Hunkering Down

As I continue with my chemotherapy medication that makes me sick, as I wait for approval for the new, aggressive rheumatoid arthritis medication. As hubby waits to see if he will have any income this month. As we wait for new carpet to arrive and Internet and phone to be installed in our Boise home. As we wait for our Marsing home to sell. As we work through the emotional and physical toll these last few months have taken on us.

As we wait we have decided to hunker down. Keeping our feelings and thoughts to ourselves, no talking and no visiting and seeing no one. Just the two of us taking a break from the world for a little while. 

We'll be back in society and back to responsibilities and obligations when the time is right. But that time is not now.  Midlife crisis? Physical breakdown? Mental breakdown? 

Maybe a combination of all. Time to take advantage of this sign:

Emotions

The emotions that have accompanied the life changes we've been experiencing have been stronger than expected.

Husband sitting home all day, every day, with nothing to do but watch TV. His identity - high school teacher - has been lost. 28 years spent in the same school district, in the same building, teaching the same subject. How could it not be an emotional draining situation for him?

Losing kitty, my companion. Having to put her to sleep was difficult. 14 years of knowing when I wasn't feeling well, climbing onto my lap to keep me company. Sitting in the window as I sat sewing at the machine. Still feels like a part of me is missing.

Then teary eyes in kiddo's room when I was cleaning out and boxing things up to make room for the painter. From elementary school to middle school to high school to college to married life, her knick knacks and clothes and medals and posters that had been collected had remained.

The house is now empty. Painting is finished. Doing a walkthrough last night brought more tears to the eyes. And while it won't officially go onto the market until Wednesday, we now have a sign in the yard. Anyone looking for a four bedroom three bath house with a river view in Marsing, Idaho? I know someone selling one.

An emotional time.

Timing

At 8:49 AM I made a phone call. Pouring rain, side of the highway, heading back to Marsing for the last time. With a flat tire.

At 9:11 AM as I sat in the cold car waiting for AAA to arrive I received a text. It came from someone I work with, someone who had no knowledge of my current side-of-the-road situation.  

"Today is going to be awesome!" 

How's that for timing? Such a good reminder that we can choose to be happy even in the pain-in-the-rear situations. 

Thank you, you-know-who for choosing that moment to connect with me. 

Convinced

I am completely convinced that the geese are speaking directly to me as they honk. Another load of house stuff packed into the car = another noisy flock flying overhead.

I think we'll both miss each other.