Monday, October 29, 2012

Day 607

I've purposely kept the following information out of the blog, but it's time to open up about it.

It started with an uneasy feeling and progressed into an on-edge feeling. It has continued with additional symptoms. The inability to get to sleep or stay asleep. Excessive worry. Stomach aches. Sweating. Pounding heart. Uncontrolled eating.

Turmoil, like a knot in the pit of my stomach, or in my chest or in my head. So much so I'm about ready to burst. Or maybe yell. Or maybe throw something. Or maybe cry hysterically. Like I'm going crazy.

After searching the internet for the symptoms, I'm self diagnosing myself. Anxiety disorder.

For quite some time I had been the relaxed live one-day-at-a-time person. But that changed a few weeks back. I think balancing caregiver with worker and wage earner with bill payer with housekeeper with sewing-for-charity lady with gardener with rheumatoid arthritis sufferer with _________ (fill in the blank) has gotten the best of me.

I've been trying really hard to avoid other people for fear of having an outburst. I haven't had one yet but I'm on the verge of losing it. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday so I gotta hang in there just another couple days.

The worst part has been just that - the fear of losing it. Also the uncontrolled eating - that's not the greatest either. The only way I've been able to cope is to hide. Hide in the sewing room and try and keep as busy as I can.

The first version of this next quilt top was a little off. I contemplated taking all the borders off but decided against it. The second version looks a little bit better with the addition of some appliques on the corner. Sure hope the little gal likes purple.