Saturday, April 30, 2011

Day 59 of 365

Well yesterday was an exciting day with the weather. The snow, then the rain, then the cold wind. Now today it is sunny and cold, but they're predicting 70 degrees by Monday.

70 degrees. From snow on Friday to 70 on Monday. We haven't even had 70 degrees yet this year.

But my snowy tulip picture had its own excitement yesterday. Along with being on the Boise NBC station at noon, it also showed up on the 5:00 News, and the 6:00 News, and the 10:00 News. When I posted the picture I didn't use my name, so in all cases I wasn't credited. But that's even better for me. As I'm looking to get myself out of my what is wrong with me and why doesn't the pain get any better hole, anything I can do and share with others - without receiving credit - works in my favor.

Actually, I've always liked the behind-the-scenes kind of work.

Even though I've taught kids and adults, done trainings for a large textbook company, and done consulting in school districts, my favorite type of work is the kind where I don't have to present, teach, or be the one with all the answers. I'd much rather create the PowerPoint presentation as opposed to presenting it. Writing the grant instead of implementing it. Making the quilt, not going to the hospital to deliver it.

Someone that I mailed some of my fabric pieces to recently apologized for not thanking me when she received them. My response was, "I don't do these things to get a thank you. I just do it because it's a nice thing to do."

I'm not sure I've always held that belief. My career used to be my life. I defined myself by it. I worked way too hard, devoted too many hours, and invested too much of myself in what I did (instead of who I was), and spent most of the last 17 years under constant pressure and stress (some of which was self-inflicted) . I wasn't appreciative of what I had or of the people around me - I was too busy doing it all.

But now that I have time to breathe (and to heal), I know the way I need to live my life has changed. No more fast tracks (which got me nowhere). The need to be on top, to be the best, to be perfect, is slowly starting to fade. And that's fine with me.

Years ago I purchased a book about reinventing yourself. I started reading it again the other day and have realized how far I've come. I used to have dreams of what I wanted my life to be but was too busy working to follow them.

But now, even with the medical issues, I've moved forward on some of those dreams. I wanted to:
*Get healthy. (My food issues aren't solved, but I am still exercising. 13 days in a row!)
*Write everyday (59 days on this blog so far).
*Be able to give to others. (Lots of that going on.)
*Learn how to appreciate what I have. (Downsizing will help with that.)
*Work in the garden each day. (Still too cold, but I'll get there.)

Which leads me back to the tulips. They didn't quite make it unscathed from the snow, but their transformation from yesterday is quite remarkable. I can only hope my transformation will be just as great.