Friday, September 20, 2013

Day 933

I define myself by my work. As I sit in the chair during my infusion I know determining my value by my quality of work is not a good quality to hold onto. When I see and hear those people in the same boat as me, with the same illness, who sit alongside me, it becomes abundantly clear that my future isn't so bright. Most folks no longer hold down jobs, having long ago given into the illness and live life on disability.

But from what I've seen it's not really living. It's surviving. And I don't want to just survive. I want to live and in my book living equals work. (And play, of course!) But it worries me. If I don't have work to define myself by, what do I define myself by? I'm afraid I'll wind up substituting charity work to determine my value. Actually I think I already do that. Who else is crazy enough to sew 400 Christmas stockings for soldiers? Why not 20?

Nope, my flawed character says I've gotta do it big. And thanks to one of the folks in my school district for a big fabric donation that'll help me get closer to 400. Of course the overachiever in me decided I had to stack it two different ways and still couldn't decide which way I liked best.