Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Day 756

I have a dreaded phone call to make. I've been putting it off all day, even putting it off until tomorrow morning, all because I'm hoping for a miraculous recovery.

It started with difficulty getting up out of bed. A having-to-hang-onto-the-walls kind of difficulty. Then there was the feeling of shaking on the inside. Then hands not able to grasp things. One full day of dropping everything I picked up. The culmination of all those symptoms didn't necessitate a call to the doctor, but yesterday's trip to the vet's office did.

Me, the driver. Me, the person who got carsick. (Who gets carsick when they're driving?) That's when I knew something was up. Add in the inability to focus, the hard time finding the right word, and those ceilings and walls that won't stop moving.

According to the rheumatologist I fall into the 2% of people that suffer such reactions due to the infusion medication. Like vertigo. Miserable, dizzying, nauseating, can't keep my eyes open long before getting sick vertigo. They tell me it should get better.

It better get better. That's why I haven't made that phone call yet. The one that cancels my training for my books for the blind work. Tomorrow is supposed to be my first training session. Last week's was cancelled because of the trainer and now I'm afraid I won't make this one. I can force myself through fatigue and stiffness and pain - I have lots of practice with that - but I can't force myself through nausea and dizziness.

I want to go to sleep and wake up normal. (Or at least as normal as I'll ever get.) In the meantime kitty is keeping me company.