Day 171 of 365

I'm having a wardrobe issue. Not a malfunction, but a problem. I have too many clothes that don't fit.

I have my fat, fat clothes. The ones that are the biggest size I have, me at my highest weight.

I have my fat clothes. Ones that I wore as I was losing weight a few years back. Ones that I am far away from fitting in right now.

I have my not-so-fat clothes that I wore at my lowest weight a couple years back. Clothes I could fit into before I hurt my back, before I started treatment for Rheumatoid Arthritis, before my knee replacement, and before my two shoulder surgeries.

And I have the clothes my mom can't wear anymore that she passed along to me. And right now, even those are all too tight.

I just have too many clothes in too many different sizes. And all those sizes don't fit.

It's not like I didn't try and get some weight off again. Cut out that sugar (yeah, it had started to creep back but I got a hold of it again). I exercised for 120 days in a row (yeah, I started to barely get a mile in these last couple weeks).

And I've tried to get rid of my clothes surplus over the last few years so I wouldn't have all these sizes. I first got rid of some of my fat, fat clothes because when I lost the weight I was confident I'd never get that high again. (Boy, I was wrong.)

Then as I gained the weight again, I got rid of some of my not-so-fat clothes because I felt like I failed and I'd never be at that lower weight again.

Then I thought I'd never return to work, so away went some more of my fat clothes and more of my fat, fat clothes.

I do have some clothes that fit. What fits is what I've been wearing most of the time these last couple years - shorts, sweats, jeans, and t-shirts.

But I have a job that requires a certain standard of clothing. I have lots of perfect clothes for work - dozens of tops and bottoms, all different sizes and color, all with one thing in common.

I can't fit into them.

There's nothing like the frustration of not fitting into anything you own to get you motivated to make changes. So it's either go buy several new outfits in yet another size or make a change. Now that I've had some breathing room and thinking time today, I've opted for a change.

An improved exercise program is being put into place. I'm upping the mileage, upping the minutes, adding in some exercise videos and adding some weights.

And a cleaner diet. Looking at today's harvest from our garden, there will be no shortage of vegetables.

Day 170 of 365

Sometimes we don't appreciate what we have and what we have access to. I've believed that for quite some time, but it really struck home with me today.

I was born and raised in California and didn't appreciate what the state had to offer. Part of it had to do with the Beach Boys. Every time I heard the lyrics I wish they all could be California girls I knew I wasn't nearly as cute as they thought I should be. So I never really considered myself a California girl. 

We lived 45 miles from San Francisco. Our school field trips were mostly to San Francisco so we got to go to places like the US Mint, the Exploratorium, and the bakery. But otherwise, my family never visited the city. San Francisco was touristy and too busy and had too much traffic. I never went to Fisherman's Wharf, the Golden Gate Bridge, Alcatraz, or rode a cable car.

But as an adult living in Idaho? Yep, we've made trips to San Francisco. And millions of people make San Francisco their vacation destination. But when we lived just 45 miles away, we never did.

Which is just like the Idaho State Capitol in Boise. I'm embarrassed to admit I've never stepped foot in the building. I have no excuse for that. I've lived in Idaho for 30 years now. For several of those years, I lived in Boise just down the street from the Capitol. (Right there at Capitol Boulevard, in fact.) And later, when we moved out here to the country some 40 or so miles away from Boise, I taught 4th grade. 4th grade Idaho History where we talked about the Capitol Building. Yet we never took a field trip there.

But today I had a work meeting in Boise. At the State Capitol Building.

For the first time in my life, I walked into the State Capitol today.

And after my meeting was over, I made sure to go to the rotunda I heard so much about and take out my camera and take a picture.

Now I know what all the fuss is about.