Day 113 of 365

My insomnia finally paid off.

Last night was the hottest day of the year so far - over 90 degrees. My husband was tired (and full) from his big shrimp feast at Red Lobster and went to bed early. It was quiet (and hot) in the house, so my daughter and I went and sat on the back patio under the shade tree. At this time of year it's light outside past 10:00, so we stayed there for quite a while. As we sat there talking and talking, a storm started rolling in. We sat out even longer watching the lightning.

My daughter loves storms, particularly thunderstorms. I don't like thunderstorms all that much. But since I was a kid reading my grandparent's National Geographic, I have always been amazed at pictures of lightning. Amazed that someone could push the button at the exact second the lightning flashes and have all these amazing branches of lightning appear. (I now know that's not how taking pictures of lightning works.)

As the storm was getting closer, I was telling her that someday I wanted to take pictures of lightning with my new camera. (Not all that new - I bought it way back on Day 13.) This camera has a setting for the night sky where the shutter speed is adjusted to keep it open longer, and I wanted to try it.

Not today, but someday I told her.

I had my camera with me out there, just in case, but it didn't happen. Just couldn't get it timed right. By then the storm was upon us and we headed inside. My daughter suggested we park ourselves in front of our big picture window in the living room and watch for any lightning on the other side of the house.

So we did. And I got my tripod out and aimed the camera across the river. And we sat there, pushing the button to capture a 15 second shot.

We booed when our timing was off. We cheered when we thought we might get something good.

We high fived on this one.

Day 112 of 365

We skipped Father's Day on Sunday because my daughter was working and wasn't able to come home. But she's home today and it's time to celebrate.

The original plan was to make him an Italian feast of a dinner (not really - just spaghetti, salad and bread, since I'm not a chef). Plans changed so the celebration actually started this afternoon when he got to go somewhere we've only been probably twice or so in our lifetime.

Red Lobster.

He's a huge seafood fan and we rarely go out for seafood. We rarely cook it at home, either. (Again, I'm not a chef.)

He did get part of his Italian feast, but not at Red Lobster. He got a spaghetti and meatballs cake, homemade by me. Based somewhat on the recipe from Food Network Magazine.

A real cake that just looks like spaghetti and meatballs.  Made with:

• a boxed chocolate cake mix
• frosted with homemade buttercream frosting
• buttercream frosting tinted with buttercup yellow food coloring, piped on to resemble noodles
• chocolate cake balls  - crumbled chocolate cake with enough frosting to hold it together - for the meatballs
• strawberry jam with a bit of red food coloring for the pasta sauce, and
• finely shredded white chocolate pieces for the Parmesan cheese

I may not be a chef, but maybe I could be a pastry chef?

Day 111 of 365

When I was at school yesterday, I was telling the secretary my wrists and hands were swollen and achy.

With the rheumatoid arthritis it happens when I do one thing too long. The repetitive work is what gets to me. Especially in the wrists, hands, and fingers.

Too much typing. Too much hand sewing. Too much pruning. Too much cookie or cake decorating. Too much scrubbing. Even just a little crocheting will give me several days of pain.

None of those are the cause of my problem this week.

The reason I have numb, swollen, achy wrists, fingers, and hands this week is because of babies.

Baby quilt tops, that is.

Back on Day 104 I made some quilt blocks from my scraps (crumbs). Back on Day 105 my new quilt kits from Quilts for Kids came in the mail. And on Day 107 I finished the blue crumb quilt.

And here on Day 111, I have finished those three quilt tops from the kits on Day 105. Oh, and something else - I made two more sets of blocks out of my crumbs. A set of pink baby girl blocks and a set of red.

So three quilt tops completed and two sets of blocks completed to put into another couple quilt tops.

Too much fabric being fed through the sewing machine for these ole fingers to handle in such a short time.

But it does look like the cat is going to help me out. Bawling at the back door this morning, I can see she must have spent part of the night in the sewing room.

Day 110 of 365

I did a test drive today. A practice run. A modified day at my new job.

I met with the gal who is vacating the position. We went over many, many, many things. Things to get me up and going, things for me to remember, things for me to do, dates for me to keep. Binders and books for me to read.

Being there and having my brain saturated with information, then having to go grocery shopping, and doing my exercising, and doing some quilting made it a very full day.

A day similar to what a day will be like soon. Except today I was there for only a few hours. Except today I didn't have the responsibility I will have later. (I did make a sack lunch for myself, though.)

Today was a day to try and balance work and home. It was a take one hour at a time kind of day, not a looking to the future day.

I came through it.

Barely.

This not getting to sleep until 3 in the morning is wearing on me. Maybe thinking of these nice puffy clouds I saw on my way home from work will help me get to sleep.

Naw, probably not. I'll probably wind up with, "what the heck was I thinking" - trying to drive and take a picture at the same time? (I did keep my eyes on the road and not the camera screen.)

Day 109 of 365

A strange thing happened. Two things, really.

Number one. Other than my daughter's birthday cake, I finally baked something sweet for the first time in 46 days. Before, no more than 12 days went by without me making something sweet. Just look at my record:

• On Day 2 I made M&M Cookies
• Day 12 I made St. Patrick's Day Sugar Cookies
• Day 19 I made Blueberry Muffins
• Day 25 Caramel Apples
• Day 26 Chocolate Covered Strawberries
• Day 36 Easter Sugar Cookies
• Day 42 Chick Cake Pops
• Day 49 Peeps Sugar Cookies
• Day 50 Apricot White Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies
• Day 62 Carrot Bread
• Day 63 Flower Sugar Cookies
• Day 93 Birthday Cake

But since today is Father's Day and we're not celebrating (we'll celebrate when my daughter comes home later this week), my hubby got to pick out what kind of cookies he wanted.

His choice was Oatmeal Raisin cookies, with some leftover M&Ms from, well, um, Christmas.

But the strangest part of this wasn't the 6 month old M&Ms.

It was the change in me that I noticed when I was making them, taking them out of the oven, and plating them up.

Usually when I make something sweet (honestly, always), I taste (honestly, eat) the raw dough before I put it on the cookie sheet or in the pan. Taste it a few times even. Even though I knew raw eggs were a no-no, nothing would stop me from sampling before it was even cooked. Then, after it came out of the oven, I'd taste again. Many times I've burned my tongue eating a cookie or a muffin that was just out of the oven. But that didn't even stop me. I'd do that again and again. And again when things were cooling, I'd munch some more. And more. And finally, when things were eventually cooled, I'd have more.

I couldn't stop myself. Once I started with the raw dough I had to eat the oh-so-hot cookies. Once I had the hot cookies I had to have the lukewarm cookies. And once I had the lukewarm cookies I had to have the cooled cookies. (It wasn't just cookies, but anything sweet I was making.)

But here's the weird thing that happened with these oatmeal cookies.

I didn't eat any raw dough this time. (First time ever.)

I didn't eat a hot cookie. (First time ever.)

I didn't eat a lukewarm cookie. (First time ever.)

In fact, my husband asked me again and again if I wanted a cookie and I turned him down again and again.

Do I crave one? Do I need one? Nope! The urge to eat sweets - and not just stop at one - is not with me today. Now I can't promise myself I will always feel this way about cookies, or cakes, or muffins or anything sweet, but I feel this way today.

I don't know what's gotten into me but I think it's good.

While the cookies aren't necessarily the best thing I could have taken a picture of, they are the best thing that I didn't do today.

Day 108 of 365

Caffeine is something I try to avoid.

I've never been a coffee drinker. Occasionally I might have a Diet Dr. Pepper or a Diet Coke when I go out somewhere, but only if it's during lunch time. I learned long ago that if I have anything with caffeine during the afternoon or evening it'll keep me from getting to sleep.

But this last week I haven't been able to get to sleep and I haven't had any caffeine. I haven't changed my diet, my exercise routine, my television viewing habits or my computer time. Everything has been exactly the same.

Except that I can't get to sleep until about 3 in the morning.

I lie there in bed, trying to get myself to sleep.  Trying my old standby meditation-type thoughts to calm my mind and body. My mind has been calm even without me trying. I'm not thinking about things that might keep me up. Yes, my body aches, but that's not new either.

So some nights I might get up and watch TV for a few minutes then come back to bed. Other nights I might read or come to the computer for a few minutes. Never for more than a few minutes. Because almost as bad as caffeine is the mental stimulation that television and the computer screen causes.

Despite being up, down, lying still with my eyes closed, I am not getting to sleep. Forcing myself to sleep is not working.

After racking my brain for any change in anything I've done, I might have come up with something.

I've been taking some new medication. Some medication prescribed by the gastroenterologist to help with my stomach issues. I've been taking the medication faithfully twice a day, every day, since my procedure, and I've been faithfully unable to sleep every day since the procedure. Wouldn't you know it, a rare side effect of this medication is insomnia. Hmm.

On my own I decided to stop the medication for a couple days to see if there was a connection between the medicine and my sleep pattern.

I never made it through two days without the medication. The stomach issues returned. Just as bad as before.

I like my sleep, but I like a pain-free stomach even better. I'll stick with the medicine and I'll be searching for things to keep me occupied at night. Things I can do between the hours of 10 PM and 3 AM. Things that will not be noisy or distracting. Things that will keep me from lying wide awake in bed for 5 hours a night.

Unfortunately, going to sleep at 3 doesn't prevent me from getting up for a drink of water at 6.

But the reds, oranges, blues, and whites in the sky at six o'clock this morning were spectacular. The picture doesn't do it justice.

Day 107 of 365

I told my daughter last night that I'm going back to work. Her response was, "Good, mom. You need to get back to work. You know you do."

Then my mom called. She had read about me getting a new job and wanted to know if I was excited about it.

Well, not exactly. Or maybe.

I'm trying not to think about it right now.

For quite some time I've been living day by day. It's the only way I've been able to make it through rough days without pain medication. Every time I sit, or stand, or bend over, or stand up, or bend my knee, or get out of bed, or take a shower, or get dressed, or brush my teeth, or exercise, or ... I hurt. I get tired of it, I get frustrated with it, I get mad about it. The only way I know to make it through each day is to try and keep myself busy with writing, taking pictures, and sewing and quilting for others.

I hope this new job becomes one of those things that keeps me busy and keeps my mind off the pain. But doesn't keep me too busy where I go back to the person I was before. The place where I couldn't cope with the pain because I was too busy working and trying to "be strong". Too busy to put forth the extreme amount of mental effort it took (and still takes) to make it through the day.

So am I excited? Yeah, but not yet. By having trained myself to live this way - and still needing it for my sanity and survival - there isn't much room for looking ahead to the future.

Room for more baby quilts? Yep. Finished the "crumby" one today.

 Exercise update: 61 days in a row.  A little over 17 miles on the bike this week.