Day 537

Not enough choices.

That's the complaint I've already received from my husband in regards to my cooking. He seems to think he is still a hospital patient and should be able to pick from several choices on a menu.

I thought I was doing pretty well in the choice department. In the past few days for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks he's had:

• English muffins
• Cereal
• Oatmeal
• Yogurt
• Scrambled egg
• Veggie breakfast sausage
• Toast
• A large green salad
• Chicken tacos
• A tuna salad
• Roasted chicken
• Grilled tuna fish sandwich
• Chicken fried rice
• Cantaloupe
• Cottage cheese
• Jello with fruit
• Orange sherbet
• Chocolate/strawberry/vanilla swirl ice cream cups
• Grapes
• Blueberries
• Applesauce
• Fruit cocktail
• Grape juice
• 7up
• Mio flavored water
• Crystal Light

 I'm not a short-order cook but it looks like I'm on my way. Tonight's menu special was fried rice.

Brown rice tossed with carrots, peas, celery, onions and peppers from the garden, a bit of turkey bacon, some chicken, and a scrambled egg. Having not used brown rice before there's only one thing to say. Yum.

Day 536

I've had several squirrel stories to tell on this blog. There was one squirrel who was looking at me all friendly-like through the window, the one who appeared ready to attack me like the one in the movie Christmas Vacation, and the one who planted a walnut tree in our herb garden.

This one appears ready to play hide-and-go-seek with me. Except he cheats - just look at him peeking out from behind the branch and not even completely covering his eyes.

Day 535

I don't usually do much in terms of gross, icky, I-really-didn't-want-to-see-that kinds of pictures.

Today I couldn't resist. When picking veggies from the garden I found something on my zucchini plant I didn't want to get near. Lots of somethings.

Bugs. Beetles. Hundreds of them. This picture shows just one little section of one leaf. Multiple this by 10 or so more patches on the rest of the plant and we now have an invasion.

Day 534

I shouldn't have been surprised when I heard noises in the kitchen at 2 AM.

With hubby spending the last month on a calorie controlled low sodium, low protein, low potassium diet and then being on steroids for the last few weeks, he's hungry guy. I just didn't expect him to get out of bed and get to the kitchen without me waking up. But it made me realize I was going to need to start hiding food.

Now that's he's home he still has to stick with the low sodium-protein-potassium diet. Those foods he loves - tomatoes, potatoes, kale, cantaloupe, nuts, red meats - are all on his only a tiny bit list. So the cantaloupe I cut up is hiding in the back of the refrigerator where he can't see it. I won't be keeping any kale in the fridge but instead will pick it just before I put it in my juice. Nuts will be sent to the basement (a place way off limits for him right now). No red meats are in the house. I put all the tomatoes I had in the house into a salsa knowing he wouldn't just grab it and start eating it plain. (Although the tortilla chips I do have are shoved up on top of the fridge.) And I've hidden the granola bars in a bag in the den.

I've got my notebook right beside me tracking his every morsel and the corresponding potassium, sodium, and protein numbers. It's a bit tricky because if something is okay on the protein list it usually isn't okay on the potassium list and if it's okay on the potassium list it might not be on the sodium list. Lots of cross checking has to happen before he gets a meal.

For our lunch today I made homemade chicken tacos. Corn tortillas, plain chicken, finely shredded cheese, romaine lettuce, jalapeno peppers, onions, and a bit of salsa. To keep within his required numbers portions were small but sure were tasty. Maybe even better than those I had for my solo anniversary dinner at Alejandras on Day 514.

Day 533

Between me, my daughter, her boyfriend, and whoever it was that hauled off the broken exercise bike, that to-do list from Day 527 is being checked off like crazy.

I still need to go through my mail and wash and chop my vegetables. But the weeds have been pulled, the roses pruned. The irrigation pump filter cleaned, the daisies dug up and my car has been serviced. One more thing has been finished up, too.

The hospital visits.

Hubby's kidneys are getting better and his muscles are getting stronger, so after one full month of sleeping in the hospital, one full month of tests and diagnosis, of highs and lows, of more medications than anyone should have to take, hubby came home today. We'll begin a new chapter with outpatient therapy visits and 'round the clock care being provided by me. (Our insurance plan doesn't provide for daily living activities or long-term care.)

Of all days for a hospital bill to arrive. We've been receiving doctor bills and radiology bills and surgeon bills and all other kinds of ancillary bills, but the bill for the first week in the hospital arrived today.

One week, $30,620.68. Quite interesting to see the different amounts detailed. If you don't think prescription drugs drive up the cost of medical care in this country, take a look at the "pharmacy", "other pharmacy", and "drugs" lines. The medication-related costs exceeded the cost of the room itself. 

Thank goodness for insurance.

Day 532

I tried to be patient at the hospital today.

There was a great picture opportunity at eye level out the window of hubby's room. I waited and waited, trying to catch the osprey in flight. Unfortunately it had no interest in moving anywhere and continued to hide behind the power pole.

Day 531

When I got home from work a couple different words came out of my mouth.

The first one was Yay! The wildflower-turned-perennial garden looks great.

The next word was A-MAZ-ING! The straw we used to mulch the strawberries keeps springing up wheat. I hadn't been behind the shed since we came back from vacation (hmm...wonder why?) so I didn't realize it was so bad. Kiddo and kiddo's boyfriend tackled it today. A-MAZ-ING is all I have to say about the before and after pictures they took.

Day 530

Gotta love those kids. My one kid, throw in her boyfriend, and you've got a work crew tackling my to-do list.

On Day 508 my wildflower-turned-perennial garden looked like this:

Since then, all the daisies have died off leaving ugly desperately-in-need-of-deadheading plants. That, plus the realization I may not have anyone to help me in the gardens ever again led me to the decision to dig up all but my favorite flowers.

After a long day at work today I came home to find that progress had been made.

It may be empty looking but it's sure looking good to me. Can't wait to see what I find tomorrow when I get home!

Day 529

When we watched (part of) Top Gun on hubby's birthday I was reminded of some of the memorable lines.
That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous.
I feel the need...the need for speed!
Is this your idea of fun?
Crashed and burned, huh, Mav?

After leaving the hospital this afternoon, getting a hair cut and some groceries, and filling the car up with gas (check that one off my list!) I headed home and went to take a little rest. When I woke up - after 6 PM - it was apparent that crashed and burned described me.

But I wasn't the only one. Take a peek at who had herself scrunched up next to hubby's pillow.

Day 528

I knew that when his appetite started coming back it was probably the steroids. Now that he's been on them a couple weeks now I know for sure.

He's a hungry guy. Most of today's conversations seemed to revolve around food - how he's starving right after he eats, what food he'd like to have and even a specific list of foods to ask the dietician about. Then when it came time for him to go to dinner and me to leave for a bit (only patients and nurses are allowed in the dining room) I asked for his input on where I should go. He named off restaurant after restaurant. I followed one of his suggestions. The Ram.

Good choice. Not only did they have garlic fries but they had something called "ice cream cupcakes". Oh my! As tasty as everything was, I'm hoping I'm getting close to the end of the What I Ate When I Left the Hospital book.

I did put the car issue to rest. A morning spent at the dealership was time well spent. An oil change didn't find the rattling, but when they removed the tires for rotation they discovered a large rock in my brakes. Problem solved. If I hadn't solved it myself Gini had offered to pick me up - even pick up my car - to help me out. Thanks, Gini!

Day 527

If you need anything...

I hear that a lot these days. I certainly appreciate the offer, but how do you ask for help when you're accustomed to doing everything yourself? How do take help from other people you've never offered help to yourself?

How do I ask for stupid stuff? Things like needing someone to:

• carry off the broken exercise bike sitting out at the trash can.
• spray the weeds in the rose garden and the vegetable garden and the shade garden and in front of the house and behind the back fence.
• dig potatoes and pick tomatoes - and keep plenty of them for yourself.
• prune the roses - and take as many bouquets as you want. I'll even give you some vases for them.
• go through my mail. I get home and stack it in a pile(s). Sometimes I sort it, sometimes I don't. Either way I'm tired of catalogs, magazines, and credit card offers cluttering my space.
• take my car to get serviced. A terrible rattle appears to be coming from under the car and the maintenance required light that came on this week and won't go off is pressing me to take action. That is, whenever I can get there during business hours.
• wash and chop vegetables for me. I'm trying hard to keep juicing, but the washing and chopping cuts into either hospital time or getting-to-work time.
• clean out the irrigation pump filter. It's in a case in the ground, too low and screwed on too tight for me to clean it out. Sprinkler pressure is down and things aren't getting watered properly.
• dig up my daisies. They spread too much, they take too much deadheading, and they get too tall. They've taken over practically all my wildflower-turned-perennnial garden and I'm getting tired of having to stare at the ugly mess every time I pull into the driveway.
• pump my gas. In addition to driving back and forth to work I'm driving almost 80 miles roundtrip to the hospital several times a week and am using up gas like crazy.

How do I ask for help with those things? I don't. I say thanks for the offer and leave it at that. For a person who never asks for help maybe it's just easier to live with a messy house, messy gardens, barely-working sprinklers, a broken exercise bike, and intermittent juicing.

It was almost easier to live without a picture today, too. Of all the days I've taken pictures, all 526, today I believe was the hardest. Today was the day I couldn't find anything. In desperation I snapped a picture of a plant the high school staff gave my husband when he first wound up in the hospital. Both of us may not be flourishing right now but the plant is, some three weeks later.

Day 526

When one is beyond tired because of upheaval in her normal routine, what does one do? Go to work.

What does that person do when she gets home from work? Take a much needed nap.

What should that person do when she gets up from her nap?

Use her garden cucumbers to make dill pickles, of course.

Day 525

The wall made an appearance today and I hit it.

After three weeks of hospital back and forths, I hit the wall today. I woke up stiff, in pain, found it difficult to move, and had absolutely no energy. It was like a flashback to my bad arthritis days. I had been feeling pretty good for a while now, but that wall hit me hard today. And it wasn't a good day for it to happen.

Today was hubby's birthday. We made sure the nurses knew ahead of time so they could make him feel special until we arrived. They did. Even embarrassed him a bit by singing Happy Birthday to him in the dining room during lunch time. Daughter and I stayed home for a little while to finish his special cake. Because he is on a renal failure diet (low salt, low potassium, low protein) we had to make a cake without eggs. So I altered a recipe and made a chocolate zucchini cake with no eggs and no oil.

Cake + sign for his room + laptop + DVD was going to equal a fun night for him.

But things changed a bit. When we arrived at the hospital he wasn't feeling well and had even skipped his physical therapy. An extremely low blood pressure but an extremely high pulse rate was alarming to nurses and doctors. Our celebration was delayed by an EKG. Thank goodness no abnormalities appeared (other than a fast heart rate).

Dehydration.

All the medications to get the excess fluid out his system worked a little too well. The birthday celebration was delayed even more as four (or was it five?) different nurses tried to start an IV on a man who was too dehydrated for one to take. An even longer delay as they tried different things - they even wrapped his arm in warm blankets for a while to try and plump up the veins. The things I never knew!

Since the hospital provided a pudding sundae with his dinner we sang Happy Birthday and let him blow out the candle.

Later, once the IV was going strong, we ate just a bit of the zucchini cake (sent the rest to my mom) and watched some of the movie. Too long of a day for all of us.

 At least daughter still had some energy to take some sunset pictures on the way home.

Day 524

Today won't be an easy day for you, but it will definitely be a productive one! 

With a day's horoscope reading like that, I knew I was in for it.

Today was my first day back at work. A day I had to start addressing things I had put off. And a new discovery - unauthorized charges on my school credit card when hubby first got in the hospital. We have great folks at the district office helping resolve the issue.

Today was the day daughter came home to help out. She spent most of her time at her dad's school prepping his classroom for the school year. The school year he won't be starting, but will hopefully be finishing.

Today was the day we met with the kidney specialist. Kidneys are responding to treatment but with muscles not receiving protein for some time, a long road to recovery is ahead.

And a hot day. Getting in my car after the nephrologist visit confirmed just how hot it was. Once I got moving down the road, it did cool down to 107.

But an even more interesting picture was sent to me by someone I work with. She has some of the same health issues as I do but does a much better job of getting up and moving around than I do. She captured such a nice clear picture down by her pond.

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Day 523

I learned a lesson today about what is big stuff and what is small stuff that you shouldn't sweat. It happened because someone else got a parking ticket.

A gal from work who lives down the road from the hospital picked me up and we went to lunch together. I'm not one who goes into downtown Boise especially during lunchtime, so I was thankful when she agreed to drive. This gal, an amazing parallel parker, found us a great spot right in front of the lunch place. Unfortunately when we finished our lunch and returned to the car, she had a parking ticket on her window. While entering the restaurant neither of us noticed there was a parking meter sitting at the rear of the vehicle.

If I had gotten a parking ticket today I probably would have been in tears. (Partially because I'm barely holding everything together as it is.) But she was very relaxed. It wasn't a biggie to her. It was little stuff.

After she dropped me off I walked back into the hospital and started thinking. What is big stuff?

Big stuff is a husband who:
has kidney failure.
hasn't slept in his own bed since the month of June.
had so much edema that he's lost 35 pounds in the past three weeks.
has little muscle mass left.
needs assistance to get up, sit up, stand up, or move.
spends most of his time in a wheelchair or hospital bed.
has gone from extremely high blood pressure to extremely low blood pressure.
will celebrate his birthday this week. In the hospital.
won't return to work for 3-6 months.

Big stuff?
A husband who today, for the first time in almost a month, was able to get tennis shoes to fit on his feet.
A husband who today, during therapy and with the help of the walker and additional person, went up one step and came down that one step. Without taking a break.

Little steps, but big stuff. Thanks to you-who-shall-remain-nameless for the lesson on big stuff versus little stuff. I needed it.

And I sure needed that lunch. Unbelievably delicious pepperoni and chive pizza.

Day 522

I can't decide which is the tastiest thing I made with the veggies from the garden. Salsa or juice?

Granted the juice isn't the prettiest with the addition of the beet greens, but doggone it's tasty.

Day 521

No more complaining about a lackluster harvest from the garden.

Just today I got:

• Swiss chard
• Kale
• Beets
• Carrots
• Red potatoes
• Tomatoes - slicing, cherry, Roma
• Cucumbers
• Zucchini
• Peppers - bell, yellow, hot
• Onions
• Rosemary
• Parsley

The most interesting of the bunch was a pickling cucumber that obviously sat on the vine too long.

Day 520

When I'm at the hospital I watch hubby's physical therapy. It's nerve-wracking, especially today. Since we have five steps to get into our house they worked at getting him to use a walker to get up steps.

One step. With two people helping lift him as he held the walker, he struggled to make it up one step. One step and then he had to sit down and take a break. But even more nerve-wracking was watching them get him down the step. Yesterday when they had him try to go down they wound up having to put him back in the wheelchair and bring him down.

Today he did it. With two people holding onto him tightly and him holding tightly onto the walker he made it down. As scary as it was for me to watch, I'm sure it was even more scary for him.

Maybe the flowers in his room will brighten things up. His school district send a gorgeous bouquet his way. I'm partial to the sunflowers myself.

Day 519

With hubby being cared for in the hospital I know this is probably the easiest part of the journey. When he comes home and I start back to school it'll probably be the hardest. But he's not coming home yet.

The biopsy revealed that an anti-inflammatory medicine a doctor prescribed a while back caused the kidney failure. He's on a multitude of medications and now that they've added steroids to the mix his kidneys are showing some improvement. He's lost close to 30 pounds of excess fluid but still has more to go. They are working on him using a walker, but he is still really weak. The doctors and therapists had a big pow-wow today to review his case and make a decision about discharge. At least two more weeks.

What will life be like for him when he does get home? They'll be no cleaning, cooking, gardening, taking out trash. Nothing. He'll need help bathing, dressing, toileting, getting out of bed and up from a chair, will need a walker, and may need a home health aide. And when does he get to go back to work? 3-6 months is their best estimate. Looks like we're in it for the long haul.

Guess at least I get to go out for a meal each day. Blimpie's French Dip sandwich for lunch today. Yum, yum.

Day 518

Nowadays I think a lot about the emergency run-through they do on airplanes. Particularly the whole secure your own mask before helping others.

Now that we're on Day 14 in the hospital I've tried to get myself into a routine where I'm securing my own mask. Originally I was always at the hospital but that has changed. I'm visiting the hospital two consecutive days and spending the night with my mom and then I go home for one day. Two on, one off.

Even with being home a day, it isn't enough to keep up with things. Unfortunately on my off day I don't have energy to do much of anything other than take it easy. With summer in full swing and gardens and lawns needing attention I'm drowning. I had to absolutely force myself to do something today. It wasn't on my to-do list but I made myself get back into the sewing room. I mindlessly cut out stockings for Stockings for Soldiers.

My hands and arms may be sore tomorrow, but I cut out enough to make 99 stockings.