Day 130 of 365

I wake up every morning with hope.

Hope that my body can get out of bed, get dressed, and eat breakfast without having to take 3 hours to do it.

Hope that I have the stamina to do what I have planned for the day.

Hope that my pain is less than the day before.

Hope that my fatigue is not as great.

Hope that I have a positive attitude through it all.

In the last week I've sent out 5 charity baby quilts. Scrubbed the kitchen clean. Mopped and vacuumed. Pruned up the roses in the rose garden. Went grocery shopping. Had a dentist appointment. Went to the movies. Cleaned and organized the sewing room. Washed windows. Exercised every day. And just today cleaned and organized the den.

I've done more in the last week than I have done in a long time. The combination of all the work has taken a toll on me.

Each day has been a bigger struggle than the day before. Each day I've had to force myself to get out of bed and dressed. Force myself to do my self-assigned task for the day. Force myself to exercise. Force myself to keep going. And even force myself to write and take the picture of the day.

It was tough. Probably the toughest week I've had in a quite a while.

The thing about rheumatoid arthritis is that it makes you feel like you have the kind of flu with the body aches and fatigue, but all the time. Then add in the side effects from my medications. Then add in the back issues. Add in no pain medication. Try and accomplish physical things during the day - cleaning, washing, gardening? It's enough to make someone start popping those pain pills again.

But I didn't. And I won't. Because that's a short term solution.

I want a long term solution. A solution that will let me work in the garden, clean my house, and even get myself dressed without pain. A solution that will allow me the energy to get back to work.

A solution that will help me meet the goal I set when I first started the blog - the hope that I will be back into the land of the living instead of the land of the existing.

This week was proof that I'm not even close.

I'm having to dig down deep to keep a positive attitude about it. I need to be thankful I can get out of bed and get myself dressed (even if it takes 3 hours). I need to be thankful I can wash my windows, mop my floor, exercise, and prune roses, even if it keeps me in pain and takes every bit of oomph I have. And I need to be thankful I can get outside and enjoy my beautiful flowers.

This one just opened today - some type of huge lily. An Asiatic one maybe?

Day 129 of 365

I had to wash my windows today.

There have been so many missed picture taking opportunities lately because I've had dirty windows. It seems like each time I sit down to type, a new bird shows up in the tree out the window. Whether it's a hummingbird, or another yellow bird like on Day 81, or the pair from Day 83, a woodpecker who has been appearing lately, or a new gorgeous orange and yellow bird, I keep missing them because of my dirty windows.

Remember the squirrel from the picture on Day 89? The one that turned on me on Day 101? If I had clean windows I could have captured a picture of mama hummingbird attacking that squirrel. The squirrel was frozen as mama hummingbird buzzed, and buzzed, and buzzed him. Haven't seen that squirrel much since. But what a picture that would have made!

Clean shiny windows and a camera just waiting to snap a picture is a good recipe for the picture of the day. Although my windows are beautiful, nothing has shown up outside them today.

Since I'm not working in my sewing room until my house is spotless (it's getting there), it's back to my gardens for the picture.

Our wildflower bed turned perennial garden looks like it's turned into a den of daisies instead.