Day 144 of 365

As I was sewing up some more Turtle Pillows (like the one I did on Day 132) for Paul Newman's Hole in the Wall Camp, I was thinking it would sure be nice if someone around here could help me out with them.

It's not that I'm lazy. And I love sewing, so it's not that. It's that they take so darned long to make one. And I'm making 23 of them.

With all the baby quilts, I can use my rotary cutter to cut the blocks, sew block after block assembly line style, keep a straight stitch running, and not have to change thread colors.

But with these turtles...
*the shapes have to be cut by hand.
*all the seams are curved.
*some steps require basting.
*pinning is required with every step.
*pressing is required with each step.
*three different fabrics are being used for each one.
*each different fabric requires different colored thread for the top-stitching.
*buttons have to be sewn on for the eyes.
*black "toes" have to be sewn in.

Not hard, not beyond what I can do, but time consuming when multiplied by 23. I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew.

It would be nice to have someone around to help out. My husband helped me do some pressing, but quickly bored of it. (And made it clear he wasn't interested in any pinning or sewing or cutting.) And my daughter? Well, sewing isn't her thing. I helped her make a rag quilt years ago (which gave me hope for the future), but she hasn't been interested in making another one. She made a fall-themed quilted square for her apartment wall with the intention of making one for each season, but it never happened. Her fall-themed one is now still on her wall in July.

So it got me thinking - since I don't know anyone around me that sews or quilts, I do know someone who I can force to help me. I think.

This person has plenty of time on her hands. She owns a sewing machine. She's done a couple fleece blankets over the past year. She used to sew baby clothes for me. And she's moving back to Idaho this week.

That would be my mom. She doesn't know it yet (she does now since she's reading it right here), but she's going to have to come over to my house and help me with some of my charity projects.

It'll be good for her. And it'll be good for me to have someone helping out.

I'm hoping I'll get the turtles done before she shows up, though. Five more done today, 17 more to go.

Day 143 of 365

It occurred to me as I was swimming in the pool the other day that life as I know it is about to change.

In the next two weeks:
*I have to go back to the pain clinic and decide if pain meds are the answer.
*My mom is leaving California and moving back here. And moving into the apartment with my daughter.
*I go back to the gastroenterologist and find out if surgery is forthcoming. (I don't think so.)
*I go back to work.

Amidst all that,
*My husband is going away to a conference for a week.
*He has a birthday.
*We celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary.

When I was swimming in that pool, I realized it probably was the last time I would get some freedom. The last time I could truly relax.

Summer is over, school is beginning.

And I'm still not sure how I feel about that. As much as I've been living day to day, I'm afraid I'm starting to think too much about the future.

Not intentionally. It's happening in my dreams again, just like on Day 54. Bad dreams about not getting enough done at work, not thinking things through and making mistakes at work. Dreams about forgetting all this personal growth work I've done in the last few months.

In my most recent dream I was telling someone that as soon as I think about school/work, I get a knot in my stomach.

It may have been a dream, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it's true.

I feel it happening already. After several rounds of work-related phone calls and e-mails this past week, I feel the knot in the stomach starting.

Spending today in the gardens and in the sewing room helped untie the knot, especially when we came across this.

Our first green bell pepper of the season.

Day 142 of 365

I don't like to drive. Highly dislike it.

I don't remember it always being that way. Don't remember feeling that way when I got my license, but I think it happened soon after we were married.

Since my husband doesn't drive - and never has - I take him everywhere. Every doctor's appointment, every meeting, every athletic event. Any time he leaves the house, I'm the one driving him.

It doesn't help that we live in a small town without stores around.

Grocery store, Target, Walgreens, Home Depot, McDonald's, movie theater? Almost 20 miles. Doctor's office? Up to 40 miles, depending on the doctor.

When I was a stay at home wife, first pregnant and terribly sick, I had to drive him several miles to work. I clearly remember heaving in the driveway as he waited for me to get in the car and get driving so he wouldn't be late for work.

When I had internal bleeding with my first ectopic pregnancy and had to get to the hospital ASAP, I drove myself.

There have been times I've had to drive him 45 miles to a conference, turn around and drive the 45 miles back, then another 10 miles so I can get to work before 7:30 AM.

I've driven every family vacation. 10 hours to the Oregon Coast, only to have to lie down and close my eyes from having such a headache. When we've traveled, my husband and daughter have gone to dinner without me more times than I can count.

27 years of being the sole driver and chauffeur for two different people (three if you count my daughter) wears on a person.

But on the trip we took this week, my daughter helped out with the driving. I was shocked at the difference it makes when someone else is driving. Usually driving long hours with no one to relieve me is so exhausting, but being a passenger for a bit of the time was sure a nice respite.

And I found out what it is like to be a sightseer.

Exercise update: 96 consecutive days. No bike mileage report - it plummeted because several days were spent swimming instead.

Day 141 of 365

My husband watches food shows on the Travel Channel and the Food Network. Those shows where the host travels around, going to different restaurants, learning how to cook the signature items. We've even been to some of the places shown on some of the programs. Even made Coney Island dogs back on Day 18, and a pulled pork, coleslaw, and fries sandwich on Day 71.

I half halfheartedly watch the shows. One show I saw had a restaurant making chicken fried steak.

Chicken fried steak is on the Deb-doesn't-eat-it list. I've tried several things on the Deb-doesn't-eat-it list that went quickly back to the top of it. Escargot. Deep fried alligator. Soft shell crab.

Shrimp used to be on that list, too. Many years ago at the state fair I tried some spicy Cajun shrimp and have been a fan of shrimp ever since.

My husband and daughter love chicken fried steak. There is a restaurant in town that serves it and they have occasionally ordered it. No tasting from that plate for me. When our daughter was old enough to gamble and we went to the casino, either one of them would order it there, too. (And it was huge there - a whole platter full.) Still no tasting for me.

But after I watched that particular show making chicken fried steak, I made my mind up to try it. No gravy for me, though.

I tried it at the local restaurant when my husband was out of town. (Didn't want anyone to know that I was giving in.) It was okay, but not great. Tried it at the casino one time, too. Even better.

And this time at the casino, a must-have. Yummy platter-sized chicken fried steak, without gravy. Delicious, but too much for one person alone.

Even my husband and daughter split theirs, all smothered in gravy. (The picture is just half a serving.)

Day 140 of 365

We've gotten around to celebrating my birthday. At the casino.

After chickening out at the casino on Day 118 it was time to try it again. This time I didn't go alone. And I hope this time I'll stay put. I've never called off a family trip, never made people go home early, so I know I'll be sticking it out this time.

No worries about gambling alone - I have the pool to retreat to. I haven't been swimming since we went to the mountains on Day 52. And boy, do I love to swim. (It might even be a nice break from riding the exercise bike every day.)

We left home first thing in the morning, picked up our daughter on the way, and are making a trip of it. We're able to take advantage of our free room and food comps. We even got a free upgrade to a suite. We've never stayed in a suite before so it makes it extra special. Bedroom, living room, bar/kitchen area, two bathrooms and even two balconies! And our casino host unexpectedly had a birthday cake delivered to our room to help us celebrate.

I'm glad I took the plunge.

Literally.

Day 139 of 365

These last couple days have been spent in the rose garden.

While I wish I could report that the roses are continuing to flourish, I can't.

Every year our rose garden goes through cycles. It blooms nonstop for several weeks, then takes a break.

This year our first official bloom came on June 7 (Day 97). All the bushes have bloomed incessantly since then and I've taken plenty of pictures.

But it was obvious it was starting to wind down when I had a hard time finding buds for my birthday cake a couple days back.

And after a week of windstorms and heavy rain, the rose garden looks like it has closed up shop for a bit.

It'll be back, but it's sad to see it go for now. It doesn't look quite the same as it did just a couple weeks ago on July 5 (Day 125).

Day 138 of 365

When I was in high school biology we did tests of our taste buds to see the reaction to sweet, salty, sour, and bitter. For me, bitter was bad. Horrible. The results of the experiment deemed me to have more bitter taste buds than most people.

I have to agree with that. Broccoli, cauliflower, kale? Keep me away. Far away.

While I'm known to throw spinach in my omelet, occasionally put very finely sliced cabbage in my tacos, and have salad on top of my pizza, you'll never find me eating broccoli, cauliflower, and kale. If it came down to those three vegetables and starvation, I think I'd choose starvation.

My husband on the other hand loves all vegetables, hence the vegetable garden this year.

Although now our garden is in a transitional phase. The radishes and peas are done and the broccoli is just about finished up. We didn't plant cauliflower (yay!), but the kale is coming on and he's already picked one head of cabbage. The corn is beginning to tassel and the potatoes are almost finished with their blooming. The pumpkin vines are huge with enormous orange blossoms (some of which are beginning to become pumpkins).

But an all time record for our garden occurred today. For on this day, July 18th, is the earliest we've ever picked a tomato. Thanks to being able to start our tomatoes in the greenhouse at the high school, we have three beefsteak tomatoes.

And thanks to my husband eating one before I could even get my camera out, I was only able to get a picture of two of them (with just a small chunk of #3 remaining).

Day 137 of 365

Today is my birthday.

I don't like birthdays. Actually, it's my own birthday I don't like. I like celebrating other peoples birthdays, just not my own.

Some years it's because I don't like getting older. Some years it's because I think about what I haven't done in life. Some years it's because in the middle of summer it is usually too hot to do anything. Some years it's because I've wasted my summer away. And some years it's because of something stupid, childish, and petty.

Presents.

Every year for my daughter and my husband's birthdays, Father's Day, and Christmas, I go big. I make sure everyone has everything they would ever need and then some. I want celebration days to be days where they feel special. I look for things they might want or need months ahead and hold onto them until the special day.

But it doesn't work that way for presents for me. They usually buy gifts last minute (although that's not the biggest complaint). The biggest issue is they won't buy me anything unless it's on a list. If it's on a list, I'll probably get it. If it's not on a list, forget about it. Last year I asked for some potholders, gift cards to the places I like to bargain shop (like Target) and a DVD of The Office TV show. Unfortunately I had also mentioned when we were repainting our porch last summer that it would be easier to smooth out the rough spots if we had an electric sander.

So for my birthday last year I got 7 potholders, all the same, all in separate bags, and a electric sander. The sander is still in the box, never used. I eventually went and bought my own DVD off of ebay.

Christmas is the same way. I won't get anything if it's not on a list. When we open gifts, we take turns. Daughter, husband, me. Daughter, husband, me. For the last 25+ years, I have been the one sitting watching everyone else open gift after gift after gift (since I run out of presents after about number six).

At some point I'll get smart and start making a bigger list. But I like the idea of being surprised on a birthday or Christmas. I like the idea of buying things that surprise others. If everyone only got what was on a list, where is the fun in that?

But this year I'm not worrying about getting older. This year I'm not worried about what I haven't done in life. This year it is hot, but not too hot. This year I know I haven't wasted my summer away. And this year I'm not caring so much about presents.

There won't even be presents today anyway. Our daughter is working all day today so we won't be "officially" celebrating today - that will come later this week.

We are having a cake today, though. A cake my husband baked and decorated. I guided him through as he made the cake and the homemade buttercream frosting. I taught him how to color the frosting and some basic cake decorating techniques. I clipped some of our rose buds from the garden for the center.

He's quite proud of his work. As am I. Don't think I could have done a better job myself.

Having a husband make you a cake is a great present!

Day 136 of 365

My horoscope today read:

Your relationship with money is about to go through a very interesting phase. You'll be tasked with managing a far larger amount than you were prepared for, and you should not attempt to go it alone. The sums involved could cause you to make incorrect assumptions. If you don't understand something -- even something small -- seek out professional advice. These are murky waters, and you definitely don't want to get in over your head.

Hmmm.

When I went to the movies with a friend from work last week, she told me a story about a lottery ticket. She had won a bit on a ticket and cashed it in. Then on her way home she stopped and bought another ticket - a lottery ticket that cost $20. And won big. Big enough where she had to go to the lottery office to claim her winnings. (Not like thousands, but several hundred dollars!) Her sister, upon learning of her luck, bought her own $20 ticket. No winner.

So as my husband and I were doing our grocery shopping today, I thought about buying one of those $20 tickets. Maybe that's what my horoscope meant - that I'd win big and need a financial adviser! Unfortunately I chickened out and didn't buy one.

Then I thought maybe it had to do with work. You'll be tasked with managing a far larger amount than you were prepared for. My new job will involve managing larger sums of money than I've managed before. And since I got the word yesterday about when my first day of work will be, and knowing that one of the first tasks will be some budget revisions, maybe my horoscope was wanting me to think ahead.

Or...

They say lightning doesn't strike twice in the same spot. (Which isn't true, but it's what "they" say.) We're planning on going to the casino this coming week. Maybe lightning will strike like it did for us when we walked out of the casino with $1500 on Day 22-Day 23.

And today's picture? Early morning lightning out my front window.

And a few bonus guest pictures!

Ruth sent in these pictures of butterflies on her purple coneflowers. 

Thanks for sharing, Ruth!

Day 135 of 365

Have I ever mentioned I like to organize? (Yeah, probably a dozen or so times now.)

I got all ten packages of batting from yesterday tucked away, my fabrics purchased earlier this week are nice and neatly organized, but my scrap baskets are overflowing.

I already used a bunch of the scraps to make blocks like those on Day  104. I even gave away some of my red blocks since I made too many for the quilts I was working on.

The turtle pillows I cut this week - all 23 of them - left lots of scraps. Lots and lots of them. In all colors and shapes and sizes. I've seen pictures on the internet how most people store their scraps in bins. But I need mine tidier and neater and easier to find. I already had plenty of scraps wrapped on those cut down comic book boards, all organized my color in a couple baskets, but I was running out of room for any more baskets.

I thought about how I had some extra boxes and some leftover contact paper from when I was teaching. I decided to cut up the boxes to fit perfectly on my shelves. Wrap them in contact paper. Cut the comic book boards down even smaller to fit in the boxes.

If anyone needs any fabric scraps, you know where to shop!

Exercise update: 89 consecutive days with a little over 22 miles on the bike this week.

Day 134 of 365

Today's schedule:

Get new drivers license. Return chair mat to Staples. Get gas. Take hubby to doctor. Go to my own rheumatologist appointment. Blood work at lab. Go visit daughter. Go with daughter to look at new apartment. Take keys back to property management office. Go to lunch. Go back to property management office so husband can get glasses he dropped there. Go to JoAnn's fabric store to get big early birthday present. Go to Target for hubby and daughter to birthday shop. Take daughter back to her place. Drive in rush hour traffic. Get groceries. Get prescription at drugstore. Get buy one get one free frozen strawberry lemonade at McDonalds. Come home and ride the exercise bike.

Never did make it to the grocery store or drug store. I was too tuckered out after the full day we had.

But a couple highlights today are worth writing about. First, if you haven't tried McDonald's frozen strawberry lemonade you're missing out. I'm not one who ever gets brain freezes (I don't even know what one of those feels like) but I get throat freezes. Tart and ice cold.

And at the fabric store - my birthday is coming up and my husband knows a fabric store is a good place to shop for a present. He headed to the sewing machine section to look for me a new one, but I headed in a different part of the store. As much as a new machine would be nice, it's not necessary.

What is necessary is quilt batting for my future charity baby quilts. 10 packs of batting is much more appreciated by me than a new sewing machine right now.

I almost arranged the packages with the labels all facing the same way like I do my cans (I wrote about that on Day 131), but decided I was going to be a rebel.

Day 133 of 365

I discovered ebay a few years back.

Not as a buyer, but as a seller. I had a pair of concert tickets a few rows from the stage for George Strait. But as the date got closer, we found out we had a dilemma. It was senior night for girls basketball and our daughter was a senior. George Strait or daughter. We picked the daughter, of course!

Being that the concert was sold out, I knew I had something good on my hands. I had heard about people selling tickets on ebay, but hadn't ever been on the site and didn't know anything about it. After doing some research it appeared that I might not only get my money back for the tickets but make some profit, too.

So the tickets went up for auction. The person who won the tickets e-mailed me after the concert and said the tickets were amazing and George Strait came through their aisle and shook their hands. In the end I made a $200 profit on the tickets and got to see my daughter being honored on senior night.

Then about a year ago I heard about a way to wrap fabric nice and neat. I could either buy some corrugated type white boards (expensive) or use comic book boards.

I used to read some comic books when I was a kid (mostly Richy Rich - boy, what I would have given to live that life!), but had no idea what a comic book board was. It's a piece of thick cardstock-like paper that collectors use to help maintain the shape of the comic book. I guess you can purchase them at comic books stores, but since I don't typically hang out there - or even know where one is - I headed to ebay for my boards.

After some patient searching and waiting, I found someone getting rid of used boards. 500 of them. For a doggone descent price. 500 boards? Never would I ever need 500, but what the heck?

Unfortunately as I began to wrap all my fabric and then cut some of the boards for my smaller pieces of fabric, it became apparent that I had plenty of fabric to fill those boards.

Until today. Up until today, all of my boards had been filled with fabric.

Today I finished cutting the fabric for 22 more turtle pillows (like the one yesterday). Lots of empty comic book boards now.

Then the mail arrived. Another cheap ebay purchase. Sometimes you don't know exactly what you're going to get when you order from there, but today's fabrics filled my 5 foot table. Looks to be close to 30 yards of high quality fabric. So much I couldn't hardly get it all in the picture.

No more empty comic book boards anymore.

Day 132 of 365

It's turtle time!

My house is clean (shiny in some spots even). My roses have been clipped and my gardens are just about weeded.

I get to play with fabric again. And this time I'm making turtles. For charity.

Some day I may actually make something for myself, but not yet. My new charity project will benefit kids at a Hole in the Wall Camp.

Paul Newman started Hole in the Wall Camps for children with life-threatening conditions back in 1988. One of those camps in California, The Painted Turtle, sends each child home with a lap quilt and a turtle pillow. I've made enough quilts for a little bit, so I'm tackling turtles now.

The turtle pillows are quite large - about two and a half feet long. And I'm making bunches of them. I don't have to stuff them (the organization does that), but I get to use up some of my excess fabric to make them.

My first one was finished today, but I'm working on cutting enough fabric for at least 20 or so more.

It's kinda cute even without its stuffing. One down and many more to go.

Day 131 of 365

I'm a stockpiler. Have been ever since I can remember. I love the look of neatly stocked shelves (the labels always have to face out), and I especially love a good deal.

I haven't been stockpiling much this spring, but last summer when I was couponing a lot, I did some major stocking up. If I could get one can of shaving cream for 25 cents, why not go ahead and buy five at that price? I'm lucky we have plenty of storage in the house! Doing the big stockup on many items saved us this year - with me not bringing in any income, it's been nice being able to keep our grocery costs down. We still have plenty of soap, paper towels, cleaning products, shaving cream, toothpaste, and deodorant to last us another year.

Frozen foods and canned goods are another story. Our freezer is just about empty and our canned food shelves are looking bare. Last year we had stocked up so much on canned goods that I made racks to hold some of them. (I used the directions here, but painted mine.) So as soon as another bargain comes along, I'll be taking advantage of it. I like having my own grocery store in the basement.

Like my fabric store in my sewing room closet. Even though it's nicely stocked, if a bargain comes along, I can't resist.

It's not like I don't have enough already. (The picture from Day 57 can confirm that.) As many quilts as I send out the door and fabric and quilt tops I give away, it still isn't dwindling. I have a big project I'm about to get started on that will use some of the yardage up, but that won't keep me from buying.

Just this week (on ebay of course) I found a gal offering 5" and 6" squares of fabric, already cut, in some interesting patterns. So I pulled the trigger and spent five whole dollars. Such a bargain. I have a few more dollars of squares coming in the next few days, but my five dollars worth arrived today. Over 200 squares, just perfect for baby and kids quilts.

Someday maybe I'll even get back to grown up quilts. Probably not anytime soon, though.

Day 130 of 365

I wake up every morning with hope.

Hope that my body can get out of bed, get dressed, and eat breakfast without having to take 3 hours to do it.

Hope that I have the stamina to do what I have planned for the day.

Hope that my pain is less than the day before.

Hope that my fatigue is not as great.

Hope that I have a positive attitude through it all.

In the last week I've sent out 5 charity baby quilts. Scrubbed the kitchen clean. Mopped and vacuumed. Pruned up the roses in the rose garden. Went grocery shopping. Had a dentist appointment. Went to the movies. Cleaned and organized the sewing room. Washed windows. Exercised every day. And just today cleaned and organized the den.

I've done more in the last week than I have done in a long time. The combination of all the work has taken a toll on me.

Each day has been a bigger struggle than the day before. Each day I've had to force myself to get out of bed and dressed. Force myself to do my self-assigned task for the day. Force myself to exercise. Force myself to keep going. And even force myself to write and take the picture of the day.

It was tough. Probably the toughest week I've had in a quite a while.

The thing about rheumatoid arthritis is that it makes you feel like you have the kind of flu with the body aches and fatigue, but all the time. Then add in the side effects from my medications. Then add in the back issues. Add in no pain medication. Try and accomplish physical things during the day - cleaning, washing, gardening? It's enough to make someone start popping those pain pills again.

But I didn't. And I won't. Because that's a short term solution.

I want a long term solution. A solution that will let me work in the garden, clean my house, and even get myself dressed without pain. A solution that will allow me the energy to get back to work.

A solution that will help me meet the goal I set when I first started the blog - the hope that I will be back into the land of the living instead of the land of the existing.

This week was proof that I'm not even close.

I'm having to dig down deep to keep a positive attitude about it. I need to be thankful I can get out of bed and get myself dressed (even if it takes 3 hours). I need to be thankful I can wash my windows, mop my floor, exercise, and prune roses, even if it keeps me in pain and takes every bit of oomph I have. And I need to be thankful I can get outside and enjoy my beautiful flowers.

This one just opened today - some type of huge lily. An Asiatic one maybe?

Day 129 of 365

I had to wash my windows today.

There have been so many missed picture taking opportunities lately because I've had dirty windows. It seems like each time I sit down to type, a new bird shows up in the tree out the window. Whether it's a hummingbird, or another yellow bird like on Day 81, or the pair from Day 83, a woodpecker who has been appearing lately, or a new gorgeous orange and yellow bird, I keep missing them because of my dirty windows.

Remember the squirrel from the picture on Day 89? The one that turned on me on Day 101? If I had clean windows I could have captured a picture of mama hummingbird attacking that squirrel. The squirrel was frozen as mama hummingbird buzzed, and buzzed, and buzzed him. Haven't seen that squirrel much since. But what a picture that would have made!

Clean shiny windows and a camera just waiting to snap a picture is a good recipe for the picture of the day. Although my windows are beautiful, nothing has shown up outside them today.

Since I'm not working in my sewing room until my house is spotless (it's getting there), it's back to my gardens for the picture.

Our wildflower bed turned perennial garden looks like it's turned into a den of daisies instead.

Day 128 of 365

Today was a day full of highlights. I thought about ranking them, but I don't know which one is the best!

Worked outside in the garden a bit.

Had no sugar today.

Rode a little over 21 miles on the exercise bike this week.

In the past six weeks, I've biked a tad over 108 miles.

Today was the 82nd consecutive day of exercising.

And two new things in the picture department today - my pic of the day is a video and I have a guest picture, too.

Jenn sent this picture from her cell phone of ducks, geese, and birds in the park. Canadian geese, mallard ducks, a seagull, and an Aflac duck. Can't get much more diverse than that.

I

And for the first time, a video for my picture of the day. I took a still picture of it, but the video is so much better. That's our baby hummingbird sitting all by herself in the nest, but not for long. Take a look at what happens next.

Day 127 of 365

When I leave the house during the day, I try and cram as much into one day as possible.

It goes back to when I was working and my daughter was still at home. Since my husband and I had a couple months off in the summer, we would coordinate all our yearly checkups. The three of us have had back to back eye appointments and dentist appointments. We'd make sure his other two yearly checkups he had coordinated with my others. By doing this, we'd get 10-12 appointments done in two days. Two full days of appointments instead of two full weeks of appointments. Squeaking out the most of the summer is important!

Today was one of those appointment days with the two of us having back to back dentist appointments. Then in the afternoon I got to the movies with a couple friends from work.

Since I was going two different places, I decided I might as well add the physical therapist office in there as a stop and make everyone a batch of decorated sugar cookies.

The internal conversation I had with myself over making these cookies was deafening. 

"I'll make beehive and bumblebee cookies and ladybug cookies."

"No, better skip it. I might eat them."

"No, I'm doing okay with sugar, it'll be alright. But I'll make flowerpot ones I saw the other day."

"I'll make two batches, enough for everyone."

"If I make two batches, I might have leftovers and will wind up eating them."

"No I won't. I made Oatmeal Cookies back on Day 109 and didn't have a problem."

"Yeah, but that was Day 109."

"Can I guarantee that I won't eat any sugar cookies?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No."

After 2 days of going back and forth, my willpower overpowered my cookie making/eating urge. So no cookies for anyone because I can't trust cookies. (I really mean I can't trust me.)

As much as I'd like to write that, at the end of this day, after struggling for days on the cookie issue, I have control over the sweets issue, I can't.

For after the movies, I picked up dinner for my husband. And I ordered ice cream with candies mixed in. Not because I wanted it, but because it was such a habit to order. And as much as I wish I could write that after ordering it I realized my mistake, I did not. I ate that ice cream and candy concoction on the way home. Only upon almost finishing it did I realize what I was doing. I was eating something that I have been trying to fend off. Something I didn't even want.

I know better. But I wasn't thinking. My habit got the best of me.

At least I can end the day now knowing that my control over sweets is easier maintained at home. Baby steps, I guess.

Am I the only one who has these struggles?

Thank goodness I have some baby strawberries coming on. No sugar needed there.

Day 126 of 365

I used to be a perfectionist. Or at least tried to be. A place for everything and everything in its place. But I'm finding more and more I don't care about that as much.

It's like before our daughter was born. Long before hand sanitizers, I was a clean hands freak. I would wash my hands - with soap - all the time. Multiple times a day. Even when they weren't dirty. Before we moved into rental apartments, I'd wash down every single surface. Even if the walls were clean, I'd still wash them down. Heaven forbid I'd ever touch a wall that someone else had touched.

But after the kiddo came around, there was less and less time to be so particular. I still washed my hands with soap quite a bit, but not like before (except I do use more soap than anyone else in the house). And nowadays, the moment I get in the car from being out shopping or out to eat, or really anywhere I might be where I could have touched something that someone else might have touched, the hand sanitizer is the first thing I grab. Thank goodness for those small bottles I can keep in the car. (The Bath and Body Works fragrant ones are the best!)

Trying to work on my house being deep cleaned (although not perfectly) and using hand sanitizers every time I leave the house, yet having fabric scraps all around my sewing room and drooping dead roses in the garden and not having a mopped kitchen floor - it didn't make sense. So I had to rectify that.

At the end of the day today, I'll feel better than yesterday. (Although I don't feel great about having to give myself a shot tonight.)

Kitchen floor mopped. Check.
Roses pruned. Check.
Sewing room cleaned. Check.

My fabric closet is back to where it was on Day 57  and the rest of the room is finally back to normal as well.

Day 125 of 365

Usually when I sit down to type the blog, I already have an idea of what I want to write about. Today I had an idea of what I was going to write about but it didn't happen.

I had planned on writing about how productive I was these last couple days. I was hoping to report that I had mopped my kitchen floor, cleaned up the sewing room, and pruned all the roses.

No such luck.

Did I mop the kitchen? Nope. Get the sewing room clean? I started on it. Get all the roses pruned? Some of them. Get groceries? Yep. Do my exercising? Yep. Eat healthy? Not so much.

My husband went grocery shopping with me today. Which meant we had to go out to eat. (Take the hubby to help, gotta feed him.) We stopped somewhere we never go - Dairy Queen. A cheeseburger, fries, diet soda (with caffeine) and a chocolate covered strawberry waffle bowl dessert has left me feeling icky. Too much salt, too much sugar, too much caffeine. Glad to know my body doesn't like those things anymore! A few miles on the bike helped me feel a bit better,  but the work I planned on doing when we got home didn't happen.

As much as I wished I could report that my rose garden is all nice and tidy, it's not going to happen today. I've been working on it slowly for the last couple days and can't even make a dent in it.

Although I probably could leave it where it stands now and no one would be the wiser...