Day 19 of 365

My newly planted strawberries are getting the spring rains they were hoping for. Today is just a cloudy, cool, drizzly kind of day. One of those days you don't want to go outside. One of those days when you just want to sit somewhere warm with a nice fuzzy blanket and a good book. Or one of those days when you want to do some baking.

Blueberry muffins have been one of our favorite morning treats for Christmas. Part of our Christmas tradition is that we always have muffins and juice for Christmas morning breakfast. We usually have three or four different types of muffins. Some years it's poppy seed or lemon or apple or bran or banana muffins, but blueberry muffins are always in the mix.  I used to buy them from the store's bakery but was always dissatisfied with their texture and flavor. Then I went to boxed mixes in order to try and find the best. One year we even went so far as to buy every flavor of every brand and did a "taste test" before Christmas so we could choose just the right muffin.

Skip ahead 20 years and I finally got it figured out. Homemade all the way! Make up batches a couple days before Christmas, freeze them, and warm them Christmas morning. A while back I found a perfect - absolutely perfect, to-die-for blueberry muffin recipe and now there's no looking back. I found it on allrecipes.com and it's called, "To Die For Blueberry Muffins". I follow the recipe exactly except I use frozen blueberries instead of fresh.

So on days like today when it's cool and raining and I feel like keeping warm, I turn to baking muffins and breads. Today blueberry muffins sounded like a good choice, so I mixed some up. I couldn't wait for them to cool all the way - I had to dig right in!

Day 18 of 365

I was watching Guy Fieri on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on the Food Network late last night. He was visiting a place in Baltimore, Maryland that made Coney Island dogs with homemade Coney Island sauce. Now, I've been to New York, and even New York City, but never to Coney Island. But watching that episode made me want Coney Island dogs. AKA chili dogs for us Westerners.

I'm not a big hot dog fan. If we do have hot dogs, they have to be all beef and grilled until they're charred. (Must be remembrances of camping long ago.) These Coney dogs on TV were not grilled, not charred, but smothered in sauce and onions and mustard. Yum? Yep, yum.

So after today's NASCAR race (my chosen car won!), I attempted to make Coney Island dogs. I looked up several recipes online, but couldn't find any 5 star ones. I did find a few that had some ingredients in common - ground beef, chili powder, Worcestershire sauce, chopped onions, tomato paste/sauce, celery salt. I decided to make my own concoction using those ingredients. Being that I'm typically one who always follows the exact measurements in a recipe, I was heading into uncharted territory. I threw in a bit of this, a bit of that, a lot of that, and?

Less than half an hour later we had yummy Coney Island dogs.

Day 17 of 365

Didn't have to dig in the dirt, didn't have to bend over, didn't have to go out in the cold wind or get pounded by graupel. (Graupel is like snow hail. It's not hard like hail, but is more like a snow pellet consistency.) I got to sit in my warm sewing room with the TV in the background and sew away. A perfect day.

Pillowcases for Quilts of Valor was my day's project.

The pillow cases for Quilts of Valor are for wounded soldiers. The cases are used to hold the soldiers quilt and are often used to transport medical and personal items as they are transferred to another hospital or home. I came across someone on quiltingboard. com that is collecting them so I decided to make some. I used the "sausage" pillowcase method that I watched here on YouTube. They go together quite fast and are easy to make. Doesn't take a lot of brainpower, just foot power!

I'll send them out on Monday and figure out a new project for tomorrow.

Day 16 of 365

"The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here!" says an excited Steve Martin in the movie The Jerk. If you haven't seen that scene before, it can be found on YouTube here.

I wanted to jump for joy today while saying, "The new strawberries are here, the new strawberries are here!", but I didn't (jump that is.) And we finally had a break in the weather today. It's looking like it might rain again this afternoon, but I (we) were able to get some planting done ahead of the storm.

Thank goodness for husbands sometimes! Even though he dug all the holes and helped me plant fifty (that's 50) strawberry plants, I sit here at the computer now barely able to move. My back is shot. I took loads of breaks, made sure I was careful while leaning over the strawberry beds, but it appears it still was not enough.

But in a few months I should be able to eat my favorite fruit. Delicious, sweet, bursting with flavor strawberries. As for now, it looks like a bed of dirt. But my back can attest that there are 50 bareroot strawberry plants waiting for the spring rain.

Day 15 of 365

From a commercial that plays multiple times a day:

 "With rheumatoid arthritis, it seems like your life is split in two. There’s the life you live and the life you want to live."

I agree with that.   

"Fortunately there's Enbrel.  
Enbrel can help relieve pain, stiffness, fatigue, and stop joint damage."

Sign me up! 

"Because Enbrel suppresses your immune system, it may lower your ability to fight infections. Serious, sometimes fatal events including infections, tuberculosis, lymphoma, and other cancers, and nervous system and blood disorders have occurred."

Just how desperate am I?

Pretty darn desperate. I had an appointment with the rheumatologist today. We are definitely starting this new injectable medicine - today. Blood work numbers were higher than they've ever been. My pain, swelling, and stiffness is keeping me from being functional. (Barely functional is where I'm at.) I post my pics every day, but usually what is seen in the picture is one of the only things I am able to accomplish for the day. I have more bad days than good right now, but I am really trying to keep positive and move forward. But some days it's just so darn hard!

So the first injection? In my right thigh. Did it hurt? It did sting. It takes 15 seconds for all of the medicine to inject, so that's a downside. The upside is that I may see relieve within two weeks.

And what does that $500+ single shot look like?

Day 14 of 365

Dick and Jane and my new camera are life long buddies.

My  new camera, my pretty blue new camera, needed a bag. A small bag. Something I could fit in my small purse. Being that I'm doing a picture every day for a year, I figure I can't take all my pictures of things around the house so I need to travel with my camera always. The other day in the mail I got what I thought was a free camera bag, but it wound up being some kit that can protect your camera in the water. I typically don't take my camera in the water with me, so it wasn't going to work.

I posted a few days back about having collected Dick and Jane fabrics and that I was trying to figure out what to do with them. On the quilting board that I visit it was suggested I do a bow tuck bag (something I'd never heard of but was very nice looking) or an apron or a quilt. I may still do any or all of those, but I came up with something that I needed (not just wanted) and am happy with how it turned out.

I originally made the bag out of some vibrant fabric I had, but then decided I should use my Dick and Jane fabric. I made a second bag and altered the pattern I had found on the internet a bit so that it provided a little more padding. Don't want to injure my pretty new blue camera!

Day 13 of 365

Today is an anniversary of sorts.

One year ago today I had my knee replacement. One year ago, I had bones cut, my kneecap removed, and metal and cement put in its place. Because of my young age (44), the doctor had been trying to put it off as long as possible, even though it had gotten so bad I was having to use a cane. Younger folks have a tendency to be more active and wear replacements out earlier, making them more likely to have a subsequent replacement. So in younger patients they often try and put the surgery off and then use a more conservative procedure where not as much cement is used. That was the plan for me. However, once the doctor got into the surgery, the extend of damage required him to take the approached used on older folks and use lots of cement.

So now I might have 10 years - maybe 15 if I'm lucky - on this new knee before going through this again.

But that's not what I'm thinking about today. What I'm thinking about was the hope I had going into the surgery last year. The hope that the excruciating pain I had before surgery would go away. (It did.) The hope that I'd be able to walk without a cane again. (I can.) That I'd be able to get up and down as I worked in the garden. (I still can't.) But the pain is better. Much better.

Heading into that surgery, I was hoping for a better life. I would never have expected that the knee surgery wouldn't be my only surgery of the year. That two shoulder surgeries would still follow. And that a year later, I'd still be doing physical therapy (although it's shoulder PT).

And here and now, today on this anniversary day, I am still hoping for that better life.

But I know that hoping isn't going to get me there. I have a new knee and two new shoulders, but becoming the bionic woman isn't necessarily going to give me that better life. Worrying about what I cannot do won't get me there either. Focusing on what I can do? It might get me closer. What I can do is write. And document. And spend my days doing for others. And show that I have lived through the picture I take each day.

So I gave myself an anniversary present today. I purchased a new camera.

These last two weeks of pictures have been taken on an old, old, digital camera. One of the first digital cameras to come out, I'm sure. So now to prove to myself I am committed to this new life, this writing, this documentation, this doing for others, I am putting my money where my mouth is. It's a pretty blue Panasonic Lumix. Has a great zoom, video capabilities, and more that I have yet to discover.

Day 12 of 365

Today was a good news, bad news kind of day.

Good news at physical therapy. I'm progressing so well I don't have to go out to PT anymore.
Bad news - I have to do physical therapy at home.

Good news at work. I went in today and everyone was happy to see me.
Bad news - because of the supplemental levy not passing and the legislative funding, some teachers may be out of a job next year. Me included.

Good news at the doctor. No more surgeries for a little while.
Bad news - if I can't put both arms behind my back in six weeks I have to go back. (Frozen shoulder.)

Good news in the mail. Got a free camera case.
Bad news - bills came too.

The best news? That I can walk, I can talk, and I can drive. I'm an independent, living, breathing, person who is working on becoming a more appreciative, grateful person. A person who, after a long 18 months in a pain-induced, drug-induced stupor, is climbing out of the hole. Is fighting her way to the top.

And who finds joy in making and decorating cookies to share with others. Today's beneficiaries of my cookies were the physical therapist office and work. Sharing my work with others is a step in the right direction.

Day 11 of 365

Other than being in labor for 26 hours and winding up having an emergency c-section, my first pregnancy was uneventful.

That was until the nurse came in a few hours after our daughter was born and told me she was having seizures. Lots of seizures. Seizures they couldn't get under control. Seizures they couldn't handle at that hospital. Within 36 hours of my daughter being born, she was in an incubator, hooked up to tubes and lines, and in an ambulance on her way to another hospital, in another city, to a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. And there I was, still lying in a hospital bed, unable to follow because I had a c-section.

She spent 10 days in intensive care. Most of it was in a drug induced coma. To stop her seizures she was given enough phenobarbital to keep her from waking up. Enough phenobarbital to keep her brain still as they searched for answers to the cause - was it an infection or brain injury? They were preparing us for the worst (severe brain damage) but helping us find the positives (she opened her eyes and nursed on day 8).

Day 10 she was sent home with a prescription of phenobarbital. They had given her such large doses to keep her in a coma she was now addicted. It took several months to wean her off.

We kept looking for those positives. Could she make sound? Yep. Could she crawl? Yep. Could she walk? Talk? Yep. Yep. Doctors were surprised at her progress. While they never found out why she had so many seizures, they were pretty confident she was going to have some type of brain damage from them. When it became obvious that she was "good to go", the pediatric neurologist shared that in cases like hers only 1 in 100 babies turns out "normal".

Our miracle baby. Now she's on her own, has a job, an apartment, and calls home every day. She comes home every few weeks and helps us out around the house with odd jobs. Is sometimes a pain in the behind, but mostly not.

Which brings me to today's picture. A couple in California had a premature baby that did not make it. Calling All Angels is a service project where they are giving back in memory of their child by donating blankets to a NICU for premature babies.

In memory of those parents around me in the NICU so many years ago, those parents who had children who did not survive, I am donating a quilt. A little girl quilt. I've been working on it for a week or so, and it's now ready to go.

Day 10 of 365

I grew up with Dick and Jane. And Sally, and Mother and Father, and Spot, and ...

I was one of those "advanced" students. Teachers didn't know what to do with me. I'd finish my work, then they'd give me more work. Harder work. I was considered a self-starter, independent. So most of my time in elementary school was spent working on worksheet after worksheet and workbook after workbook. Boring, and sometimes just a little too hard. But when I got to read Dick and Jane it was easy. I could read the same words about the same characters again and again and it was comforting, relaxing. 
 
When I started teaching 17 years ago, I never thought about Dick and Jane. Schools had moved on to other things, and those who grew up with Dick and Jane rarely talked about it because they were too busy teaching.

But now that I'm out of the school system, I've thought about Dick and Jane again. Maybe it's nostalgia, maybe it's looking back over my career and the changes that have been made in the way reading is taught. Maybe it's questioning the system. Or maybe I just have more time to think than I used to.

While perusing the sewing and fabric section of ebay a few months back, I came across Dick and Jane fabric. I didn't even know it existed! However, it was a bit expensive for my tastes. Since then I've been keeping an eye out for it. I've been buying some here and there - only if I can get a good deal on it. And today, my latest shipment arrived.

I pulled out my other pieces, and it looks as if I have enough for a quilt. Or a tote bag. Or even both. Oh, the possibilities!

I'm glad Dick and Jane are back in my life.

Day 9 of 365

It all started with the cat.

Kitty. Putty. Sissy. Depends on who is calling her.

Every year, my daughter asks for a new calendar for Christmas. She used to want Harry Potter, but for the last few years it has been a cat calendar. Now that she's living on her own in a different town and we have Kitty-Putty-Sissy staying here with us, we decided to create a calendar of her cat. A different picture of the cat every month with some cute caption.

The month of November I spent going through our pictures of the cat and finding ones that would match up for different times of the year. Her in the leaf pile in the fall, in the rose garden in the spring. I decided for December the cat should be under the Christmas tree. I waited until we put up the tree, took a quick picture of the cat under it (no presents under the tree yet), and took my film to a one hour photo.

When I picked up the pictures an hour later, much to my surprise the picture showed the cat under the tree with presents around her. Wait - are those our presents from last year? Yep. We have gone the entire year without needing to get film developed. An entire year of less than 24 pictures worth taking. What the heck happened?

Now, we're a family that traveled a lot when I was working. Been to all 50 states, cruised to Hawaii twice, cruised to Alaska three times. Sun Valley every year. Arizona for Spring Training. Las Vegas or Florida or Texas for Christmas. And during all those vacations, took lots and lots and lots - thousands - of pictures. Some days I would go through an entire roll of film. We have dozens of scrapbooks filled with pictures of the beautiful places we've been.

Except now that we're home, not traveling, we have nothing? Nothing to note, nothing worth capturing?

And that's what got me started thinking about this picture a day thing. A take-a-picture-every-day-to-see-that-you-have-lived kind of thing. I cannot and will not believe that my/our everyday life is not as important or noteworthy as any place we've visited. In our vacationing life, we have taken pictures of race cars, of baseball stadiums, of signs in gas station windows. And we must now have pictures of our real, non-vacation life. Daily pictures that might help me find the good in the day, that might help lead me back into the land of the living instead of the land of the existing. Thus began the documenting of my days.

And how's Kitty-Putty-Sissy doing? Today, she's hiding her eyes from the sun and sleeping away. 

Day 8 of 365

So today I realized I do have to risk getting TB or lymphoma and start taking these crazy-expensive medications.

Yesterday, I had gone grocery shopping, to the drug store, Staples, physical therapy, and got a haircut. I kind of knew that was too much to cram into one day, but I did it. Today I attempted to do some work in the garden. We decided to plant strawberries this year, and since they've already been shipped, I needed to hustle to get the ground prepped. We're putting them in a terraced bed that we've used before for planting, so there isn't all that much to do to get the ground ready. Had to dig up some chives and a couple of peony roots, then had to take out some extra soil that overflowing into the lower terrace. I didn't quite get to do all that needed to be done. I dug a couple of the chives, tilled the soil a bit with the hoe, but that's about it. Thank goodness my daughter was here today - she had to do the rest. I probably spent a total of 15 minutes work; she spent at least 3 hours. My body just gave out.

Bending over picking up the chives hurt the back, raking hurt the shoulders, sitting down to take a break hurt the knees. Now tonight  I'm so close to popping myself a pain pill, but since it wasn't in my plans, I won't.

It is frustrating. Frustrating that my body has worn out. Frustrating that pain infuses each and every day. Frustrating that my life is not the same life I've known. But my mind is clear. And some days that's all I have.

In frustration, I headed into my sewing room, my haven of quiet, for an hour. I've been putting together some Concentration/Memory games made out of fabric. Today I finished up the ocean/beach themed ones, and made a little cloth carrying bag for it. I may put them on Etsy later, but for now, here's what it looks like:

Day 7 of 365

Finally got my car back today so I could make a run to the grocery store, the drug store, Staples, and of course, physical therapy.

The rheumatologist is starting me on some new injectable medication since my Methotrexate isn't doing the trick. I have to give myself shots weekly of this medication. Unfortunately, a couple of the possible side effects aren't pretty. I could get TB or lymphoma. In fact, I had to have a TB test and chest XRAY before being prescribed the medication.

I'm not thrilled about taking this new medication, but I'm getting in the desperate phase. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis a little over a year ago. I knew I had a more general type of inflammatory arthritis several years back and was taking medication for that. However, with this newer diagnosis came more aggressive treatments. I've had blood work monthly, testing my inflammation level (among other things) and my numbers have always been high no matter what medication I've been taking. As the symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis have increased over the last few months - the stiffness, the pain, the swelling of the joints - it's become clear we do need to take a different course of action.

In prepping to take it, the rheumatologist's office gave me information about getting some help with prescription costs because it's a pricey medicine. 

I picked up this new medication at the drug store today. Thank goodness I qualified for the prescription assistance. For one month of this medication it cost $2057.09. One month. Four shots. Can cause TB or lymphoma. Over $2000. I'm in shock. Such shock I don't even know what to say about that right now.

On a happier note, I also made a trip to Staples for some rebate items. I spent $38.12 on two packs of 500 sheet copy paper, one pack of 500 sheet bright colored paper, and two packs of pull and seal 100 count envelopes:

Total cost was $38.12. I can submit easy rebates for all five items. After rebate the copy paper is $1 per pack, the bright colored paper is $3 per pack, and the envelopes are free. $5 (plus tax) for $38.12 worth of supplies. Not bad.

And a better deal than injectable arthritis medicine.

Day 6 of 365

I have a TV in my sewing room and sometimes it's on and sometimes it's not. I think I'm watching too much TV right now, though. Entertainment news channels, CNN, and even NBC, CBS, and ABC have been running all this about Charlie Sheen right now. And then all the comics reaction to his rantings and ravings. And then the other comics doing impersonations of his rantings and ravings. When does it stop? Yes, I could turn the channel, but then I wind up seeing it on some other channel. Or, running into one of the Real Housewives shows. Is there anything left to watch?

Marcus Welby at 9 AM everyday - I am there. I just started watching Glee a few weeks ago. But my absolute favorite is The Office. Funniest show I've ever seen. (But I also said that about "Whose Line is it Anyway?" when it was on.) I began watching The Office when I was recovering from knee replacement surgery last year, but thanks to reruns (and now my own personal collection of every season) I'm all caught up. I heard today that they just wrapped filming on Steve Carrell's final episode. I'm interested in seeing where the show goes without him.

Even though I complain about TV, I really don't pay all that much attention to it - it's usually just noise in the background. Today I started working on a quilt to send to "Calling All Angels", a very sad but inspiring story. They need the quilts by the end of March, so I'm going to have to give up the Charlie Sheen story and get myself moving. I accomplished quite a bit today on the girl's quilt. I have the individual blocks together, but now need to put the rows together and go from there.

Day 5 of 365

I think I just got a free pass today.

I've been watching Nascar these last three weeks, and they keep talking about this "free pass" thing. As far as I can tell, it happens during a caution flag, and has something to do with pit road (or not). Ok, so I don't have a clue what it is, but when they talk about it, they make it sound like a good thing.

My free pass today? Well, I have no car until Wednesday so am at home with nowhere to go. Thought about maybe taking a walk (I really have to psych myself up to do that and conditions have to be perfect - no rain, no wind, not too cold). Even thought about walking to the post office to take my flag quilt top and coupons (see days 3 and 4). But I get up this morning and here's what I see. 

Here it is March, and my tulips are coming up, and we've got snow. And it seems to be to be a sign that I don't need to walk to the post office. Instead I stuck a ton of stamps on my envelopes and walked them across the street to mail them in our mailbox in the very slushy, wet, heavy snow. And it's still snowing.

So today will be spent in the house. No one is home, the cat is asleep, no tv, no radio, and it's very quiet outside. Looks like I have a free pass to read, to sew, to do whatever I want.

Monday's a good day for a free pass.

Day 4 of 365

After having hubby back home after him being away the last couple days, I realize how much less I get done when he's around. And how much less sleep I get (his snoring). I did get some biscuits made for breakfast, clipped the coupons from the Sunday paper, and watched NASCAR with him.

My biggest project of the day was going through my coupon binder and finding all the expired coupons I had. With me living with my daughter for several weeks while I recovered from shoulder surgery I didn't need to grocery shop. Hubby stayed here at home and mostly lived off our stockpile, so boy, did I have a pile of expired coupons.

I usually can't bring myself to toss them (although I admit I sometimes do). Today I divided them into food and non-food piles, bagged them, and have them ready to go out the door tomorrow to the Krazy Coupon Lady's Overseas Coupon Program in Boise. From there they go overseas to military families, where they are allowed to use the expired coupons in the commissary and PX/BX.

Day 3 of 365

Finally got a good night's sleep last night.

After a couple mornings up at 5 am, it was nice to be able to sleep in a bit. I've started trying to get myself into a routine upon waking up and it seems to be helping my back get moving a little better in the mornings. I go straight from bed to the lift chair.

Yeah, I'm young for a lift chair, but when I had my first rotator cuff repair back in July, it was where I slept. And with my knees and back the way they were/are, having the chair help me out was a good thing. It's not all that comfortable, is very noisy, and appears to be on its last legs. But for me in the mornings right now it works just fine. Being able to sit, then have the chair slowly move my legs up and tip me back - wow. I can feel it working on the back. I get the chair to recline me back as far as it will go (which isn't far), and sit there for a while. It hurts - bad - for about five minutes, but then after that the pain subsides. By about 20 minutes, I'm ready to get up and get some breakfast. Unfortunately, it doesn't help my hands, or shoulders, or knees, but having some relieve on the back is greatly appreciated. Of all the things going on, the back is the hardest to deal with when it hurts so much. So any relief I can get I'll take, even if it's just for a few minutes in the morning.

I did spend quite a bit of time in the sewing room today, working on folding and refolding fabric. I could see where it could be considered physical therapy for a shoulder. Arms up, down, over, across. The shoulders got a workout.

But there's something about fabric for me. I love the colors and patterns. I can't get enough. And I love to make things with fabric. But I think I spend more time organizing and reorganizing it more than anything. And I spend so much time starting projects before my last ones are finished.

However, I have one project getting ready to go out the door. I made a flag quilt top and haven't done anything with it. Haven't quilted it, haven't even picked out a backing. But when I was visiting quiltingboard.com, I came across a lady whose daughter will be returning from Afghanistan in September with eight others. The mom was wanting patriotic quilt blocks so that she could present a quilt to each returning soldier. So instead of a quilt block, I'm sending my entire quilt top. It's heading into the mail on Monday, and I feel good about being of service to others.

Day 2 of 365

Back again for Day 2 of my year-long picture-a-day project. Woo hooo! (Said with enthusiasm like Vicki from Real Housewives of Orange County.)

I do watch those Housewives shows on Bravo. And being on leave of absence from my 17 year long career, I now (temporarily?) consider myself a housewife, staying home taking care of things. But watching those shows makes me wonder what a housewife really is nowadays. Off the top of my head I can't think of any of the women on those shows who stay home and take care of the kids. They have a clothing or jewelry line, or are working on a book, or trying out a singing career. And not many of them are "wives". They're single or divorced, and some have had no kids or spouse ever. But, boy, do they bring the drama. How does that make you a housewife? I thought a benefit of being a housewife was the lack of drama - unless you count leaky faucets (which I dealt with this week) or sick kids.

As part of my housewife-ly activities today, I made M & M cookies. I was at Walgreens earlier this week and picked up a bag of M & Ms on sale with the intent of making them for hubby to take, but he opted for us to keep them at home. I don't know that in all our years together (that's 27ish years) I've ever made M & M cookies. Guess that housewife in me just couldn't resist this week! They're mighty yummy. I found the recipe here.

And my multiple pincushions from yesterday? I decided to put them on my new Etsy page.

Day 1 of 365

So the last 18 months have been rough.

First there was a back injury that make it difficult to do most daily activities. Then came the Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis. Total knee replacement surgery was next. Then, a root canal gone bad requiring gum surgery. Took a year's leave of absence from work to help expedite my healing. Broken finger. Torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder and subsequent surgery. Followed by torn rotator cuff in my left shoulder and subsequent surgery. I've spent 17 of the last 18 months (including this month) in physical therapy and have taken more pain medicine than a person should. Back issues still plague me, my knee doesn't bend completely, I still can't raise both arms above my head, and the chemotherapy medication I'm taking for the rheumatoid arthritis isn't improving my condition.

And I'm 45 years old.

Despite the fact that I have more bad days than good and my body is failing me, I am thankful.

I'm thankful for my family. For my husband who is now the breadwinner for the family. For my daughter who let me come live with her for my last surgical recovery. For the cat that climbs up on me when I'm not feeling so great. For the roof over my head. For the view of the river I have from my living room window. For being able to, on some days, do something that will benefit others. Collecting coupons to send to military families. Blankets for babies in the hospital. Cookies for my physical therapists.

But over these last 18 months I haven't felt so thankful. Out of work, in pain, struggling to get through each day.

But today that is going to change.

For the next year, I have a goal. A picture goal. A take-a-picture-every-day-to-see-that-you-have-lived kind of goal.

Every day, I will take a picture of something I did, created, saw that was interesting (or even boring), somewhere I went, or anything else I decide to capture at the time.

I don't know where this will lead me, but hope it will lead me back into the land of the living instead of the land of the existing.

My first picture? Some pincushions I've been working on these last couple days. I made eight, (what can I possibly do with eight?) but these four are my favorite.