Day 229 of 365

Guess I'm going to be sewing by myself forever.

I first thought I could get my daughter to help. While she doesn't mind helping me bake, she's made it clear that there will be no sewing for her.

Next I thought I could get my husband to help. He did some pressing for me on Day 144 and wound some bobbins for me last week when he was sick, but no sewing for him.

Then I thought I could get my mom to help. I even hinted back on Day 144  that I wanted to get her involved. And then last week on Day 225, I took over some stockings and felt I cut out for Stockings for Soldiers. I was able to get her through a couple stockings while I was there and she worked on some more after I left. But she wasn't exactly excited to be working on them. Guess no sewing partner there.

So back to myself. Me, myself and I, doing some type of sewing day after day. Sewing with a purpose. Sewing for others. I'm so excited about doing it, but I can't find anyone around me with the same excitement (or even a bit of interest).

No worries. A few hours solid hours of solo working time can equal a couple of quilt tops for Quilts for Kids.

Day 228 of 365

For some reason I'm not having much luck making zucchini bread.

I've been attempting to make more zucchini bread for a month now. I made a big bunch of loaves a while back and was planning on taking them to work to share. (I had promised a couple gals I'd bring them a loaf.) But those loaves never made it into the school building. For I had a meeting I had to attend before going to school that day. And that meeting wound up lasting all day long. Zucchini bread sitting in the very hot car all day wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. But these loaves were piled together in a bag along with my lunch. The density of the bread along with the weight of the lunch I never got to eat created smashed loaves. The loaves got carted home with me (and were bad enough I threw them away), with a promise to the gals I'd bring fresh, non-smashed loaves soon.

So a few weeks back I went to make fresh loaves. Shredded the zucchini and got the ingredients out. My flour canister was empty and no flour bags could be found anywhere. I never run out of flour or sugar. But back on Day 71 when my husband and I were talking about an anti-inflammatory diet we decided to stop buying flour and sugar. And we had gone used up what we had. So no zucchini bread.

Last week we went to the grocery store and I picked up flour so I could finally make the ladies some zucchini bread. Then we picked several zucchini from our garden yesterday. We used one in our full-of-veggies stew last night and were going to use one on the grill today. That left us many more to shred for zucchini bread today. I got them shredded, got the ingredients out and... I only had a bit of sugar in the canister and none anywhere else in the house. Just barely enough sugar for one batch of zucchini bread. But I have plenty of shredded zucchini.

Tomorrow the ladies will get their freshly made zucchini bread.

If I had more sugar, I would have made a dozen or so loaves and probably would have eaten more than my fair share. Thanks to no extra sugar in the house I kept from eating too much. And thanks to no extra sugar in the house I was able to take the time I had planned on using for zucchini bread making and baking to do some sewing instead.

Nine patch quilt blocks for my next little girl's quilt for Operation Kid Comfort.

Day 227 of 365

Change is here. It's that time.

The clothesline is down. When our trees were pruned last week the workers had to take it down, so back to the dryer we go. No more fresh smelling laundry, no more weekly shoulder workouts from hanging clothes on the line. No more using the clothespin bag I made on Day 29.

Our irrigation water is done for the year. No more fighting the sprinklers or the pump. No more watering the grass, no more stray sprinklers hitting the house. No more watering the roses or the vegetables. What's there is there, and there will be no more growth this year. We've stopped pruning the roses and we've stopped weeding.

When we wind up the year in the garden it's always a welcome relief. In the spring we're itching to get outside, but by the time October rolls around we're ready for it to be over. While we haven't had our first frost yet, the nights have been cool enough to stop things from growing much. Our tomatoes that were green on the vine a couple weeks back are still green. Our pumpkins are being picked and we're holding out hope our watermelons will have just a bit more time to ripen.

We have a bit of a window to relax before we really close the gardens down. As soon as the leaves turn colors and fall to the ground it'll take constant raking to keep them corralled. As soon as the first frost hits we'll have to clean up the vegetable garden. And as soon as we have several hard freezes, it'll be time to cut the roses back.

But right now all we have to do is wait and enjoy the nice days we do have. And enjoy those roses that are still blooming.

I may not know the name of this miniature rose of ours, but I do know it's a pretty one.

Day 226 of 365

My blog has done a lot for me.  It's made me realize I'm not alone out there.

It also has given me a place to:

• write down my thoughts.
• complain or celebrate.
• show off my skills.
• show off sewing projects.
• get encouragement from others.
• keep track of my exercise streak and mileage covered.
• document my life.

It has given me a reason to:

• take a picture every day. 
• buy a new camera (so I can take better pictures).
• get out of bed.

It has let me:

• practice my writing.
• practice getting my thoughts together after having them scattered by too many pain pills.
• do a bit of teaching (with my tutorials).
• share the stories of my life.
• prove I am committed to kids and service members (with my sewing projects).

The one regret - the one area it hasn't had an impact - is in the weight loss department. As much as I wanted it to, it really hasn't led me towards healthier living.  I have not led myself to healthier living.

But my destiny is in my hands. And it starts now. I've talked the talk now it's time to walk the walk. Tonight I enjoyed my last un-healthy meal, my favorite one I remember from childhood.

Two McDonald's cheeseburgers, fries, and apple pie.

My last supper. (Bad-for-me one, that is.)

Day 225 of 365

I'm not into astrology, but I do read my horoscope every day. I like reading the one on Yahoo because it seems to have some kind of positive affirmation for the day. In a lot of cases it just confirms that the plans I already have for the day are right on. Part of mine today read:  

Right now, it's okay to luxuriate in the comfort of the familiar. Your family offers you immense joy, and they are very receptive to listening to whatever you want to discuss.

Hmm. My plans fit perfectly.

This morning I'm headed to get ultrasounds on my hands. Since where I'm having the ultrasound isn't too far from my daughter and mom's place, I'm headed there next and am spending the day there.

My daughter is a bit stressed about me coming over because of what is expected of her. I'm bringing my camera and tripod and we're going to work on a tutorial for next Tuesday. That is, I mean she is going to work on a tutorial for next Tuesday. She's doing a cute little fall decorated cupcake. I'm looking forward to it whether she is or not. My horoscope did say my family will be receptive to listening!

I don't know how receptive my mom is going to be, though. She hasn't gotten her sewing machine out in I don't know how many years. But she's going to have to get it out today.

When I did the 80 stockings for Stockings for Soldiers on Day 222  I didn't use up all my Christmas fabric and felt. I have some left so I cut out some stockings and felt, have some straight pins stuck in the owl pincushion I made on Day 195, and have some thread and wound bobbins. It's all ready to take with me today.

It's not too hard to guess what my mom will be working on.

Let's hope my horoscope was right about my family being receptive to listening.

Day 224 of 365

Someone at work told me today they were worried about me. That my eyes don't look the same as they did when I first started back to work.

Like I've written before (way back on Day 28) my eyes always give it away. Here's what I wrote then:
After several years being sick and still working, it became exhausting having to be "on" all the time. I had to work hard at keeping up a good front. Some people knew I wasn't well and would ask about how I was doing. While I didn't want to admit how bad things had gotten, sometimes the lack of spark in my eyes gave it away. So working was double exhausting - having to work while sick and in pain, and having to keep faking happy as long as possible. It wore me out.

I might as well have written that fresh today. I'm there. Back there. Exhausted, feeling bad, and putting on a fake front. It's no wonder. Today was the perfect storm of the three part-time job hats I'm wearing. I was at work by 7:30 this morning and I finally left the building a while after 6:30 this evening. Who leaves a school building that late at night? If I had the energy, I'd raise my hand on that one. But I don't have the energy. Not right now.

I know I'm doing some things right. Things I wasn't doing months back, things that should help me through these 12ish hour days. But I'm also doings some wrong things.

I'm doing the right things by:

• continuing to write every day.
• going to work a just few days (albeit long days) a week and being home a couple days a week.
• taking the time I need in the mornings to get my body moving.
• sewing for others.
• continuing to look for my picture of the day.
• staying off of pain pills.

I'm doing the wrong thing when I neglect my health. I'm not eating well. I'm skipping meals, then eating a large meal to make up for not eating. I'm not pacing myself at work. I go and go and go until I can't go anymore. Then I come home, totally exhausted with no energy to do anything. How did I let that get out of control? What happened to paying attention to my energy and pain level and getting a hold of it before it got away from me?

And another thing - since the mornings have gotten darker and the weather has turned cooler I've stopped walking. Actually, I've stopped all exercise. I don't know how that happened, either. I was walking and also hanging out with my buddy Richard Simmons. But somehow, some way, it stopped. I didn't even make the conscious decision to stop. I wake up one day and realize I haven't exercised in a couple weeks. How does that happen? How is it that I could have been so committed to something (I had 120 days in a row earlier, doggone it!) and yet lose that commitment? Why have I let my mind get cluttered with so many other things that I've forgotten the most important thing of all - me?

I've lost my way. I've lost what I had. I've lost my focus on myself. And I don't know where to find it again. So many questions, so few answers.

Guess I'm like the colors in our burning bush. Change is slow, and I'm certainly not all there yet.

Make Canned Biscuit Sugared Donuts - Day 223 of 365, Tutorial Tuesday

I think my family is probably getting tired of me pushing them.

I feel like I have some experience with the I don't feel well enough to do anything feeling. When I see someone in the family with that feeling, I've been trying to make them do things. Not something big, but just something. I know how important it is to have a purpose when things aren't going the way you'd like. I know what it is like to get up in the morning and not want to get out of the pajamas. I also know sometimes it's mind over matter. That despite how terrible you feel, you can do at least one thing you can be proud of. One thing to prove you were here. One thing to look forward to. If you asked me at the beginning of this project if that were true, I wouldn't have believed you. Even now there are days where I'm not sure I can do it.

But I do know the power of the one thing.  For the last several months my one thing has been the picture of the day. But I think the greatest contribution I've made is the sewing for others. It's the thing that gets me out of bed, the thing I look forward to, the thing I'm most proud of.

I want others around me to experience the power of the "one thing". So yesterday, when my husband was home sick and wanting some attention and I was in the middle of piecing a kids quilt, I made him wind a box full of bobbins for me. And he was happy he was able to contribute. Happy he learned something new.

It's like the fried pies and my mom. Trying out different recipes and different doughs gave her a purpose. Something to work on, something to think about, something to look forward to. Last week I made her do the tutorial, and this week she's doing a tutorial again.

This week is donuts. Quick and easy donuts made out of canned biscuits.

Click on the video to get the directions: