Day 352 of 365

I read a blog today that talked about what people liked in blogs. They liked blogs that had:

• lots of pictures. Check.
• stayed with their true focus. Check.
• tutorials. Check.
• sewing and quilting projects. Check.

They didn't like blogs that had:

• music. Check.
• posts that were complaining. Oops.
• people talking about their illness. Oops.

Guess some of those folks won't like my blog tonight.

I still have been processing my rheumatologist visit. Here's the deal - he wants to switch out one of my medications for another one in hopes to try and get insurance to see that we're trying different things. The two medicines are almost identical, but manufactured by two different companies who have named them two different names. But we have to get insurance to approve this new, highly similar and highly expensive medicine too, so I'm not crossing my fingers. Then he wants me to start on another additional medication and possibly add another one after that.

The thing that has been bugging me these last couple days is the other thing he had to say, though. With the intensive and extensive medication regiments, my symptoms as well as my bloodwork should have shown improvement. So he thinks I need to go to Salt Lake City for further testing and treatment. The hospital at the University of Utah. Something is missing. Something in my treatment is not working and there are no facilities around Idaho that can do what they can do in helping to determine what is going on.

I didn't ask a lot of questions when he talked about it. I didn't ask about the number of days my first initial visit would be. I didn't ask about how often I would have to return. I didn't ask any questions at all.

Because I'm not going.

I'm starting the one new medication he put me on today, but that's it. (Although I said that about the medicine before this one, and the one before that, and the one before that.)

I'll give it some time. No heading to Salt Lake, but also no going off all meds right now. I'll give it a few weeks and if this new cocktail doesn't work, I AM going off everything.

I'm maxed out on daily medication. At 46 I shouldn't have to do this every day.

Day 351 of 365

I'm still processing. Processing how the doctor's visit went, processing how my work day went when I didn't even work today. I should have know when the first line of my horoscope read: You are not the first person to have problems at work...

Being that today was a day off I thought I was in the clear. I received a phone call after my doctor's appointment that required me to drive to work (which is about 25 miles out of my way) and drop something off. Not long after finally returning home I received a second call that required some more immediate attention. That call necessitated making another call, which led me to having to ask our school secretary to find something in my office. That called turned into a return call to the original caller. Not long after that call, an important e-mail requiring a quick response came across my BlackBerry. Which turned into a couple more e-mails and now has turned into needing to make some phone calls first thing tomorrow morning (on another day off). Several hours spent just on work-related fires to be put out. Hours I really didn't have.

But probably a distraction that I needed. I needed something to keep my mind off what I was thinking when I left the rheumatologist's office. I have to let my mind settle from the conversation. I haven't even told my family about what happened. I can't deal with it or think about it right now. It just needs to sit.

On a got something else checked off my list note, my daughter, mom, and I went shopping at Costco yesterday. I loaded up on lots of berries again, of course. My daughter cut some up and served them up on some soft serve ice cream I picked up at Frosty Palace. Yum.