Thursday, May 16, 2013

Day 806

As I sit here typing in my recliner with my feet up, a thought occurs to me. Is there anything cuter or more peaceful than a sleeping baby?

Yep. A sleeping cat that keeps changing positions every few minutes or so.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Day 805

It could be one of those how many _______ does it take to change a lightbulb? kind of jokes. But it's my life and it's not funny. But it was a hoop I had to jump through to get the insurance to pay for oxygen.

How many wires attached to Deb's head, all night long, does it take to determine her breathing patterns?
A lot.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Day 804

While my pictures are changing every day, there is one scene that reappears every single day. And not just once. Dozens of times.

Here's how it works...
I'm sitting somewhere - at my desk, my chair, or maybe my dining room table. Minding my business, doing my thing. At some point I need something from another room. Maybe a folder, a glass of water, maybe I need to go to the bathroom. I jump up, feeling great (still no pain), and head to where ever that other thing might be. Once I get to that other room is when it happens. The same conversation with myself. (FYI- the H-H-H in the conversation is me panting and gasping for air.)

Oh my H-H-H goodness H-H-H why H-H-H can't I H-H-H remember H-H-H to H-H-H move H-H-H slowly H-H-H?

Every single time.

The doctor told me to do everything very, very slowly. But geez whiz, I feel great and I want to move. So I keep forgetting. Again and again and again. Guess I'm going to have to take my time if I'm wanting to live deliberately to suck all the marrow out of life.

But I'll be letting someone else worry about the bulbs, strawberries, daisies, and peonies. Just today I sent out the all-call for folks from work to come and dig what they want out of my garden. I gotta keep a few of my peonies, but there are plenty to go around.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Day 803

I am so embarrassed about my rose garden. My untended, neglected, sorry-looking rose garden. The poor thing. The only time I stepped into the garden this year was to count rose bushes that needed to be dug up because of the too-cold winter temperatures.

Until today. I first took this picture. Embarrassing.

But thanks to my daughter and her boyfriend it looked like this by day's end. Not embarrassing.

The pile of rosebushes and weeds, stuffed in boxes and bags and trash cans. 16 rosebushes had to be dug out in all. Sad.

Then tonight, something sort of embarrassing. An award for me at the school board meeting. It's nice to hear nice things said about you. It was also nice to have hubby and daughter and her boyfriend along for the presentation. My boss took a picture and told me it could be the picture for the blog. Me, in a picture?

Nah, don't think so. But thanks to everyone I work with for making me feel so appreciated!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Day 802

This could be my picture for the day. Grilled hot dogs with grilled red pepper and onion relish, eaten out of the back of our car in the driveway. I'm not a big hot dog fan, but hubby's concoction tasted pretty darn good.


But this picture of something landing on me while I was sitting outside is more Mother's Day appropriate.
Happy Mother's Day.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Day 801

I haven't even had my new scooter for 24 hours and hubby has found a new use for it.

Spray truck.

Quite the sight with me driving and him spraying. Can't imagine what the neighbors might be thinking!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Day 800

How appropriate that on a milestone day - Day 800 - that a quote is on my mind. A quote from Thoreau, but also a line from the movie Dead's Poet Society.

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life."

As I've been coming to terms with this new diagnosis, I've decided to have a much better attitude than I've had with the arthritis. It's not all that hard. If I can handle 10 years of constant pain, I can certainly handle this. Yes, my life will revolve around a scooter. But it is time to swallow my pride and just do it.

I'm ready to live deliberately and suck out all the marrow of life. I have some more responsibilities at work next year and am excited about it. I'm clearing things out of the house like crazy and am excited about it. I have quilts planned and new books planned and am excited about it. I have a trip planned with hubby, daughter, and boyfriend and am excited about it.

As to quote another movie line from Dead Poet's Society, carpe diem! (Which means "seize the day", but should mean "my scooter arrived today.")

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Day 799

Have you ever had a doctor call you personally to tell you test results? My pulmonary specialist did today. So yes, paralyzed diaphragm, yes there will be a significant lifestyle impact, no it will never get better, yes the oxygen monitor I wore the other night show my oxygen level drops way too low, no the insurance won't cover the oxygen machine I need unless I have a sleep study and then use a CPAP machine first. No, no problems with bloodwork. Oh, and would you like me to call you with the results of the sleep study or would you like to come in and visit about them?

Wow.

After months of trying to get answers, months of doctors and physician assistants and nurses and secretaries dismissing my concerns about not being able to breathe, of not returning calls, and in some cases never letting me know how test results turned out, it sure is a breath of fresh air. (Pun intended!)

Fresh like tulips.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Day 798

I don't know if anyone is in their right mind to make smart decisions at 5 AM, but I went for it. I woke up and decided to kill the garden.

We bought seeds months ago. We had high school kids plant them in the greenhouse. And we waited for me to feel well enough to clean up last year's garden. Clean it up and plant it.

But that "feel well enough" day hasn't appeared. Actually, that's inaccurate. I feel great. Better than I've felt in years. Those infusions have knocked that darn arthritis right out of my system and there is no pain in my body. It has been replaced with a smile on my face and a sparkle in my eye. Every day I'm up early excited for the day.

But I can't move much without losing my air. Heck, I can't even walk to the garden space let alone work in it. Knowing I won't ever be able to catch my breath is what lead me to the decision. The killing of the garden decision.

Although right now it's more of a killing the weeds decision.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Day 797

On a stop at Sonic for lunch (Did you know they had grilled cheese? Yum.) before I headed to another appointment at the hospital I came across this gorgeous tree in bloom. I can't believe now, with almost 800 consecutive days of taking pictures behind me, that things are still awe-inspiring to me.

Life is good, ya know?

Monday, May 6, 2013

Day 796

The fluroscopy test I had on my lungs today confirmed the pulmonary specialist's preliminary diagnosis.

My diaphragm, that muscle that pushes air into and out of my lungs, is paralyzed.

I left the hospital, thinking about life and looking up at the clouds. What else is there to do when you know life will never be the same?

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Day 795

Taking close up pictures of the tulips has gotten me thinking about how much things look different close up. I could go on about how it applies to my life right now, but I will restrain myself.

But I'm not restraining from (trying) to take a close up picture of something else, my hand after painting the steps at the Boise place. Yep, I over did it but yep, they look good. (My hand? Not so pretty.)

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Day 794

There's no keeping me down. I just can't sit still all day. Case in point, this mess from the estate sale I went to in Boise. The one where I put everything on the floor of the bedroom. On Day 743 it looked like this:

Now look at it today. Most went to eBay but I saved a few pieces for myself. With the addition of the cubby shelves things are coming together nicely.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Day 793

Let's have a lesson on lungs today. More of a lesson on the diaphragm. 

The diaphragm sits below the lungs and is the major muscle involved in breathing. It contracts and relaxes, forcing air in and out of your lungs. When you breath in, the diaphragm flattens out and lets air in your lungs. When you breathe out, it expands and forces air out of your lungs. A diaphragm also acts as a barrier between the chest cavity and abdominal cavity.

There is also a nerve that runs through your chest that makes those diaphragms work. That nerve can be damaged by a virus. That nerve damage can cause the diaphragm to be pretty much be stuck in the expanded state, pushing into the lungs permanently. No contracting in and out, no air in and out. That diaphragm can also lose its job as chest/abdominal cavity barrier and wind up carrying the liver and other abdominal organs into the lung cavity with it.

So thus is the lesson of the diaphragm. And the preliminary diagnosis from the pulmonary specialist. I have a few more tests lined up next week to confirm.

The good news? It shouldn't get worse. The bad news? It won't get better. There are some treatments, but nothing guaranteed. I've been told to do everything very slowly. Keep the walking down to a minimum, stick close to home. Even suggested a scooter to get around. Not what I had in mind.

Also what I didn't have in mind? A CT scan of my lungs that looked like this. You can see that doggone diaphragm clogging up the lungs. No wonder I can't breathe!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Day 792

Hubby has been lamenting the state of our roses. With the coldest winter in years occurring this past season he has reason to be worried. I finally took myself a little stroll through the rose garden.

Pretty ugly. Looks like close to a dozen rose bushes have bit the dust. So sad.

At least I still have gorgeous tulips. I love the stripes in this one.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Day 791

I like mustard on my hot dogs and hot mustard with Chinese food. As much mustard seed growing around here I won't be going without anytime soon.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Day 790

For the past two days I got up out of bed.

You might be thinking so what? Let me clarify that. For the past two days I got up out of bed with no pain.

For the first time in close to ten years my body let me get up out of bed. And move. And shower. And get dressed. And eat my breakfast. All with no pain.

The miracle of infusions.

I wish I could say all is great. But I still can't breathe. Once I get out of bed and move, I can't breathe. When I shower I can't breathe. When I get dressed I can't breathe. When I eat my breakfast I can't breathe. And every single time I make any movement I can't catch my breath, I can't get any air.

I feel like the picture I took today of the auto parts store. I'm so raring to go, but something is holding me back...

Monday, April 29, 2013

Day 789

No, daughter isn't engaged yet. Boyfriend asked permission from us, but no ring on her finger yet. And yep, Lisa, Macys is her employer. Still no guesses on his from anyone?

How about this one - can you guess how pretty dew is on violets?

Pretty darn pretty, I say.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Day 788

34.03 miles v. 2.42 miles.

From our house in Marsing to our daughter's place in Boise it's 34.03 miles. With one way miles like that we don't see her all that much. Especially with her going to school full time and still trying to keep 20+ hours a week at work. But from our place in Boise to hers? 2.42 miles.

With as close as she lives it has been nice to see her whenever we spend the night over there. We don't always get to see her every trip - trying to pull straight A's takes quite the studying on her part - but last night we got to spend a nice chunk of time with her, her boyfriend, and their cat.

Boyfriend made dinner. Stir fry, fried rice, and egg roll.

Then daughter needed help making cupcakes for a party. A party where the attendees work at either her work or his work. (Can you tell by the logo cupcakes which two stores she and boyfriend work at?)

Oh yeah, and that's not all. Boyfriend asked our permission to marry our daughter. We said yes.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Day 787

Another mystery solved. Again, not the right one but one I'll again take.

On Day 770 I took a picture of a pod in the middle of rhubarb at our place in Boise.

Well that pod has now opened. Yep, a rhubarb flower.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Day 786

A mystery was solved today. Unfortunately it wasn't the one about me, but I'll take it anyway.

Back on Day 275 I had taken a picture of a plant with some berries on it. I had asked for help on identifying it and Karen came through. Could be grape holly, she said.

I had to wait until spring to see if yellow flowers appeared. I somehow missed checking last spring but I caught them this year. Plant identity confirmed.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Day 785

I could use all kinds of (bad) words to describe how things are going right now, but I'd rather focus on a positive word.

Stunning.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Day 784

You and I aren't the only ones who like admiring flowers. Check out the bottom right corner of the picture.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Day 783

Must. Keep. Moving. Forward.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Day 782

Scene: picking hubby up afterschool.

Conversation:
Hubby: What's for dinner?
Me: Tacos.
Hubby: I'm not sure how good the cabbage is. And I took the salad mix for lunch so we don't have any lettuce, either.
Me: (In a smart aleck-y voice) So what, we need to get our tacos at Alejandra's instead?
Hubby: You want to?
Me: I don't know.
Hubby: You up to it?
Me: Well I had a shower today and am dressed. (Okay, admission here...I don't shower everyday when I'm sick and sometimes I'm lucky to be wearing clean clothes.)

And that's how we wound up having a chimichanga for the first time ever.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Day 781

I needed another happy picture today. (Although if you knew nothing about flowers, a picture of a "bleeding heart" might not sound all that pleasant.)

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Day 780

Figured after all the complaining I've been doing it's about time for happy things.

Like spring flowers.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Day 779

How much can one person take?

Despite my repeated declarations to the contrary, I've had to start back on the pain pills. Can't believe I crossed back over that line. I also have to get a shot today - in my rump - that is supposed to help with pain.

When I lifted those big, heavy boxes for the post office the other day I forgot something. Part of the recovery instructions from the cardiac catherization was to limit my lifting to three pounds. Oops. Now I'm paying for the oversight. The ache from the elbow to the wrist is not pleasant.

The soonest I can get into the doctor to discuss my pulmonary function tests is Wednesday. So more days of keeping still, more days of not being able to breathe.

Today is my chemotherapy drug day. Which means the next few days will have me feeling even worse than usual.

And the cherry on top for the day? I'm writing this from the rheumatologist's office. It's infusion day. Happy flippin' Friday.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Day 778

Still no word from the doctor, but I did get a nurse to read the results of my pulmonary function test to me. In hindsight that was probably not the best idea. Amid all the medical gobbledygook a key phrase stood out that I did understand. So Ms. Researcher me typed that phrase into the computer and added the words rheumatoid arthritis to the search.

Shouldn't have done that. All kinds of research studies connecting the condition to rheumatoid arthritis popped up. Studies painting a gloomy picture.

I can't let my mind go there. I'll go about my day, my week, my month and wait to hear the doctor's take on it and the next steps involved. And I'm pretty sure there will be at least one or more next steps.

To prove that I am moving on, we went to Alejandra's tonight. It has been so long since we've been there I couldn't even remember what menu item we were on. So I guessed. Two combination platters, one with a tamale and the other with a zope.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Day 777

Selling on eBay has been pretty fun. I get to clean out my stuff, send it to someone who could make better use of it, and make a little money while doing it.

Except on days like today when I have several packages going out at once. With me not being able to move/walk/stand but a minute or so before I run out of air it takes a bazillion breaks for me to get just these boxes packed, loaded, and to the post office. Boy, I hope I get some answers soon. Thank goodness my mind is still sharp (so far), because my body sure isn't.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Day 776

The soap opera continues.

I got the latest test results from the rheumatologist's office today. My inflammation numbers are down, like to normal. As much pain as I'm in I'm not sure I believe it. Looks like the doctor doesn't believe it either because he wants me to retake them next week. No question about my liver function, though. It's not working right, with the bloodwork showing my liver function off significantly.

Thank goodness for my flowers. Only thing getting me through today.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Day 775

Getting closer to answers. I think.

I had another test over at the hospital today, a pulmonary function test. It's a test all about lung capacity and force and oxygen saturation and so forth. I failed. Big time. They ran several tests and every single one was abnormal.  Every single one. My lungs ranked from 40% to 71% of normal on the different tests. Not good. Even the one where they did a breathing treatment with medication, medication that opens up the airways of asthmatics? Yep, that didn't show the results it should have. (In my mind that test told me I don't have asthma - don't know if the doctor will see it that way or not.) It'll be a couple days before he gets results and then I guess we'll see where we go from here.

And if that wasn't enough fun for the day, the rheumatologist and cardiologist had a consultation about me. They both agreed I need to, despite all the terrible side effects, continue with the infusions. That means I'm up for one again this Friday. I don't know if I have the strength.

Despite all that, I did have something pleasant today. Just look at our gorgeous tree!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Day 774

My daughter keeps telling me not to leave a bunch of stuff for her to get rid of. She's talking about when I'm no longer living and she has to clean out the house. We've been working hard at downsizing, but the sewing room? Yea, I'm afraid I haven't worked on downsizing it as much as I should.

I've always told kiddo that she wouldn't have to worry about my fabric stash because I'd use it up. But now with me being so sick I'm starting to wonder if I have too much. So today was spent getting ready to put some fabric on eBay soon. Might as well sell it there since that's where most of it came from anyway!

After spending the day working on what I can let go of, the boxes of colorful fabric fat quarters aren't even close to being full.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Day 773

Medicine is amazing.

Imagine such a tiny little hole in the wrist could be used to access an artery which in turn holds a guidewire which is then replaced with a plastic tube which is then guided into the heart and moved in and out as dye is injected. All while the patient is awake.

Just amazing. (Not so amazing on the bruising.) Sorry for the icky picture.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Day 772

Finally home and finally into different clothes.

I had planned on being in Boise this past week for a conference so I had three sets of dress clothes. Unfortunately I wound up missing the conference and spent my days in the emergency room, the cardiologist's office, the rheumatologist's office, and then just yesterday the hospital. All situations not requiring dress clothes.

So I've been wearing the one set of comfy clothes I brought with me for several days in a row. But today I felt strong enough to head back home.

Ahh, clean clothes. And ooh, tulips in bloom.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Day 771

I was good today. I should say my heart was good. They went through my wrist into my heart. Weird. But no blockages. So I'm here in the hospital bed with a clamp on my wrist to seal up the artery. I'll be here several hours until it's closed. What does the clamp look like? Another case of weird. A pretty white bracelet. I'll spare you the bloody underside.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Day 770

When I was a teenager, I used to watch soap operas. Once I got to college the only one I kept watching was Days of our Lives. Once I started teaching and actually worked during the day I stopped watching. Occasionally I'd watch in the summer, but over the past several years my viewing has become non-existent.

It's not like they don't have interesting story lines - they certainly do. But they just didn't seem believable anymore. How can the same person have a child they don't know about, get amnesia, find they have a deadly disease and be treated at the hospital by that same long lost child, and then miraculously be cured by the blood transfusion they received from the brother they thought was dead? (Okay, that's not a real story line but it could be!)

Anyway, I feel I'm starting to live a soap opera myself. Every day there has been a new development in my health. Today was the rheumatologist appointment. What did he have to say? Maybe it's about time I started back on pain pills to cut down on the pain until we can get the arthritis under control. Yeah, like that's going to happen. And what else? Oh, just that it's probably time I go on temporary disability. Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Now tomorrow is my angiogram. Can't wait to see what that doctor has to say.

Kind of like I can't wait to see what is coming up out of this pod in the rhubarb. It's sticking up a little higher than just the other day.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Day 769

My trip to the cardiologist today is helping rule some other things out. Unfortunately (or fortunately) we're bypassing the stress test and going straight to the angiogram. A long thin tube through the groin, up an artery, and into the heart. Add a bit of dye and he'll get a good look in there. If all is good I get to go home the same day (Thursday). If not, there's a bit more involved. (I'm planning on all being good!)

Good like my daughter's kitty. Remember my cat that wouldn't get in the carrier? We gave the carrier to my daughter and take a look what her kitty does with it. No fair!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Day 768

Thanks for all your kind thoughts through all this. I spent the afternoon in the emergency room and got some things excluded, others not. I have an appointment with a cardiologist tomorrow and hope to have answers soon. I've been told to lay low for a while so no work for me for at least a couple days. Just hanging out in Boise, close to the hospital.

Discovered something new out my window. Rhubarb.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Day 767

Only one thing to do when you feel as bad as I do and have an excruciating headache and have blood pressure numbers looking like this. Decide it's time to head to the hospital.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Day 766

Even kitty knows things aren't right with me. She's sticking pretty close these days.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Day 765

I decided to stop with the book giveaways. No interest and I'm just sooo tired and get so winded just picking up a book let alone two or three. I have a feeling something is wrong. Something besides arthritis, besides asthma. I suspect an emergency room visit may be in the near future.

In the meantime I have to lay low. Just hanging out in the recliner, feet up. And looking out the window.