Day 139 of 365

These last couple days have been spent in the rose garden.

While I wish I could report that the roses are continuing to flourish, I can't.

Every year our rose garden goes through cycles. It blooms nonstop for several weeks, then takes a break.

This year our first official bloom came on June 7 (Day 97). All the bushes have bloomed incessantly since then and I've taken plenty of pictures.

But it was obvious it was starting to wind down when I had a hard time finding buds for my birthday cake a couple days back.

And after a week of windstorms and heavy rain, the rose garden looks like it has closed up shop for a bit.

It'll be back, but it's sad to see it go for now. It doesn't look quite the same as it did just a couple weeks ago on July 5 (Day 125).

Day 138 of 365

When I was in high school biology we did tests of our taste buds to see the reaction to sweet, salty, sour, and bitter. For me, bitter was bad. Horrible. The results of the experiment deemed me to have more bitter taste buds than most people.

I have to agree with that. Broccoli, cauliflower, kale? Keep me away. Far away.

While I'm known to throw spinach in my omelet, occasionally put very finely sliced cabbage in my tacos, and have salad on top of my pizza, you'll never find me eating broccoli, cauliflower, and kale. If it came down to those three vegetables and starvation, I think I'd choose starvation.

My husband on the other hand loves all vegetables, hence the vegetable garden this year.

Although now our garden is in a transitional phase. The radishes and peas are done and the broccoli is just about finished up. We didn't plant cauliflower (yay!), but the kale is coming on and he's already picked one head of cabbage. The corn is beginning to tassel and the potatoes are almost finished with their blooming. The pumpkin vines are huge with enormous orange blossoms (some of which are beginning to become pumpkins).

But an all time record for our garden occurred today. For on this day, July 18th, is the earliest we've ever picked a tomato. Thanks to being able to start our tomatoes in the greenhouse at the high school, we have three beefsteak tomatoes.

And thanks to my husband eating one before I could even get my camera out, I was only able to get a picture of two of them (with just a small chunk of #3 remaining).

Day 137 of 365

Today is my birthday.

I don't like birthdays. Actually, it's my own birthday I don't like. I like celebrating other peoples birthdays, just not my own.

Some years it's because I don't like getting older. Some years it's because I think about what I haven't done in life. Some years it's because in the middle of summer it is usually too hot to do anything. Some years it's because I've wasted my summer away. And some years it's because of something stupid, childish, and petty.

Presents.

Every year for my daughter and my husband's birthdays, Father's Day, and Christmas, I go big. I make sure everyone has everything they would ever need and then some. I want celebration days to be days where they feel special. I look for things they might want or need months ahead and hold onto them until the special day.

But it doesn't work that way for presents for me. They usually buy gifts last minute (although that's not the biggest complaint). The biggest issue is they won't buy me anything unless it's on a list. If it's on a list, I'll probably get it. If it's not on a list, forget about it. Last year I asked for some potholders, gift cards to the places I like to bargain shop (like Target) and a DVD of The Office TV show. Unfortunately I had also mentioned when we were repainting our porch last summer that it would be easier to smooth out the rough spots if we had an electric sander.

So for my birthday last year I got 7 potholders, all the same, all in separate bags, and a electric sander. The sander is still in the box, never used. I eventually went and bought my own DVD off of ebay.

Christmas is the same way. I won't get anything if it's not on a list. When we open gifts, we take turns. Daughter, husband, me. Daughter, husband, me. For the last 25+ years, I have been the one sitting watching everyone else open gift after gift after gift (since I run out of presents after about number six).

At some point I'll get smart and start making a bigger list. But I like the idea of being surprised on a birthday or Christmas. I like the idea of buying things that surprise others. If everyone only got what was on a list, where is the fun in that?

But this year I'm not worrying about getting older. This year I'm not worried about what I haven't done in life. This year it is hot, but not too hot. This year I know I haven't wasted my summer away. And this year I'm not caring so much about presents.

There won't even be presents today anyway. Our daughter is working all day today so we won't be "officially" celebrating today - that will come later this week.

We are having a cake today, though. A cake my husband baked and decorated. I guided him through as he made the cake and the homemade buttercream frosting. I taught him how to color the frosting and some basic cake decorating techniques. I clipped some of our rose buds from the garden for the center.

He's quite proud of his work. As am I. Don't think I could have done a better job myself.

Having a husband make you a cake is a great present!

Day 136 of 365

My horoscope today read:

Your relationship with money is about to go through a very interesting phase. You'll be tasked with managing a far larger amount than you were prepared for, and you should not attempt to go it alone. The sums involved could cause you to make incorrect assumptions. If you don't understand something -- even something small -- seek out professional advice. These are murky waters, and you definitely don't want to get in over your head.

Hmmm.

When I went to the movies with a friend from work last week, she told me a story about a lottery ticket. She had won a bit on a ticket and cashed it in. Then on her way home she stopped and bought another ticket - a lottery ticket that cost $20. And won big. Big enough where she had to go to the lottery office to claim her winnings. (Not like thousands, but several hundred dollars!) Her sister, upon learning of her luck, bought her own $20 ticket. No winner.

So as my husband and I were doing our grocery shopping today, I thought about buying one of those $20 tickets. Maybe that's what my horoscope meant - that I'd win big and need a financial adviser! Unfortunately I chickened out and didn't buy one.

Then I thought maybe it had to do with work. You'll be tasked with managing a far larger amount than you were prepared for. My new job will involve managing larger sums of money than I've managed before. And since I got the word yesterday about when my first day of work will be, and knowing that one of the first tasks will be some budget revisions, maybe my horoscope was wanting me to think ahead.

Or...

They say lightning doesn't strike twice in the same spot. (Which isn't true, but it's what "they" say.) We're planning on going to the casino this coming week. Maybe lightning will strike like it did for us when we walked out of the casino with $1500 on Day 22-Day 23.

And today's picture? Early morning lightning out my front window.

And a few bonus guest pictures!

Ruth sent in these pictures of butterflies on her purple coneflowers. 

Thanks for sharing, Ruth!

Day 135 of 365

Have I ever mentioned I like to organize? (Yeah, probably a dozen or so times now.)

I got all ten packages of batting from yesterday tucked away, my fabrics purchased earlier this week are nice and neatly organized, but my scrap baskets are overflowing.

I already used a bunch of the scraps to make blocks like those on Day  104. I even gave away some of my red blocks since I made too many for the quilts I was working on.

The turtle pillows I cut this week - all 23 of them - left lots of scraps. Lots and lots of them. In all colors and shapes and sizes. I've seen pictures on the internet how most people store their scraps in bins. But I need mine tidier and neater and easier to find. I already had plenty of scraps wrapped on those cut down comic book boards, all organized my color in a couple baskets, but I was running out of room for any more baskets.

I thought about how I had some extra boxes and some leftover contact paper from when I was teaching. I decided to cut up the boxes to fit perfectly on my shelves. Wrap them in contact paper. Cut the comic book boards down even smaller to fit in the boxes.

If anyone needs any fabric scraps, you know where to shop!

Exercise update: 89 consecutive days with a little over 22 miles on the bike this week.

Day 134 of 365

Today's schedule:

Get new drivers license. Return chair mat to Staples. Get gas. Take hubby to doctor. Go to my own rheumatologist appointment. Blood work at lab. Go visit daughter. Go with daughter to look at new apartment. Take keys back to property management office. Go to lunch. Go back to property management office so husband can get glasses he dropped there. Go to JoAnn's fabric store to get big early birthday present. Go to Target for hubby and daughter to birthday shop. Take daughter back to her place. Drive in rush hour traffic. Get groceries. Get prescription at drugstore. Get buy one get one free frozen strawberry lemonade at McDonalds. Come home and ride the exercise bike.

Never did make it to the grocery store or drug store. I was too tuckered out after the full day we had.

But a couple highlights today are worth writing about. First, if you haven't tried McDonald's frozen strawberry lemonade you're missing out. I'm not one who ever gets brain freezes (I don't even know what one of those feels like) but I get throat freezes. Tart and ice cold.

And at the fabric store - my birthday is coming up and my husband knows a fabric store is a good place to shop for a present. He headed to the sewing machine section to look for me a new one, but I headed in a different part of the store. As much as a new machine would be nice, it's not necessary.

What is necessary is quilt batting for my future charity baby quilts. 10 packs of batting is much more appreciated by me than a new sewing machine right now.

I almost arranged the packages with the labels all facing the same way like I do my cans (I wrote about that on Day 131), but decided I was going to be a rebel.

Day 133 of 365

I discovered ebay a few years back.

Not as a buyer, but as a seller. I had a pair of concert tickets a few rows from the stage for George Strait. But as the date got closer, we found out we had a dilemma. It was senior night for girls basketball and our daughter was a senior. George Strait or daughter. We picked the daughter, of course!

Being that the concert was sold out, I knew I had something good on my hands. I had heard about people selling tickets on ebay, but hadn't ever been on the site and didn't know anything about it. After doing some research it appeared that I might not only get my money back for the tickets but make some profit, too.

So the tickets went up for auction. The person who won the tickets e-mailed me after the concert and said the tickets were amazing and George Strait came through their aisle and shook their hands. In the end I made a $200 profit on the tickets and got to see my daughter being honored on senior night.

Then about a year ago I heard about a way to wrap fabric nice and neat. I could either buy some corrugated type white boards (expensive) or use comic book boards.

I used to read some comic books when I was a kid (mostly Richy Rich - boy, what I would have given to live that life!), but had no idea what a comic book board was. It's a piece of thick cardstock-like paper that collectors use to help maintain the shape of the comic book. I guess you can purchase them at comic books stores, but since I don't typically hang out there - or even know where one is - I headed to ebay for my boards.

After some patient searching and waiting, I found someone getting rid of used boards. 500 of them. For a doggone descent price. 500 boards? Never would I ever need 500, but what the heck?

Unfortunately as I began to wrap all my fabric and then cut some of the boards for my smaller pieces of fabric, it became apparent that I had plenty of fabric to fill those boards.

Until today. Up until today, all of my boards had been filled with fabric.

Today I finished cutting the fabric for 22 more turtle pillows (like the one yesterday). Lots of empty comic book boards now.

Then the mail arrived. Another cheap ebay purchase. Sometimes you don't know exactly what you're going to get when you order from there, but today's fabrics filled my 5 foot table. Looks to be close to 30 yards of high quality fabric. So much I couldn't hardly get it all in the picture.

No more empty comic book boards anymore.

Day 132 of 365

It's turtle time!

My house is clean (shiny in some spots even). My roses have been clipped and my gardens are just about weeded.

I get to play with fabric again. And this time I'm making turtles. For charity.

Some day I may actually make something for myself, but not yet. My new charity project will benefit kids at a Hole in the Wall Camp.

Paul Newman started Hole in the Wall Camps for children with life-threatening conditions back in 1988. One of those camps in California, The Painted Turtle, sends each child home with a lap quilt and a turtle pillow. I've made enough quilts for a little bit, so I'm tackling turtles now.

The turtle pillows are quite large - about two and a half feet long. And I'm making bunches of them. I don't have to stuff them (the organization does that), but I get to use up some of my excess fabric to make them.

My first one was finished today, but I'm working on cutting enough fabric for at least 20 or so more.

It's kinda cute even without its stuffing. One down and many more to go.

Day 131 of 365

I'm a stockpiler. Have been ever since I can remember. I love the look of neatly stocked shelves (the labels always have to face out), and I especially love a good deal.

I haven't been stockpiling much this spring, but last summer when I was couponing a lot, I did some major stocking up. If I could get one can of shaving cream for 25 cents, why not go ahead and buy five at that price? I'm lucky we have plenty of storage in the house! Doing the big stockup on many items saved us this year - with me not bringing in any income, it's been nice being able to keep our grocery costs down. We still have plenty of soap, paper towels, cleaning products, shaving cream, toothpaste, and deodorant to last us another year.

Frozen foods and canned goods are another story. Our freezer is just about empty and our canned food shelves are looking bare. Last year we had stocked up so much on canned goods that I made racks to hold some of them. (I used the directions here, but painted mine.) So as soon as another bargain comes along, I'll be taking advantage of it. I like having my own grocery store in the basement.

Like my fabric store in my sewing room closet. Even though it's nicely stocked, if a bargain comes along, I can't resist.

It's not like I don't have enough already. (The picture from Day 57 can confirm that.) As many quilts as I send out the door and fabric and quilt tops I give away, it still isn't dwindling. I have a big project I'm about to get started on that will use some of the yardage up, but that won't keep me from buying.

Just this week (on ebay of course) I found a gal offering 5" and 6" squares of fabric, already cut, in some interesting patterns. So I pulled the trigger and spent five whole dollars. Such a bargain. I have a few more dollars of squares coming in the next few days, but my five dollars worth arrived today. Over 200 squares, just perfect for baby and kids quilts.

Someday maybe I'll even get back to grown up quilts. Probably not anytime soon, though.

Day 130 of 365

I wake up every morning with hope.

Hope that my body can get out of bed, get dressed, and eat breakfast without having to take 3 hours to do it.

Hope that I have the stamina to do what I have planned for the day.

Hope that my pain is less than the day before.

Hope that my fatigue is not as great.

Hope that I have a positive attitude through it all.

In the last week I've sent out 5 charity baby quilts. Scrubbed the kitchen clean. Mopped and vacuumed. Pruned up the roses in the rose garden. Went grocery shopping. Had a dentist appointment. Went to the movies. Cleaned and organized the sewing room. Washed windows. Exercised every day. And just today cleaned and organized the den.

I've done more in the last week than I have done in a long time. The combination of all the work has taken a toll on me.

Each day has been a bigger struggle than the day before. Each day I've had to force myself to get out of bed and dressed. Force myself to do my self-assigned task for the day. Force myself to exercise. Force myself to keep going. And even force myself to write and take the picture of the day.

It was tough. Probably the toughest week I've had in a quite a while.

The thing about rheumatoid arthritis is that it makes you feel like you have the kind of flu with the body aches and fatigue, but all the time. Then add in the side effects from my medications. Then add in the back issues. Add in no pain medication. Try and accomplish physical things during the day - cleaning, washing, gardening? It's enough to make someone start popping those pain pills again.

But I didn't. And I won't. Because that's a short term solution.

I want a long term solution. A solution that will let me work in the garden, clean my house, and even get myself dressed without pain. A solution that will allow me the energy to get back to work.

A solution that will help me meet the goal I set when I first started the blog - the hope that I will be back into the land of the living instead of the land of the existing.

This week was proof that I'm not even close.

I'm having to dig down deep to keep a positive attitude about it. I need to be thankful I can get out of bed and get myself dressed (even if it takes 3 hours). I need to be thankful I can wash my windows, mop my floor, exercise, and prune roses, even if it keeps me in pain and takes every bit of oomph I have. And I need to be thankful I can get outside and enjoy my beautiful flowers.

This one just opened today - some type of huge lily. An Asiatic one maybe?

Day 129 of 365

I had to wash my windows today.

There have been so many missed picture taking opportunities lately because I've had dirty windows. It seems like each time I sit down to type, a new bird shows up in the tree out the window. Whether it's a hummingbird, or another yellow bird like on Day 81, or the pair from Day 83, a woodpecker who has been appearing lately, or a new gorgeous orange and yellow bird, I keep missing them because of my dirty windows.

Remember the squirrel from the picture on Day 89? The one that turned on me on Day 101? If I had clean windows I could have captured a picture of mama hummingbird attacking that squirrel. The squirrel was frozen as mama hummingbird buzzed, and buzzed, and buzzed him. Haven't seen that squirrel much since. But what a picture that would have made!

Clean shiny windows and a camera just waiting to snap a picture is a good recipe for the picture of the day. Although my windows are beautiful, nothing has shown up outside them today.

Since I'm not working in my sewing room until my house is spotless (it's getting there), it's back to my gardens for the picture.

Our wildflower bed turned perennial garden looks like it's turned into a den of daisies instead.

Day 128 of 365

Today was a day full of highlights. I thought about ranking them, but I don't know which one is the best!

Worked outside in the garden a bit.

Had no sugar today.

Rode a little over 21 miles on the exercise bike this week.

In the past six weeks, I've biked a tad over 108 miles.

Today was the 82nd consecutive day of exercising.

And two new things in the picture department today - my pic of the day is a video and I have a guest picture, too.

Jenn sent this picture from her cell phone of ducks, geese, and birds in the park. Canadian geese, mallard ducks, a seagull, and an Aflac duck. Can't get much more diverse than that.

I

And for the first time, a video for my picture of the day. I took a still picture of it, but the video is so much better. That's our baby hummingbird sitting all by herself in the nest, but not for long. Take a look at what happens next.

Day 127 of 365

When I leave the house during the day, I try and cram as much into one day as possible.

It goes back to when I was working and my daughter was still at home. Since my husband and I had a couple months off in the summer, we would coordinate all our yearly checkups. The three of us have had back to back eye appointments and dentist appointments. We'd make sure his other two yearly checkups he had coordinated with my others. By doing this, we'd get 10-12 appointments done in two days. Two full days of appointments instead of two full weeks of appointments. Squeaking out the most of the summer is important!

Today was one of those appointment days with the two of us having back to back dentist appointments. Then in the afternoon I got to the movies with a couple friends from work.

Since I was going two different places, I decided I might as well add the physical therapist office in there as a stop and make everyone a batch of decorated sugar cookies.

The internal conversation I had with myself over making these cookies was deafening. 

"I'll make beehive and bumblebee cookies and ladybug cookies."

"No, better skip it. I might eat them."

"No, I'm doing okay with sugar, it'll be alright. But I'll make flowerpot ones I saw the other day."

"I'll make two batches, enough for everyone."

"If I make two batches, I might have leftovers and will wind up eating them."

"No I won't. I made Oatmeal Cookies back on Day 109 and didn't have a problem."

"Yeah, but that was Day 109."

"Can I guarantee that I won't eat any sugar cookies?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No."

After 2 days of going back and forth, my willpower overpowered my cookie making/eating urge. So no cookies for anyone because I can't trust cookies. (I really mean I can't trust me.)

As much as I'd like to write that, at the end of this day, after struggling for days on the cookie issue, I have control over the sweets issue, I can't.

For after the movies, I picked up dinner for my husband. And I ordered ice cream with candies mixed in. Not because I wanted it, but because it was such a habit to order. And as much as I wish I could write that after ordering it I realized my mistake, I did not. I ate that ice cream and candy concoction on the way home. Only upon almost finishing it did I realize what I was doing. I was eating something that I have been trying to fend off. Something I didn't even want.

I know better. But I wasn't thinking. My habit got the best of me.

At least I can end the day now knowing that my control over sweets is easier maintained at home. Baby steps, I guess.

Am I the only one who has these struggles?

Thank goodness I have some baby strawberries coming on. No sugar needed there.

Day 126 of 365

I used to be a perfectionist. Or at least tried to be. A place for everything and everything in its place. But I'm finding more and more I don't care about that as much.

It's like before our daughter was born. Long before hand sanitizers, I was a clean hands freak. I would wash my hands - with soap - all the time. Multiple times a day. Even when they weren't dirty. Before we moved into rental apartments, I'd wash down every single surface. Even if the walls were clean, I'd still wash them down. Heaven forbid I'd ever touch a wall that someone else had touched.

But after the kiddo came around, there was less and less time to be so particular. I still washed my hands with soap quite a bit, but not like before (except I do use more soap than anyone else in the house). And nowadays, the moment I get in the car from being out shopping or out to eat, or really anywhere I might be where I could have touched something that someone else might have touched, the hand sanitizer is the first thing I grab. Thank goodness for those small bottles I can keep in the car. (The Bath and Body Works fragrant ones are the best!)

Trying to work on my house being deep cleaned (although not perfectly) and using hand sanitizers every time I leave the house, yet having fabric scraps all around my sewing room and drooping dead roses in the garden and not having a mopped kitchen floor - it didn't make sense. So I had to rectify that.

At the end of the day today, I'll feel better than yesterday. (Although I don't feel great about having to give myself a shot tonight.)

Kitchen floor mopped. Check.
Roses pruned. Check.
Sewing room cleaned. Check.

My fabric closet is back to where it was on Day 57  and the rest of the room is finally back to normal as well.

Day 125 of 365

Usually when I sit down to type the blog, I already have an idea of what I want to write about. Today I had an idea of what I was going to write about but it didn't happen.

I had planned on writing about how productive I was these last couple days. I was hoping to report that I had mopped my kitchen floor, cleaned up the sewing room, and pruned all the roses.

No such luck.

Did I mop the kitchen? Nope. Get the sewing room clean? I started on it. Get all the roses pruned? Some of them. Get groceries? Yep. Do my exercising? Yep. Eat healthy? Not so much.

My husband went grocery shopping with me today. Which meant we had to go out to eat. (Take the hubby to help, gotta feed him.) We stopped somewhere we never go - Dairy Queen. A cheeseburger, fries, diet soda (with caffeine) and a chocolate covered strawberry waffle bowl dessert has left me feeling icky. Too much salt, too much sugar, too much caffeine. Glad to know my body doesn't like those things anymore! A few miles on the bike helped me feel a bit better,  but the work I planned on doing when we got home didn't happen.

As much as I wished I could report that my rose garden is all nice and tidy, it's not going to happen today. I've been working on it slowly for the last couple days and can't even make a dent in it.

Although I probably could leave it where it stands now and no one would be the wiser...

Day 124 of 365

I like where we live.

When we first saw this house on one of the listings our real estate agent gave us, we passed it over because it was two levels. Even back 12-13 years ago, I was having problems with my knees and wasn't looking to live somewhere with stairs. But she encouraged us to take a look anyway. The owners had just finished the basement, it was in a nice neighborhood, and you could see the river.

On a rainy day in the spring, we took a drive to look at the house. It had carpeted non-steep stairs to the beautifully finished basement. It had a big backyard with nice shade trees, a couple of places for a garden, and a view of the Snake River from the kitchen, dining room, and living room.

We bought it.

We had been living in the country for many years. We were used to the open spaces and the quiet. The down side to living in the country was being since my husband doesn't drive, I would have to chauffeur him back and forth to his school. For several years we lived 10 miles from his work. I'd take him the 10 miles to work, turn around and backtrack to go 15 more miles my work. Then at the end of the day, I'd have to do the same. At that time he was also coaching sports, so I'd be making runs at 10:30 at night to get him after basketball and football games. Some of those late night drives were in blinding snowstorms. Thank goodness those days are long behind us!

This house we live in now is in a town of fewer than 900 people, and is less than a mile from his work. The librarian from his school lives across the street and gives my husband a ride to school every morning. We're close enough that he'll walk home in the afternoons if the weather is cooperating. Most all the folks in our neighborhood are retired. We get the benefit of city water, sewer, and trash.

But I think I appreciate this place more on the 4th of July than any other day.

Our town has a very nice fireworks show that is launched from the park by the river. So on the 4th of July celebration night (the 3rd of July this year) we don't even have to leave the yard. No crowds, no parking worries, no hauling chairs. (The only hauling of chairs we do is when we bring the chairs from the back patio to the front yard.) Two chairs, one bottle of mosquito spray, and a blanket is all we need to enjoy the fireworks from our front  yard.

And the camera.

Happy 4th of July to all!

Day 123 of 365

Laundry, kitchen cleaning, and roses was how I planned on keeping myself busy today.

In addition to our laundry I had to wash the kids' quilts before they are mailed. They're all nice and fresh, packed up and ready to go out the door on Tuesday. Boy, I love my clothesline!

In line with upping my cleaning time, I focused on the kitchen today. Wiped down all the counters and cabinet and drawer facings. I vacuumed rugs, shined the sink, and cleaned the vents in the refrigerator. I polished up the stove and microwave and cleaned the drawer under the oven. Still have the mopping to do, but otherwise the kitchen is back to its shiny self. It was quite a long cleaning session, especially when I tried to sit down to do some of the work. I looked dorky rolling myself around the room in the office chair. A back saver, but a dork creator!

I planned to work in the roses, too. I took a quick look around to see what needed to be done and realized they were looking a little rough. The storm we had Day 119 night knocked those climbing roses from Day 117's picture off the trellis and I hadn't stopped to retrain them. They weren't the only roses that had fallen over. I have one bush that looks like it might have been split in two and lots and lots of blooms around the garden that are damaged. The rose garden is going to be an even bigger project than the kitchen, so I'll be saving it for another day. Maybe tomorrow.

My Melody Parfumee roses aren't looking too bad, though.

Day 122 of 365

I really am not interested in taking a break from making the baby quilts for charity. I do enjoy it quite a bit. There are a couple other sewing projects I want to work on, too. I'm not sure I'll be doing any more quilts or those other projects anytime soon.

There's a little problem with the gardens and the house.

The garden problem is an obvious one. We had to let the high school kid we hired to help us around the yard go and our daughter hasn't been home much. My husband doesn't like a schedule or responsibilities in the summer and with my back (and other body parts) being on the fritz, it's getting difficult to keep up with the weeds and the rose pruning. But the gardens are in desperate need of some attention so I'm going to have to spend more time out there when I can.

The house is just as big a problem.

I've really slacked on the cleaning. I'm not a clutter person, so it's not like there are dishes in the sink or clothes or books or magazines all around. It's the cleaning part. The mopping, the scrubbing the toilets and sinks, the vacuuming, the washing of the windows. Physically it's been tough to do those things for quite some time. And again, our daughter hasn't been around much to help out. When I was working we used to have a cleaning lady come once a week, but that was because we just didn't have much time to clean. But now it's not about the time, it's about the ability to do the work. And having the cleaning lady come back wouldn't make good financial sense.

So now the gardens and the housecleaning need to take priority over the sewing. It's a priority I'm not sure I can maintain. I already tried giving up the sewing on Day 80 and that time it only lasted until Day 96. We'll see how long it lasts this time.

I will certainly miss my time in the sewing room and miss turning out quilt after quilt. I finally finished up the last of my charity baby quilts to send out to Quilts for Kids today. I'll be sending off five quilts to them. I made two from my own fabrics on Day 101 and Day 107 and three from their free fabric kits on Day 120, Day 121, and today.

Day 121 of 365

I came oh-so-close to giving up yesterday.

After that darn pain clinic appointment I was tempted to stop by and pick up something really greasy and salty for dinner like Carl's Jr.

But I didn't.

When I got home I was tempted to make something really big and unhealthy for dinner.

But I didn't.

I was very tempted to make a batch of cookies and eat my heart out.

But I didn't.

I was tempted to give up the bike riding for the day and break my consecutive days of riding record.

But I didn't.

Instead, I
*rode the bike.
*went into my sewing room and got to work finishing up yesterday's quilt.
*started on another baby quilt.
*boxed up some fabrics to give away to a lady in Minnesota who makes lap quilts and wheelchair and walker bags for veterans.

And today, I
*mailed that box of fabrics.
*rode my bike - a little over 20 miles total for the week. My exercise streak is now up to 75 consecutive days!
*finished another quilt.

Day 120 of 365

I understand that if my prescription runs out early for any reason my provider will not prescribe extra medication for me. I will have to wait until the next prescription is due, even if this means my going through withdrawals. I also understand that going through withdrawals is uncomfortable, but not life threatening.


I also understand that prescriptions will not be changed without me returning the rest of my original prescription to the office for identification, counting, and disposal.


I agree to periodic unscheduled drug screens regardless as to whether or not it is covered by my insurance.


I understand that I may become dependent on opioid medications, which in a small number of patients may lead to addiction. If addiction occurs, the medication will be discontinued and I will be referred to a drug treatment program for help.

Just a few of the things I had to sign off on today when I made my first visit to the pain clinic.

The previous doctor had declared I had reached "maximum medical improvement" and that I'd be on pain meds the rest of my life. A while back I took myself off all pain meds and don't want to go back to the meds (or that doctor). I was hopeful a specialty clinic might have some options for me. As I found out today, the options for a chronic back condition like mine are limited. Physical therapy. (Already done that for almost a year for the back.) Injections in the spine. (No thank you, not again.) Why am I not surprised - especially after having to sign off on a list of 20 different drug-related understandings before I could see the doctor - that the best option might be pain medication? (Please, no.)

I have some thinking to do, the doctor has an MRI to check out, and then I may have to make a choice soon. Or, since I'm not happy with the options, refrain from making any choice.

In other sucky news, I was weighed today and have lost a total of one (yes, only 1) pound since Day 83. I don't eat sugar anymore, I've cut down on my portion sizes and cut out snacks, and I ride the exercise bike each and every day and have lost a total of one whole pound. I haven't researched whether weight gain is a side effect of some of my medications, but it has to be. How can someone work so hard for so little?

In non-sucky news, I finished another baby quilt.

Day 119 of 365

I need to give myself a break. Talking about this "confidence" issue I'm thinking it might not be a confidence issue after all.

My mom called after she read yesterday's blog and was concerned that I might be having a panic attack. Not even close. The way I felt about going away to the casino by myself is the same thing I feel about going to the grocery store, the doctor's office, and even going up the stairs at school.

They're all energy-drainers.

Packing and upacking. Pumping gas. Getting changed into a swimsuit and walking to the pool at the hotel. Having to load a grocery cart, unload the cart onto the belt, load the groceries in the car, bring them up the stairs into the kitchen and putting them away. Having to drive 30 miles to the doctor then having to go to the lab for tests.

I have to talk myself into just about anything that involves leaving the house.

As I was talking to my mom about the whole I can't figure out why I came home right away thing, I realized I'm just tired. I'm always tired. Not sleepy tired, but fatigue tired. Always. With my medical issues and the medications I'm taking it's to be expected.

If it is fatigue, is that an excuse not to leave the house? I don't know if I'd rather be in a constant state of fatigue or be lacking confidence.

I think that's why I turn to quilting so much. It's something I can do that doesn't wear me out as much. I can do it quietly, slowly, and at my own pace.

And why I keep taking pictures. Another lightning storm last night.

Day 118 of 365

My bravery didn't last long.

I left yesterday afternoon to go to Jackpot (yep, that's the name of the town) and gamble a bit. By myself. I had a comped room for two nights and all my meals comped for three days. I had $70 in free slot play. The outdoor pool was open and I brought my swimsuit.

Except that I came back home this morning. I played on the free play money, ate one meal, and spent one night in the hotel. My swimsuit never made it out of the suitcase. I had cash that never made it out of my wallet.

I don't know what's up. Back to the confidence again. Of all the things I'm confident about, traveling is certainly at the top of the list. When I was consulting and training I had no problems hopping on a plane and flying off somewhere or driving half way across the state on my own. Not anymore.

It makes me sad. Not mad, not frustrated. Just sad.

I guess I'm not moving forward as much as I thought I was. It's going to take a million more trips before I'll get back to myself. Trips, as of now, I really don't want to take. Becoming a hermit would be a more comfortable option right now. But I know that's not what's best for me.

I should probably use the lyrics from the song Fame for my mantra:

Fame
I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly
High 

I just so happen to have a Fame rose in bloom right now. Maybe the universe thinks I need a nudge.

Day 117 of 365

Taking pain medication changes who you are. Being in pain and not taking pain medication changes who you are. It's a no-win situation.

Over the past couple years things have been miserable. Horrible. Terrible. Like that children's book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Nothing goes right in his day and he says he's going to move to Australia.

Debbie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Couple of Years.

I went to the doctor and he said I have rheumatoid arthritis and I'll have to take these pills. They'll make you sick because they're chemotherapy pills. Then I went back again and he said I have to take a shot. And I have to give it to myself. And then the pills aren't working so time to start giving yourself another shot every week.

I hurt my back and went to another doctor and he said take these pain pills. Then he told me to take more. And then more. He said it would get better. So I take the pills and try and go to work and get sick and then I have to substitute and then my back hurts more and then I get sicker. Then the doctor says let's give you six shots in your spine. Sorry, but the needle will be five inches long. And sorry, we don't sedate people here so it's going to hurt. And it did. And now I can't work at all.

Then my knee hurts and I have to use a cane. The doctor says it's time to get a new knee, but you're too young, but it looks too bad to wait any longer. Then I wake up from surgery and the doctor had to do a more invasive surgery because the damage was so bad. One of the worst knees he's ever seen. So then I have to learn how to climb up the stairs to get in my house with a walker. And then I have to take even more pain pills.

Then my tooth hurt and I went to the dentist and it took three days of work to get the root canal finished. Oops, they didn't get it all and I have to go to an oral surgeon to finish the job.

Dropped a can on my finger and broke it.

Can't work, in pain, still on pain pills, and decide to take some time off work.

Then I hurt my shoulder and had to have surgery. In a sling for a few months and can't drive and have to sleep in a recliner. Then hurt my other shoulder. Another surgery. In a sling, no driving, no bed again.

Actually the first chapter of the book should be called The Destruction of Deb.

No confidence, no hope, no life left in me.

But chapter two of the book should be called The Reconstruction of Deb.

I wish I was who I used to be in some ways, but not others. I miss my confidence. It was one of those things that defined me most. I lost it somewhere along the way, either because of the pain, the surgeries, or the pain medication.

I'm still looking to get it back. I was hoping it would appear yesterday. My husband is out of town and I was contemplating going to the casino for the night. But it's a three hour drive, a drive I've made many times by myself while visiting my daughter at a college not too far from the casino town. But a drive I'm not comfortable making by myself now. So I resigned myself to staying home and working on quilts and do some clipping of roses.

But today I am brave enough to go by myself, so I will. Like my climbing rose on the shed, my growth is slow but it is there.

Day 116 of 365

I realized the other day that I never went into our rose garden last year.

I'd had the knee replacement surgery in March and the rotator cuff surgery in July. I couldn't walk steadily, I couldn't use but one arm, and I couldn't bend over because of my back.

While this year I'm spending more time out there than last, it's still not even close to what I used to do. I used to go in there every day, bring in fresh roses every day, weed every day, and prune every day.

Now I'm lucky if I get there once a week. I now can go out there and sit thanks to the bench my daughter helped put together this past week. But work? Not so much.

This is the time that the roses are really taking off. Hybrid tea roses. Floribunda roses. English roses. Hedge roses. Climbing roses. They're all on their way to being spectacular.

Even the vegetable garden isn't doing too bad. Quite a bit different than on Day 64.

Day 115 of 365

I originally started quilting because of my Great Grandmother. Actually, more because of what my Mom said.

I didn't grow up learning how to quilt. My grandmother quilted in the winter in front of her dining room window, but I was in school all day and didn't ever really watch her. My Mom didn't quilt so I didn't quilt.

But several years back my Mom gave me some quilt blocks. Some quilt blocks that my Great Grandma Hudson had stitched by hand many, many, years ago. Probably even before I was born.

My Mom gave me the quilt blocks only if I would make something out of them. With the promise that I wouldn't give them away.

The quilt blocks sat year after year, just waiting for me to do something with them. Such old fabric, such handcrafted stitching in the hands of such an inexperienced quilter. I didn't have all that much experience sewing, either, so I decided I needed some skills before I risked doing anything with the blocks. I stopped the crocheting, the embroidery, the cross stitching, the candlewicking and started the quilting.

I've made wall quilts, lap quilts, baby quilts. You'd think with all the quilts I've made I'd be comfortable tackling those blocks by now. You'd think with all the quilts I've made I'd be hanging out in quilt shops.You'd think with all the quilts I've made I'd be going to quilt shows all the time.

Nope on all three counts. The blocks are still sitting there, I've only been in a quilt shop a couple times in my lifetime and only when we've been on vacation, and I've only been to one quilt show ever.

One of those things changed today.

Boise is having a quilt show today and tomorrow. My daughter took the day off today and we spent the day perusing (and photographing) the gorgeous quilts. Quilts more perfect than anything I'll ever make. I put the some of the pictures here.

So many to choose from for my picture of the day, but this one struck my fancy the most.

Day 114 of 365

Two things new and exciting happened today. I got to go out to lunch and we have a baby!

I never go out to lunch. My husband and I mostly go out to dinner only on special occasions and only with each other or our daughter. But today I got to go to lunch with someone I used to (and will again) work with.

We used to have lunch all over the place. We both started new jobs at the same time and these new jobs required lots of training. We've eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner together in:

• San Francisco
• New Orleans
• Philadelphia
• Hartford, Connecticut
• Birmingham, Alabama
• Anaheim, California
• Portland and Eugene, Oregon
• a few cities around Idaho
• and a few more places I'm sure I've forgotten about

So it was nice to see her again and catch up - even if we only ate lunch in Boise. A day out - in a restaurant - with another adult who is not my husband - was a nice way to spend a Friday. (Maybe not so much for her since I talked her ear off!)

The other excitement of the day is about a baby.

Yesterday I noticed momma hummingbird (from Day 91) wasn't acting the same. Every day I go sit on the patio and every day she's usually sitting on her nest. Sometimes she'll leave for a few minutes, come back, buzz near her nest, then settle back in.

But yesterday as I was sitting quietly on the patio she left for a few minutes, came back, buzzed near her nest, buzzed me (she's never buzzed me ever), buzzed near her nest again, then sat on the edge of her nest. And poked her beak down into her nest. Each time she came back to the nest she followed the same routine, including the buzzing me part.

Since our daughter was home we had her help us finish up the to-do list from Day 70. One of the last things on the list was to cut the branches back from the roof. We had her up there with the loppers and made sure she was ever-so-careful around the hummingbird nest.

From her roof view, she was able to take a look down in the nest and find a teeny tiny egg and a teeny tiny baby!

Exercise update: 68 days in a row. A little over 18 miles on the bike this week.

Day 113 of 365

My insomnia finally paid off.

Last night was the hottest day of the year so far - over 90 degrees. My husband was tired (and full) from his big shrimp feast at Red Lobster and went to bed early. It was quiet (and hot) in the house, so my daughter and I went and sat on the back patio under the shade tree. At this time of year it's light outside past 10:00, so we stayed there for quite a while. As we sat there talking and talking, a storm started rolling in. We sat out even longer watching the lightning.

My daughter loves storms, particularly thunderstorms. I don't like thunderstorms all that much. But since I was a kid reading my grandparent's National Geographic, I have always been amazed at pictures of lightning. Amazed that someone could push the button at the exact second the lightning flashes and have all these amazing branches of lightning appear. (I now know that's not how taking pictures of lightning works.)

As the storm was getting closer, I was telling her that someday I wanted to take pictures of lightning with my new camera. (Not all that new - I bought it way back on Day 13.) This camera has a setting for the night sky where the shutter speed is adjusted to keep it open longer, and I wanted to try it.

Not today, but someday I told her.

I had my camera with me out there, just in case, but it didn't happen. Just couldn't get it timed right. By then the storm was upon us and we headed inside. My daughter suggested we park ourselves in front of our big picture window in the living room and watch for any lightning on the other side of the house.

So we did. And I got my tripod out and aimed the camera across the river. And we sat there, pushing the button to capture a 15 second shot.

We booed when our timing was off. We cheered when we thought we might get something good.

We high fived on this one.

Day 112 of 365

We skipped Father's Day on Sunday because my daughter was working and wasn't able to come home. But she's home today and it's time to celebrate.

The original plan was to make him an Italian feast of a dinner (not really - just spaghetti, salad and bread, since I'm not a chef). Plans changed so the celebration actually started this afternoon when he got to go somewhere we've only been probably twice or so in our lifetime.

Red Lobster.

He's a huge seafood fan and we rarely go out for seafood. We rarely cook it at home, either. (Again, I'm not a chef.)

He did get part of his Italian feast, but not at Red Lobster. He got a spaghetti and meatballs cake, homemade by me. Based somewhat on the recipe from Food Network Magazine.

A real cake that just looks like spaghetti and meatballs.  Made with:

• a boxed chocolate cake mix
• frosted with homemade buttercream frosting
• buttercream frosting tinted with buttercup yellow food coloring, piped on to resemble noodles
• chocolate cake balls  - crumbled chocolate cake with enough frosting to hold it together - for the meatballs
• strawberry jam with a bit of red food coloring for the pasta sauce, and
• finely shredded white chocolate pieces for the Parmesan cheese

I may not be a chef, but maybe I could be a pastry chef?

Day 111 of 365

When I was at school yesterday, I was telling the secretary my wrists and hands were swollen and achy.

With the rheumatoid arthritis it happens when I do one thing too long. The repetitive work is what gets to me. Especially in the wrists, hands, and fingers.

Too much typing. Too much hand sewing. Too much pruning. Too much cookie or cake decorating. Too much scrubbing. Even just a little crocheting will give me several days of pain.

None of those are the cause of my problem this week.

The reason I have numb, swollen, achy wrists, fingers, and hands this week is because of babies.

Baby quilt tops, that is.

Back on Day 104 I made some quilt blocks from my scraps (crumbs). Back on Day 105 my new quilt kits from Quilts for Kids came in the mail. And on Day 107 I finished the blue crumb quilt.

And here on Day 111, I have finished those three quilt tops from the kits on Day 105. Oh, and something else - I made two more sets of blocks out of my crumbs. A set of pink baby girl blocks and a set of red.

So three quilt tops completed and two sets of blocks completed to put into another couple quilt tops.

Too much fabric being fed through the sewing machine for these ole fingers to handle in such a short time.

But it does look like the cat is going to help me out. Bawling at the back door this morning, I can see she must have spent part of the night in the sewing room.

Day 110 of 365

I did a test drive today. A practice run. A modified day at my new job.

I met with the gal who is vacating the position. We went over many, many, many things. Things to get me up and going, things for me to remember, things for me to do, dates for me to keep. Binders and books for me to read.

Being there and having my brain saturated with information, then having to go grocery shopping, and doing my exercising, and doing some quilting made it a very full day.

A day similar to what a day will be like soon. Except today I was there for only a few hours. Except today I didn't have the responsibility I will have later. (I did make a sack lunch for myself, though.)

Today was a day to try and balance work and home. It was a take one hour at a time kind of day, not a looking to the future day.

I came through it.

Barely.

This not getting to sleep until 3 in the morning is wearing on me. Maybe thinking of these nice puffy clouds I saw on my way home from work will help me get to sleep.

Naw, probably not. I'll probably wind up with, "what the heck was I thinking" - trying to drive and take a picture at the same time? (I did keep my eyes on the road and not the camera screen.)

Day 109 of 365

A strange thing happened. Two things, really.

Number one. Other than my daughter's birthday cake, I finally baked something sweet for the first time in 46 days. Before, no more than 12 days went by without me making something sweet. Just look at my record:

• On Day 2 I made M&M Cookies
• Day 12 I made St. Patrick's Day Sugar Cookies
• Day 19 I made Blueberry Muffins
• Day 25 Caramel Apples
• Day 26 Chocolate Covered Strawberries
• Day 36 Easter Sugar Cookies
• Day 42 Chick Cake Pops
• Day 49 Peeps Sugar Cookies
• Day 50 Apricot White Chocolate Oatmeal Cookies
• Day 62 Carrot Bread
• Day 63 Flower Sugar Cookies
• Day 93 Birthday Cake

But since today is Father's Day and we're not celebrating (we'll celebrate when my daughter comes home later this week), my hubby got to pick out what kind of cookies he wanted.

His choice was Oatmeal Raisin cookies, with some leftover M&Ms from, well, um, Christmas.

But the strangest part of this wasn't the 6 month old M&Ms.

It was the change in me that I noticed when I was making them, taking them out of the oven, and plating them up.

Usually when I make something sweet (honestly, always), I taste (honestly, eat) the raw dough before I put it on the cookie sheet or in the pan. Taste it a few times even. Even though I knew raw eggs were a no-no, nothing would stop me from sampling before it was even cooked. Then, after it came out of the oven, I'd taste again. Many times I've burned my tongue eating a cookie or a muffin that was just out of the oven. But that didn't even stop me. I'd do that again and again. And again when things were cooling, I'd munch some more. And more. And finally, when things were eventually cooled, I'd have more.

I couldn't stop myself. Once I started with the raw dough I had to eat the oh-so-hot cookies. Once I had the hot cookies I had to have the lukewarm cookies. And once I had the lukewarm cookies I had to have the cooled cookies. (It wasn't just cookies, but anything sweet I was making.)

But here's the weird thing that happened with these oatmeal cookies.

I didn't eat any raw dough this time. (First time ever.)

I didn't eat a hot cookie. (First time ever.)

I didn't eat a lukewarm cookie. (First time ever.)

In fact, my husband asked me again and again if I wanted a cookie and I turned him down again and again.

Do I crave one? Do I need one? Nope! The urge to eat sweets - and not just stop at one - is not with me today. Now I can't promise myself I will always feel this way about cookies, or cakes, or muffins or anything sweet, but I feel this way today.

I don't know what's gotten into me but I think it's good.

While the cookies aren't necessarily the best thing I could have taken a picture of, they are the best thing that I didn't do today.

Day 108 of 365

Caffeine is something I try to avoid.

I've never been a coffee drinker. Occasionally I might have a Diet Dr. Pepper or a Diet Coke when I go out somewhere, but only if it's during lunch time. I learned long ago that if I have anything with caffeine during the afternoon or evening it'll keep me from getting to sleep.

But this last week I haven't been able to get to sleep and I haven't had any caffeine. I haven't changed my diet, my exercise routine, my television viewing habits or my computer time. Everything has been exactly the same.

Except that I can't get to sleep until about 3 in the morning.

I lie there in bed, trying to get myself to sleep.  Trying my old standby meditation-type thoughts to calm my mind and body. My mind has been calm even without me trying. I'm not thinking about things that might keep me up. Yes, my body aches, but that's not new either.

So some nights I might get up and watch TV for a few minutes then come back to bed. Other nights I might read or come to the computer for a few minutes. Never for more than a few minutes. Because almost as bad as caffeine is the mental stimulation that television and the computer screen causes.

Despite being up, down, lying still with my eyes closed, I am not getting to sleep. Forcing myself to sleep is not working.

After racking my brain for any change in anything I've done, I might have come up with something.

I've been taking some new medication. Some medication prescribed by the gastroenterologist to help with my stomach issues. I've been taking the medication faithfully twice a day, every day, since my procedure, and I've been faithfully unable to sleep every day since the procedure. Wouldn't you know it, a rare side effect of this medication is insomnia. Hmm.

On my own I decided to stop the medication for a couple days to see if there was a connection between the medicine and my sleep pattern.

I never made it through two days without the medication. The stomach issues returned. Just as bad as before.

I like my sleep, but I like a pain-free stomach even better. I'll stick with the medicine and I'll be searching for things to keep me occupied at night. Things I can do between the hours of 10 PM and 3 AM. Things that will not be noisy or distracting. Things that will keep me from lying wide awake in bed for 5 hours a night.

Unfortunately, going to sleep at 3 doesn't prevent me from getting up for a drink of water at 6.

But the reds, oranges, blues, and whites in the sky at six o'clock this morning were spectacular. The picture doesn't do it justice.

Day 107 of 365

I told my daughter last night that I'm going back to work. Her response was, "Good, mom. You need to get back to work. You know you do."

Then my mom called. She had read about me getting a new job and wanted to know if I was excited about it.

Well, not exactly. Or maybe.

I'm trying not to think about it right now.

For quite some time I've been living day by day. It's the only way I've been able to make it through rough days without pain medication. Every time I sit, or stand, or bend over, or stand up, or bend my knee, or get out of bed, or take a shower, or get dressed, or brush my teeth, or exercise, or ... I hurt. I get tired of it, I get frustrated with it, I get mad about it. The only way I know to make it through each day is to try and keep myself busy with writing, taking pictures, and sewing and quilting for others.

I hope this new job becomes one of those things that keeps me busy and keeps my mind off the pain. But doesn't keep me too busy where I go back to the person I was before. The place where I couldn't cope with the pain because I was too busy working and trying to "be strong". Too busy to put forth the extreme amount of mental effort it took (and still takes) to make it through the day.

So am I excited? Yeah, but not yet. By having trained myself to live this way - and still needing it for my sanity and survival - there isn't much room for looking ahead to the future.

Room for more baby quilts? Yep. Finished the "crumby" one today.

 Exercise update: 61 days in a row.  A little over 17 miles on the bike this week.

Day 106 of 365

Well, I've made a decision.

Actually, I didn't really make the decision. The decision was made by the universe.

I've always believed things work out the way they're supposed to. When things are rough for my daughter I remind her of that. When things are rough for my mom, I remind her. And sometimes I have to remind myself.

The belief that things work out for the best started back before we were married.

The week before our wedding we were shopping at a mall and my husband had a seizure. The mall was closer to his parents' house than ours, so I drove him there. On the way we got a flat tire. A lovely older couple stopped and the gentleman changed our tire for us. After getting to his parents' and then to the hospital, he was referred to another hospital. He had to undergo numerous tests and was prescribed anti-seizure medication the week before our wedding and  I wound up replacing all four tires.

As bad as things were emotionally, physically, and financially during that day and that week I knew it worked out the way it was supposed to. A week later we were on our honeymoon, in the mountains, in a remote cabin without a phone. I kept thinking how much worse things would have been if the seizure had happened while we were there with no way to contact anyone. And how much more difficult it would have been to get down from that mountain with a flat tire. And how much farther the hospital would have been. It worked out for the best.

Last year when I decided to take a year's leave of absence because of the problems with my back, I wasn't confident it was the right decision. Who could have predicted I would need to have two more surgeries after the leave of absence started and would wind up in physical therapy for eight more months? Continuing to work would have been a disaster. The leave of absence worked out.

I knew taking the leave came with risks. Like not having a job to return to. Which is what happened this spring. I found out budget cuts meant there would be no job for me to return to. I was okay with that. I figured the universe was telling me it was best I stay home and recover for a bit longer.

I do love how I spend my time now. And if I had my druthers, I'd continue doing what I'm doing with no changes. I've enjoyed this non-stressful, non-adrenaline, nonchalant, working-on-getting-healthier filled life. But I know in the back of my mind that my time here at home - all day, every day, all by myself - isn't allowing me to live up to my full potential. I know I have some skills that I should be putting to better use.

And it just so happened there was an unexpected resignation in our school district recently. I had contemplated applying for this particular position a few years back. A position that folks I worked with were encouraging me to go for. After careful consideration, I had decided not to pursue it.

Now it was open again. A part-time gig. In the same school district. Not working with kids. More time working on technical writing type things - reports, budgets, grants, meetings. Some flexibility in the days I went in. (Like being able to avoid some of those pesky Thursdays and Fridays I have.) Would get to keep my own office.

If someone analyzed my skills, strengths, and experience and created the perfect job to highlight those things, this job would be it. A position the universe believes is the best for me at this time.

So I have a new job. I'm going back to work.

I'll still have some time off during the summers. Since it's a part-time position, I'll still have time during the school year to work on my 365 days of pictures and blog writing. I'll still continue my exercising and my charity quilts.

My one hope in going back is that I can hold on to the person I've become and be better at my job because of it. I know I'm a different person than I was when I walked out of the school building a year ago. A more whole person. Whether it was having to suffer through pain, or writing every day, or ?, but it has changed me.

So in a couple months the balancing act between home and work will begin.

My balancing act today was between inside and outside, roses and quilts. My Cotillion roses won.

Day 105 of 365

Today was a yay-wow-yum-cool-good-ouch-oh-whew-yes day.

My husband accuses me of making too many comments about things. It could be I picked it up as a teacher being used to kids using words like cool and yesss and awww in the classroom and on the playground. Or it might come from being home all by myself with no one to talk to. There would be no voices heard all day if I didn't say ouch when I got up or oops when I dropped a fork or oh no when the washing machine leaked.

Now that he's home I'm still making those comments. Like today.

My new free fabric kits came for making some more kids quilts. Yay!

I took him to his barber here in our town so he could get a hair cut. She also trimmed an inch or so off my hair. And only charged me $5 for the trim. Wow!

Our video store is right across the street from the barber so we stopped and got soft serve twist ice cream cones before heading back to the house. Yum!

I got an e-mail from Marcie who shared a link (here) for quilts made with baby clothes. So cool!

I received a phone call from my doctor. The biopsy they did of my esophagus last week came back okay. Good!

We also worked in the vegetable garden today. We weeded and I clipped back some of our tomato plants. I sat on a five gallon bucket with lid to clip the tomatoes. In between plants I stood up and my kneecap slipped out of its groove. I've learned when that happens not to force it back into place. Just straighten the knee, bend the knee, straighten the knee, bend the knee, until it goes back. Ouch!

Bending over pulling weeds? Oh, the back!

Getting through my time on the exercise bike with my knee still hurting a bit? Whew!

Seeing what was hiding under all those tomatoes vines? Yesss!

Day 104 of 365

I've always had a hankering for vocabulary.

Although my writing style is informal on this blog, I can be more formal when necessary. It takes me some time, but I can sound like I'm quite intelligent when it comes to the written word.

When I was in high school and took the ACT for college, I scored in the 99th percentile on the English portion of the test. Just fine for getting me out of taking some English classes in college.

When I was working on getting into graduate school a couple years back, I had to take the GRE (Graduate Record Exam). It was an incredibly long and difficult test. I came away with very respectable scores on the verbal section (which included vocabulary). Not bad for being away from college for 15 years.

But this week I learned a new use of a very common word. A word that was not on the GRE.

Crumbs.

Not there are crumbs in the bottom of the toaster. Not don't get crumbs on the floor. More like I have a lot of crumbs left over from the quilts I've made. Crumbs meaning small scraps of fabric. Pieces too small to do much with.

I not only learned what a crumb is this week, but I learned I could do something with them. And boy, am I using them!

I'm making more quilt blocks out of them. From the tutorial here, I've started a blue themed baby boy quilt - another one for the Quilts for Kids organization.

I've been mindlessly running my sewing machine for the last couple days putting these together. The next step will be to do a white (?) border and put them into a quilt top.

And the best part? No more blue scraps filling up my scrap basket. The worst part? Now I'm hooked on making them and have to decide what color to use up next.

Hope to have this crumby one put together soon.

Day 103 of 365

We've always had a thing for roses.

Back when we were in college and had just met, my husband (then boyfriend) was renting a house that had rose bushes out front. Huge rose bushes that had been neglected for many years. We took pruners to them and clipped them low. In the spring they came back with abundance, covered in gorgeous flowers.

After we were married we lived near a park that had a rose garden in it. My husband used to bring me roses from that rose garden. (I think that's called stealing.) Now that rose garden in the park is quite large and has clearly marked signs about taking (stealing) those roses.

When I first started teaching, we moved into a rental where the landlord gave us free reign over the yard. We could dig, plant, tend - whatever we wanted. We put in flowers, a vegetable garden, and a rose garden.  At least we attempted the rose garden. We had spent Spring Break on the Oregon Coast and on the way back made a stop at Jackson and Perkins to buy roses straight from the grower. Despite our best attempt at getting the roses to grow, we failed. At that time we didn't know anything about soil or nutrients, or even how best to water them.

But when we moved into the house we own now, there was a section of the yard that was dirt and weeds. It had a sprinkler system within it and looked like it possibly had been a garden at some point. We didn't know what to do with it so we left it.

By the next year, we decided to make it a flower garden. We dug up the weeds, rototilled it, and mapped out where the beds would go. We purchased landscape timbers for the beds and gravel for the pathways. Over the course of the spring, summer, and fall, a rose garden came into being.

Since then, we've continued to add roses. At one point we had 75 roses in the garden, but after 10 years of Idaho winters, we've lost some of them to the cold. Bugs and diseases have taken some others. But we still have a lot left. Oranges, reds, yellows, whites, peach, pinks, and purples.

It's certainly not like the Lynn Anderson song I Never Promised You a Rose Garden.

Actually, it is exactly like Lynn Anderson. Since Lynn Anderson is the first rose ever planted in our garden. And another one of my favorites.

Day 102 of 365

For me, Sundays aren't what they used to be. They're turning into lazy Sundays.

I used to listen to the radio every Sunday morning. At 9 every Sunday, Casey Kasem's American Top 40, the 70's edition, used to be on the oldies radio station. So I'd get up, read the paper, eat some breakfast, and clip and file coupons all while listening to the 3 hours of music. For years that was my routine.

But several months ago Casey Kasem was moved to Sunday night instead Sunday morning.

Then a couple months back we stopped our newspaper because the carrier just couldn't get the delivery straight. Sometimes we'd get a delivery every day even though our subscription was only a Sunday and holiday one. Some Sundays the paper would be in the driveway, some Sundays it would be in the paper box, some Sundays it would be in both places, and some Sundays we wouldn't get it at all. After six different calls to the newspaper office, we finally decided to stop our delivery.

And no Sunday paper means no coupons. No coupons means an empty coupon binder. But it also means no clipping, filing, and sorting on Sunday. Which actually isn't a bad thing. After couponing since 1984 it's been kind of nice not to be tied to that routine anymore. I still print some coupons from the internet, and one time we went to the store to buy the paper, but now I'm relying on my daughter's leftover coupons to get me through.

So no Casey Kasem, no newspaper, and no coupon clipping has freed up my Sundays.

Except Sundays are becoming "watch NASCAR on TV" days. Before this year I had never watched NASCAR before, but now it's the one and only routine we have on Sundays.

Sundays seem lazier when the most exciting part of the day is watching television.

Being a lazy Sunday, it only makes sense that I take a picture of a lazy cat.

Day 101 of 365

I think I might add squirrels to the list of things that scare me.

Lizards are probably number one. That goes back to when I was a little girl at my Great Grandma and Granddad Hudson's house. There were lots of lizards, darting everywhere. My cousins would run around catching them. Catching them and pulling their tails off. 35 years after that is when I saw my next lizard - in Moab, Utah. I couldn't hardly even look at the thing without getting scared. Keep them away from me, please!

Snakes are number two. I never cared much for snakes. I knew to respect them when we used to go hiking when I was a kid. I learned to make sure your walking stick hits the ground before your feet. It's better they strike at that as opposed to striking your ankles. But another incident is what pushed me over the edge in the snake department.

When my daughter was a baby we were living in a rented mobile home out in the country. We had a mice problem (mice might be considered my number three scary creature). We had traps set all over and caught mice every week. We kept searching for where they were getting in and were always plugging up holes. But we obviously missed one under the cabinets/sink somewhere. Because one day I opened a cabinet under the counter to find a large snake. And snake babies.

My first reaction was a scream. Followed by a call to the landlord who asked me what kind of snake it was. I had no intention of finding out. They sent their grandkids down to take care of the snake problem. These were ranch kids who had seen - and dealt with - plenty of snakes before. They opened the cabinet, but the babies were no where to be found. They did get the big snake from the cabinet.

But not before that snake got out, slithered across the floor, and went under the pantry door.

A sight I will never forget. A sight that, to this day, keeps me as far away from snakes as possible.

But now, a squirrel. As I was headed out to the clothesline today to hang up my newly finished baby quilt, I encountered a squirrel. Running under my feet as I rounded the corner of the house. Which wouldn't have scared me, but that same squirrel jumped right up on the tree trunk. The tree trunk closest to my clothespin bag. And that squirrel parked himself on that tree trunk and stared at me. And wouldn't move. And looked as if he was about to pounce on me. As I tried to get closer to the clothespin bag, he reminded me of the squirrel jumping out of the tree in the movie Christmas Vacation. If you haven't seen the scene, it's here. Notice the look on the squirrel's face as he's ready to jump out of the tree. That's what I saw. Exactly like it. Not nearly as cute to me like he was back on Day 89.

Even after telling the squirrel a couple times that he was scaring me (like he'd listen), he refused to move. Finally, he decided to jump on a higher branch.

That gave me the chance to get my quilt up and my picture taken. Better this picture than a squirrel attack picture.