Day 997

A young man is walking along the ocean and sees a beach on which thousands and thousands of starfish have washed ashore. Further along he sees an old man, walking slowly and stooping often, picking up one starfish after another and tossing each one gently into the ocean.

“Why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?,” he asks.

“Because the sun is up and the tide is going out and if I don’t throw them further in they will die.”

“But, old man, don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it! You can’t possibly save them all, you can’t even save one-tenth of them. In fact, even if you work all day, your efforts won’t make any difference at all.”

The old man listened calmly and then bent down to pick up another starfish and threw it into the sea. “It made a difference to that one.”

Educators hear that story quite often.

But right now I feel like it is written for my personal life. I never imagined this picture thing would be anything but a way for me to document my life. But hearing from you is leading me to the realization that what I'm doing here is bigger than myself. Over the last few days the comments, emails, and phone calls I've gotten from you has left my heart full.

Thank you.

And to top it off, kiddo was home today and wanted her momma to show her how to make cinnamon rolls. It's nice to feel needed. Boy, she has tiny fingers.

Day 996

More than once I've used the phrase, "the perfect storm". It usually has to do with something not weather-related. I've also felt like I've been in the Twilight Zone. Today was one of those kinds of days. So many strange occurrences. For them all to align within a few days of the end is just too much of a coincidence.

Maybe my days aren't done. Maybe I have more to share.

I'd ask kitty her opinion but she's too busy keeping warm in the scrap basket.

Day 995

There are so many things I thought would be different. I thought 1000 days in my life would have found me full of remarkable changes. I've accomplished so much but feel like I've changed so little.

I've seen some successes. I made it back to work and now have a dream job. I've done so much sewing for charity with quilts and stockings and pillows. I've written a book. I've conquered my fear of heights. I bought a place for retirement. I've supported my husband through a bad bout with kidney failure. I've seen my daughter get engaged. I've seen our cat grow smaller and weaker. I've traveled and sucked out all the marrow of life. I've gotten a couple tattoos to inspire me to keep plugging along.

What an amazing life I have. But I've taken thousands of pills, given myself hundreds of injections, and had several rounds of infusions all in the attempt to make my self well. And it hasn't worked. Here I am, 995 days later, and the pain and stiffness and fatigue drains me as much today as it did back then. Living these last few months with only one working lung has made life even more difficult.

Yet. 

Yet each and every day I get myself out of bed. Each and every day I find something to take a picture of. Each and every day I turn to this blog to help me through the next step (and misstep). 

What will I do without it? What will I do without you cheering me on?

Day 994

Shock and awe.

Why is this still happening?