year so we've been getting a bit worried. We hope it's the same one but have been disappointed with no nesting.

So when a hummingbird link came up on the quilting board site that I visit, I clicked on it. A live hummingbird nest, complete with two tic tac sized eggs. Maybe this live camera of a hummingbird sitting on her eggs and fluffing her nest would be a good substitute for not seeing our hummingbird nesting.

The website also had a live loon camera from Minnesota. On and off for the last two days my daughter and I have sat watching baby loons breaking out of their shells, being cared for by their parents, and riding on the backs of mom and dad. Last night we went to bed worried because one of the babies had gone off into the lake in the dark. Alas, this morning all was okay as baby was back. Such drama! But we've enjoyed checking on the little ones throughout the day.

Then, to top it off, we finally found a nesting hummingbird here at home. Have a seat at our patio table and look straight up. You'll see a momma bringing in some fluff and building an ever-so-soft nest. Can't wait for the babies!

Yep, I'm a birdwatcher now.

Day 90 of 365

Today was one of those busy days I was not looking forward to. Being sick and having to go out isn't what I would call fun.

Except I spent the day out with my daughter, shopping for her birthday. Which made it a little more fun. Now that I'm not working, money is a bit tighter so we're not spending as much on birthdays and holidays. So it's a good thing that her tastes aren't too expensive.

Actually, her tastes are expensive. She works in one of the clothing departments that cater to her generation (and her size) at a high end department store. So while she works long and hard at that job, she has also acquired a taste for some of the finer, brand-name labels. But she makes her own money and spends her own money (and a lot of it is spent there at her store). She knows better than to ask us to purchase anything for her from there. We don't even shop in that particular store ourselves.

Growing up in a small rural farming community of less than 900, belonging to clubs like FFA (Future Farmers of America), she knows the value of hard work. She also has learned that as long as your basic needs are met, it's not necessary to live a lavish lifestyle.

So as we were shopping for her birthday today she was conscientious about where we shopped. Mass retailers were her preference. We picked up a purse (on sale), but the best couple deals we found were at (surprise) Target. She hit the clearance racks and found a couple of presents that fit her style.

She found:

• A shirt, regularly priced at $17.99, marked down to $4.48 minus a $3 coupon for a total price of $1.48.
• A swimsuit top (she already has a bottom) regularly priced at $14.99, marked down to $3.74

$5.53 (including tax) for $32.98 of clothes. That's over $27 off.

I just might be able to afford to keep her!

Day 89 of 365

Today was the day I was giving away that lovely, yet difficult for me to quilt, quilt top. We had 10 people interested, so I used random.org to randomly choose the winner.

Congrats to Cheryl, who wrote:
You have made a very beautiful quilt. For sure to wrap around someone in love while they see stars in there eyes keeping warm. I'm am putting quilts together for my daughters "Childrens's Heart Disease Foundation. There will be a auction this June. I would so love to add this in the auction and include your name on the back. thank you for allowing me to share and be a part of your drawing, most of all thank you for sharing something you at one time so loved. Blessings Cheryl 

As soon as I get your address Cheryl, I'll get it in the mail.

So the quilt will head out, but the batting and backing is still sitting on the sewing room table. With a cat still on it. Just like yesterday.

And just like yesterday, I can't get myself out of the house or out of my sweats. But today, now I can't get hardly get myself out of bed. This week is going to be busy - daughter will be home, have to go shopping to buy her a birthday present, have two meetings on two different days at school this week, and then her birthday. I'll be leaving the house every day this week. I don't know the last time that happened.

The last time a bird talked to a squirrel about the best place to meet me? Looks like today. Thank goodness for cameras and windows. Even if they aren't totally clean (the windows, that is).

Day 88 of 365

Today was spent watching racing. First Indy 500, then NASCAR. On TV, of course.

We've actually been to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. It was one of our must-stops on the cross-country trip we took a few years ago. The day we went the Richard Petty Driving Experience was going on. That's where folks plop down a nice chunk of money (like over $100 if I remember right) to ride along in a NASCAR race car for a couple laps around the track. We didn't do it, but could certainly hear how loud those cars can be flying around the track at 150+ miles an hour. We also could certainly appreciate how difficult it is to capture pictures of cars going that fast. I probably used more film on that one day of our trip than any other day anywhere. And half of those pictures turned out to be of an empty racetrack. The cars were just too darn fast!

But I know at some point in our lives we'll go back. And we'll go back on Indy race day. But not this year, and not next, and I imagine not the next. It's one of those things we talk about that we always say we are going to do, (and I hope we can), but things have to improve for me substantially before I can see myself traveling that far again. Just security at the airport is going to be an ordeal for me now! I'll be carrying needles and prefilled syringes - and the full body scan is going to light up like a Christmas tree - 3 screws in the right shoulder, 4 screws in the left, and big chunks of metal in my left knee.

So the Indy 500, the Kentucky Derby, and Mardi Gras all get put on a "someday" list.

As if I don't already have enough issues, with the way I'm feeling again today (going into week 2 of the flu) I can't even get myself out of the house or even out of my sweats. I haven't even had enough energy to fold up that batting and backing I took off of the quilt top a couple days back.

Which works out fine for the kitty. She's not looking to leave the house, either.

Day 87 of 365

I think the birds have been talking to each other. About me and this blog.

I imagine the ones I've snapped pictures of have been telling others to stick close to the house and if they happen to see me, pose. That they might get their picture on the internet and might be seen around the world.

In the past 24 hours, I've had several bird encounters:

• Yesterday evening as I was on the computer, a small bird (don't know what kind) grasped his little claws on my window screen and held himself there. I don't know what he thought he was trying to do, but if it was to get his picture taken it didn't happen. I was so startled it took me a bit to grab the camera out of my purse. By the time I had the camera ready to go, he was gone.
• This morning as I was getting out of bed, one of the yellow goldfinches was sitting on the trellis right out my bedroom window. I was able to go get the camera, but as I was focusing he flew away.
• Many mornings I head to my lift chair first to help my back get ready for the day. As I was sitting in the chair looking out the window, a hummingbird hovered right in front of the big window. To get out of the lift chair takes forever since you have to push a button to get the motor moving before you can get out. By the time I got out of the chair, grabbed the camera, and got back to the window I thought he'd be gone. He was still flying around a bit, but came back to the window again. The big ole quilt frame from yesterday was in the way, and just as soon as I moved it to get closer to the window to take the picture, he flew off. And hasn't returned yet.
• I still didn't have my picture for the day, so I decided to go outside for a while, hoping for a bird to show up, or a flower to be blooming - anything. As I was bending over replanting our watermelon and cantaloupe plants, two mallard ducks came flying low overhead. I had my camera with me, but by the time I got it ready (and got myself upright) they were gone.
• And just now, as I sat here typing my blog, a bird in the tree outside the window with a big worm hanging from it's mouth. Geez, why don't I just leave my camera on all the time?

What are the odds of all of these missed opportunities happening within the same day of each other? And what are the chances it's going to happen again? Pretty slim on both counts.

My picture search for the day is not yet over, but at this late hour the chances are also pretty slim of getting a good picture, especially with me feeling as crappy as I feel.

How about a picture I took yesterday at the end of the day as the storms finished up? It's worth posting, even if it's a day late.

Day 86 of 365

Today was a very rainy day and I got frustrated.

Not by the rain, but by what I decided to to do inside to fill my time.

A darn quilt that's been giving me trouble since the beginning. I should know by now that if I'm cursing at something, it can't be good.

And this one isn't good. It all started back on Day 38. Way back then I spent some frustrating time getting a quilt into the floor frame. Was looking forward to the refreshing change from machine quilting. I had big plans to spend several days a week looking out the front window while I sat working on the quilt.

Except here it is, 48 days later and I haven't done much more than a foot by foot square on it.

So today I decided to work on it. But as I sat there thinking about how long it would take me to finish it and how long it's already been taking up space in my living room, I changed my mind. I decided to machine quilt it instead. It was already on the frame, so I pin basted it. Except when I got it off the frame, it was all bunched up. All 100 or so safety pins came right back out. Spread it out on the table, repinned it, then started to sew. But even with my walking foot, there was some bunching happened.

I also have a frame that I can use with my plain Jane sewing machine. So I unpinned the quilt again to roll it onto the rails of the other frame. The other too-small frame.

Fold over part of the quilt to fit on the frame, roll it, and it starts rolling crooked. Again. And again, and again.

This quilt has been an enemy to me for almost two months now. I originally was quite fond of it, but have now come to not like it so much. So I decided to take out the stitches, keep the batting and backing, and give away the quilt top. I'm sure there is someone out there who can love it in a way I can't.

Any takers?

It's a quilt top only (no batting, no backing), approximately 61"x67". I hope it can find a loving home. Just leave me a comment here (be sure to leave a screen name or something). Or, use the "Contact Me" button at the very bottom of the page. If more than one person is interested, I'll draw a name.

Check back Monday to see if I'll be mailing it your way.

We have a winner! Congrats to Cheryl, who wrote:
You have made a very beautiful quilt. For sure to wrap around someone in love while they see stars in there eyes keeping warm. I'm am putting quilts together for my daughters "Childrens's Heart Disease Foundation. There will be a auction this June. I would so love to add this in the auction and include your name on the back. thank you for allowing me to share and be a part of your drawing, most of all thank you for sharing something you at one time so loved. 

Exercise update: 40 days in a row! Since I ride the exercise bike everyday, I'm going to switch from a daily report to a weekly miles rode report. Look for an update next Friday!

Day 85 of 365

I'm not really into birds all that much. I have a bird book that we use to look up the birds we see here at the house, but we don't ever go birdwatching.

Since we live by the river, we have ducks and geese we see around ever so often. There are some quail in our neighborhood, a hummingbird that has nested in our tree a couple times, the pretty goldfinches that eat at our sunflowers in the fall (and were oh-so-friendly this week), the robins we see every day, and the occasional woodpecker.

But the most pain in the rear birds we have around are the blackbirds. They've capitalized on the holes the woodpeckers have made in the shed. We cover up the holes, but the persistent blackbirds hurl themselves against the covered holes and punch their way through again. They've nested under the eaves in the shed. We cover the hole, they peck and push again and again until they get the hole big enough to squeeze through.

We probably don't have as much patience for them because they're not as pretty as other birds. I'm not sure we'd complain if we found pretty blue robin eggs in the shed. Or if the goldfinches had nested.

But when I've had just about enough of the blackbirds, one of them goes and does this. Sitting still, singing away, just begging me to take his picture as he (or she) is perching on my not yet blooming rosebushes.

Maybe I shouldn't be so harsh to judge. It had better stay away from my shed, though.

Exercise update: 39 for 39.

Day 84 of 365

After being in a funk for most of the day yesterday, today became a let's get all this crap done day.

Between the high school kid we hired, my husband who is home every day now, and me, we have moved along nicely on the to-do list.

• Cut out winter damage in roses.
• Clip back tulips and other spring bulbs.
• Dig grass out of all gardens.
• Cut up broken branch from last week's windstorm.
• Replant herbs (except parsley and oregano).
• Cut landscape timbers to fit around new climbing roses.
• Bring out patio table.
• Put new bench together.
• Plant morning glory.
• Cut branches back from roof.
• Pinch off peony side shoots.
• Empty garbage cans of dirt/weeds.
• Cover woodpecker hole in shed.
• Weed strawberry bed.
• Pinch off blooms from strawberries
• Build trellis for tomatoes.
• Put sealant on new bench and rocking chair.
• Finish cement edging in wildflowers.
• Remove landscape fabric/edging around tree.
• Use edging from around tree to edge vegetable garden.
• Finish terracing behind shed
• Re-stain all landscape timbers.

As we've been working on the list, I again am reminded of how much I miss being outside. Fresh air helps with grumpy attitudes.

Without being outside I wouldn't get to see that we have blossoms on the tomatoes and pumpkins.

I would also have missed my clematis blooming.

Exercise update: 38 for 38.

Day 83 of 365

I had a doctor's appointment today and left there in a funk.

I got weighed. I usually decline having myself weighed but was excited today to see how much I lost. I've been exercising faithfully for 37 days in a row. I've been watching what I eat. We cut out sugar a while back, I'm eating salads (only 4 days so far, but jeez), and I've been cutting down my portions. But when I stepped on the scale, I was shocked. I have gained weight. So as I sat waiting for the ever-so-late doctor to show up I was alone with my thoughts. My frustrated, angry, and downright upsetting thoughts.

Then, based on the medications I'm taking, my weight gain, and some other symptoms, the doctor decided to run some tests. Seven different tubes of blood. Not two, three, or five. Seven. I almost got out my camera and took a picture right then and there, but decided there had to be something better in my day than that.

And because of my ten years on anti-inflammatories that are tough on the stomach, the almost two years spent on pain pills and Methotrexate, and some bad stomach issues I've been having, a referral to a gastroenterologist for treatment of a possible ulcer or hiatal hernia.

When I left there for the hour long drive home, I wasn't a happy camper. I had to stop at the grocery store and drug store and was still a grump.

When I got home I read up on how to give myself the new prescription I picked up. (The new Methotrexate injections.) After that I was even grumpier.

So I sat down here to write. Without a taking a picture yet.

As usual, I looked at the tree out the window. My goldfinch from Day 81 was back. But he wasn't alone. On a nearby branch sat another goldfinch. A goldfinch that kept inching closer and closer to my buddy.

I couldn't help but smile at what happened next.

Day 82 of 365

I set a personal best last night. A record of something I've never done before.

It's not that I've taken a picture and written about it every day for 82 days. It's not that I've exercised for 36 straight days. (Even though those are also personal bests.)

It was that I had a salad for two days in a row.

My husband loves vegetables. I don't. To say I hate them would be more accurate. Can't stand salad. Can't stand radishes, broccoli, cabbage, kohlrabi, peas, carrots, spinach, arugula, kale - all of which we planted this year. Tomatoes? Only if they're in salsa. Cucumbers? Only when they are pickles.

The fact that I handpicked the spinach, arugula, and radishes from the garden isn't a big deal. Making a salad from them was no big deal. But the fact that I actually ate some of that salad these last two days is a very big deal. It is quite comical to watch me eat it, though. I can't eat it plain, but I don't like salad dressing. So I mix it into something else we're having. Take a bite of potato and pile the salad on it. Anything to get it down. And down it went two nights in a row.

There are a couple vegetables I wouldn't mind eating so much. Of course they are starchy vegetables that aren't as healthy as the others. At least I'll be able to eat potatoes and corn without grimacing.

Come on corn, grow!

Day 81 of 365

It appears there are more and more times where I find that I don't notice something because it's just been there too long.

It's become part of the landscape, part of the furniture, part of the decor. It's there all the time so it's not noticeable anymore.

Like one of the puzzles I got for Christmas. I haven't opened the box and don't even know what the picture is (although I think there's yellow/orange and green in it). Yet, it's been sitting on the table with my sewing machine since December. Next to the sewing machine I've been using most days for the last couple months. The puzzle box has been in my way the entire time. Sometimes I move it to the left, sometimes I move it to the back. But for some reason, I keep forgetting it's there. Keep forgetting to actually pick it up and put it away. Or even pick it up and see what the picture is. The only reason I finally realized it was there (and didn't belong there) was because I was cleaning up the sewing room and had to dust it. (And believe me, after five months it was quite dusty.)

And like the quilt I have in the living room. The one in the huge frame. Even though I see it there every single day, it's like it doesn't register. I haven't done much more on it. Even yesterday when I was writing on my blog about being done quilting, I forgot all about it. So technically, I'm not done with quilts. I don't know how I missed that big thing in the middle of my living room.

And yesterday's radishes, too. First thing planted, first thing harvested? Nope. How did I forget that we've been eating off the arugula these last few weeks? Spinach? Yep, had that for dinner last night with the arugula and radishes. But I thought radishes were the only thing we'd planted that we'd been eating.

Finally I did catch something before it became too familiar. Every day when I'm typing away here, I look out the window. I might look at the lawn, the rose garden, or the tree right out the window. In one of my glances a couple days back I noticed a tree limb that had busted in the latest windstorm. Which then lead my mind to wander about how we're going to get it out since it's so high up in the tree, we don't have a ladder tall enough, don't want to have the high school kid climb the tree (liability issues), and how my daughter will probably have to climb it or we'll just have to leave the dead branch up there. So every day I glance up there to see if the leaves have completely died yet and how bad it would look to just leave it.

But something yellow was sitting on a branch up there. Something new, not part of the landscape, not expected. So I snapped a picture through our double paned (and somewhat dirty) windows.

Exercise update: 35 for 35.