Day 436

I hope yesterday it didn't seem like I was complaining about work. I love my job, I'm good at my job, and I'm respected at my job. And I'm ever-so-thankful that I have a job.

Remember, it was just a year ago I wasn't sure I'd ever work again. Didn't think it was in me. Didn't think I could get well enough, didn't think I had the stamina, didn't think I could regain my confidence. But I did in all those departments.

But things are changing at work and it'll be interesting how it all plays out. The only thing I know for sure about next year is that I'll have a job somewhere, doing something, and working more days than I did this year (which then translates into extra dollars).

Other things are changing at home, too. My father-in-law picked up the lift chair yesterday. That piece of furniture was where I slept after one of my shoulder surgeries and where I, even just a few months ago, spent my mornings to help get my back ready for the day. And now I don't need it anymore and it gets to go away. I have new routines in place for making my back make it through the day.

Like taking a shower in the mornings. Just a short couple months ago, I wasn't able to do that. On Day 364 I took a shower in the morning for the first time in years. Now those morning showers have become commonplace. Again, ever-so-thankful.

I even notice a difference with the gambling. Just barely a year ago when I went to the casino with my hubby my body really had a tough time. Not so much now. Granted, I did spend all day in the room catching up on my magazine reading.

Reading and looking out the window ever so often and making sure I chose my "Win-It Wednesday" winner. My magazines are all read up and are being passed along to my mom for her perusing, Paula O. gets a sunflower wall quilt, and I got to snap a picture of a tree loaded with pine cones. I just wish I could say I was loaded with money from the casino, but I can't.

But I can say... Congrats, Paula!

Day 435

I needed to escape. Flee, run away, hide, decompress, de-stress. I needed to clear my head and get my mind off of work. Knowing I had today and tomorrow off probably spurred my interest in escaping.

These last few weeks have been a marathon. Early mornings, late nights. 12-14 hour days. Even my weekends were not immune. My life has been juicing, work, juicing, work. My exercise bike has sat dormant for most of those couple weeks. I haven't even been able to carve out an hour between 5 AM and 11 PM to get on the bike. It's not like I haven't tried, but once I sit down to work after dinner I look up and it's dark and hubby is already snoring away.

When I used to work full time, our place of escape was always Jackpot. Gambling, whether we won or lost, always took our minds off work. And today I was oh-so-tempted to drive down. Distract myself with the pile of magazine reading I have to catch up on, distract myself with the book I started and haven't finished, and distract myself with the slot machines.

And unfortunately I gave into temptation. I figured driving a couple hundred miles from home would give me the distance I needed. Except on the drive down a work phone call happened. Then when I got checked in the room and was digging in my purse, a message that I needed to call school. Again.

It's my own fault. Next year I need to set some guidelines about contacting me on my days off.

I really don't want to feel so desperate that I have to spend my time here instead of my garden.